In Sunshine or In Shadow
by ilovetvalot
Summary: When her life dissolves around her and the shadows crept in, he brought the sunshine back to her world. As promised, the next Hotch/Emily epic. CH 19 is Morgan and Garcia.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:  
As promised, this is our new Hotch/Prentiss epic. Please let us know what your thoughts are.**_

_**We have a couple of announcements for you all today. We're proud to announce that signups are open for the Fanfic Challenge - Round 4 on our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" or, as we like to call it, the "PYOP Challenge" (pick your own pairing challenge) through September 1st. For those interested, simply go to the forum to the PYOP Challenge thread and sign up with your favorite pairing. On September 2nd, we'll assign you a scenario to write provided by some of our lovely fellow authors. This will give everybody an opportunity to write what they love and provide readers with some awesome stories. Please sign up at the forum or shoot us a PM signifying your willingness to participate. So, please come join the fun and let's make this the most successful challenge yet!**_

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_**We've also added two fun new prompt threads. One is called, "Fortune Cookie Fridays" based on an idea submitted by LoveforPenandDerek. Come by and check it out...perhaps, it will feed the muse. And the other is called, "Getting to Know...YOU! Tell us about yourself" It asks five simple questions that allow readers and authors alike to briefly tell us about who they are.**_

_**And, as always, thanks to everybody still reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting our stories. We couldn't do this without your support!**_

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**In Sunshine or in Shadow**

**Chapter One**

So this is how a breaking heart feels, Aaron Hotchner mused glumly from the window of his office overlooking the BAU bullpen. He wasn't certain he had ever felt it in this manner before.

With Haley's departure, the pain had been sharp...sudden. It had surprised him. And altered him forever.

But Emily's resignation just seven days ago had left him with a dull throbbing ache in the area of his chest. And each day of the previous week, that slow pulsation had grown in intensity. And it had culminated today in a crushing cataclysm of emotion. At least on the inside, that was.

For this was Emily Prentiss' last day in the Behavioral Analysis Unit.

When she'd slipped into his office a mere week ago and slid that single sheet of pristine white paper underneath his nose as she'd stood in front of him, silent and dignified, he'd thought it was a joke. Then a mistake. Then a ploy for a promotion, perhaps. Only later, when he was depressingly alone in his office again, did it register that she was deadly serious.

She was leaving. For reasons still unknown.

He should be grateful. Strauss had been making noise about slashing his funding for months. Emily's salary would just about cover the budget cut. She'd saved him from being forced to make a soul-rending decision.

But that didn't change the fact that she was the last person he thought he'd ever see willingly vacate the team. And she was definitely the last individual he wanted to watch walk away.

From them. From him.

And she still hadn't divulged any logical, discernible reason for her decision, despite many subtle questions from him as well as the others. No, instead, she had remained steadfastly tight-lipped, doing her job with the same easy professionalism she'd always possessed.

But she was distant. Drawn. Not Emily.

And he was worried.

Oh, hell, Hotchner, he grunted to himself...screw worried. He was terrified. Mostly because somewhere along the way, Emily Prentiss had become as vital to him as the oxygen he inhaled. Ever since the weekend she had spent in his home, recovering from that nasty bout of pneumonia and flu, he had grown attached to her in ways he could not even understand.

And she had no idea of her importance to his world.

Watching as the bullpen slowly cleared and, one by one, their colleagues hugged her goodbye, departing for their own personal lives, Aaron Hotchner sighed. Damn it, he didn't want to grovel for an explanation. But the idea of allowing her to leave for reasons that still hadn't been identified just wasn't an option for him.

He needed to know...to understand. Then, maybe…just maybe…he could move on.

Opening his office door, he moved quickly down the metal stairs, arriving at her desk just as she placed the cardboard lid on the letter box containing her personal effects. "All packed?" he questioned innocently, slipping his hand in his trousers' pocket in what he hoped was a casual manner. The overhead lights seemed to brighten for a moment as she bent her dark head, her shadow casting wide across the now-bare standard issue desk.

"I think so," Emily murmured, not looking up at him as she turned to pull her black handbag out of her bottom desk drawer. Swallowing hard, she forced a calm note into her voice as she explained, "I never had too many knick knacks here...never wanted my desk to appear cluttered. I read somewhere once that people with cluttered desks are perceived to have cluttered minds. I guess it stuck with me."

The first thing he noticed was that she was rambling. The eloquent, poised Emily Prentiss was rattling on about meaningless inanities that had no bearing on anything of value. She never wasted her breath on that sort of foolishness. The second thing he noticed was her averted face, her eyes cast down as nervous fingers toyed with her purse strap. Every nuance of her body language suggested that she'd rather be anywhere but where she stood. And lastly, her hands contained a fine tremble while her voice held a slight tremor...and that indicated fear.

Emily Prentiss was scared. And that knowledge scared the hell out of HIM.

"Prentiss," Hotch began, touching her shoulder lightly, his hand moving on its own volition.

"Emily," she corrected, still not looking up, her voice tightening in spite of her best intentions. "No need for formality anymore, is there?"

"No, I guess there isn't," Hotch admitted with a grim nod, his hand dropping back to his side. "Okay, Emily. I know what your letter of resignation said. God knows that I've read it enough times searching for any hidden clues. But, can you just tell me why you're choosing to walk away from a job your good at? Please?"

"Personal reasons," Emily replied with a shrug and a shake of her head, studiously ignoring the slight plea she heard in his otherwise normal voice.

"Yeah, I know. As I said, I read the letter, Emily," Hotch said tersely, his frustration growing heavier with every passing moment. "But, you and I both know that reason covers a lot of territory. Can you perhaps be a little more specific?" he asked, his deep voice hopeful as he searched her face for a sign, any sign, that might clue him into her current thought processes.

Shoulders sagging as she lowered her body tiredly back into her desk chair, her hands finding purchase on the box sitting in front of her, Emily glanced up into Hotch's unreadable face. Damn, she should have expected him to corner her one last time. Why the hell hadn't she been prepared for one last ambush? He'd been persistently trying to engage her in a clarification of her decision for this entire past week. Of course, he would show up on her way out the door demanding answers.

He was Aaron Hotchner. It was his nature to take over. And she knew that better than anyone, didn't she?

"Emily?" Hotch asked warily, leaning his hip against her desk, blocking her escape route should she choose to try and run again. Forewarned was forearmed, wasn't it?

"Hotch..."

"Aaron," Hotch countered with a single shake of his dark head. "You aren't my employee any more, right? You can use my first name, too," he offered, the urge to hear his name on her lips confusing him. "After all, we spent a weekend together recently, Emily. You used my first name then. You can do it now."

"Fine," Emily sighed, realizing the validity of his argument. The man was certain to use logic against her, wasn't he? "Aaron." Grimacing, she cocked her head as she stared up at him. "Damn, that still just feels weird to say, you know?"

Smiling crookedly in amusement, Hotch replied, "Then use Hotch. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I just want you to trust me enough to let me in on whatever influenced you to quit, Emily."

"Hotch, just leave it, okay? It's nothing anyone could have controlled," Emily spoke carefully, forcing her mask back into place once again. "And, believe me, it's what's best for me right now."

"Are you pregnant?" Hotch asked softly, his dark eyes flashing for a moment as images of another man holding Emily Prentiss' child flashed in his mind….followed quickly by an unexpected anger and feeling of loss.

Snorting, Emily shook her head. "No," she said roughly, the word catching in her throat. "I wish it were that simple."

"Then what the hell could have possibly happened to make you give up a job you love, Emily?" Hotch asked roughly, running a hand across the back of his neck as his eyes pierced hers. "You fought for this position. Lobbied for it. And when you got it, you set about proving to me that you deserved to be here. And you did. You convinced me. Now, you're leaving and you offer me some flimsy excuse like 'personal reasons'? Don't you think I deserve better than that?"

Uncharacteristic tears filled her eyes as she stared into his darkening face. "Yes, I guess you do, Hotch," she whispered, her hand gripping the edge of the box, the support necessary as she felt her world suddenly shift once again.

"Then what's the problem, Emily," Hotch asked quietly, his face softening as he noted the standing tears shining in her eyes. "I'm standing right here. All you have to do is open your mouth and speak."

"That's the problem, Aaron," Emily whispered tremulously, finally meeting his dark eyes before she blinked slowly,. "I haven't said it out loud yet. Not to anyone."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Because we value your opinions as loyal readers of the CM fandom, we ask that you visit our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" and submit your opinion either via PM or thread post regarding our newest thread, "Your Opinion Matters...We want to hear your thoughts on a solely based CM awards/recognition program". **_

_**Thanks to everyone taking the time to continue reading our work. As always, we couldn't ask for better readers than those in the CM fandom. And as a special thank you, here's an early chapter of our newest epic! We appreciate everyone taking time to let us know what you think!**_

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Two**

She couldn't look at him. She just couldn't. Not again. If she did, she'd shatter, and that simply just wasn't on her list of things that she had time left to do.

Besides, it wouldn't help anything. Aaron Hotchner couldn't help her. No one could.

No, her future was in the hands of the capricious fates intent on tearing her well-ordered world asunder. And, lest she forget, a team of highly qualified medical professionals.

But in spite of her silent denial of his assistance, Aaron Hotchner wasn't going away. He remained as stoic and solid as he had been the first day she had entered the Bureau all those years ago, his refusal to allow her into his unit evident. He held his ground as firmly as he had that past weekend, when he had demanded that she allow him to watch out for her, to care for her during what had then been thought to be simple pneumonia.

Oh, for those seemingly carefree days when turf protection and mere infections had been their only worries.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched as long arms crossed over a solid chest. A chest she yearned to lean against, arms that she wished could shelter her from what was coming. But that wasn't their relationship, thought she had a sneaking suspicion that it could have been…once upon a time.

But now…now, it probably never would be.

Sure, he'd taken care of her two weeks ago when they'd thought her ailment had been a simple flu or pneumonia brought on by exhaustion and fatigue. But upon closer examination and further testing, she and her doctor had discovered that not much was as simple as it first appeared.

If only she hadn't ignored that persistent stomach ache...that slight swelling in her stomach. If only she hadn't passed it off as inconsequential, blaming it on bad fast food coming from eating on the run for months.

If only...

But she HAD ignored it, putting it all down to poor diet and extreme fatigue. If she managed to make it through the coming months, she wouldn't make those mistakes again. But, there was nothing for it now. She had to get through the next several days, weeks and months before she could think about her life in terms of the future.

The years were no longer guaranteed. And she could never assume that she would be granted them at all.

"Emily," she heard Aaron say again, somewhat defensively, his words coming tighter and quicker. "Talk to me. Explain why just a mere two weeks ago, you stayed at my house while you were sick and never said a word about how obviously unhappy you must have been here."

"I'm not unhappy here," Emily mumbled, her eyes still dropped. "It has nothing to do with anything or anyone here, Hotch," she added quietly, her fingers clenching around the banker's box on her desk.

"Then why would you resign from a job you love that provides you excellent chances of promotion, Prentiss?" Hotch asked impatiently, his jaw clenching as he realized he was gaining absolutely no ground with her. "Let me rescind the termination packet. Take some more time to think this over," he offered, praying like hell she'd see reason. Or at least provide him with an understandable explanation. She was normally a logical, rational person, wasn't she? Perhaps he should appeal to that trait first, then delve into the psychological ramifications later. "Tomorrow we can go talk to Strauss. I know she doesn't want to lose you as an agent or the connections that you bring to the table."

"I'm busy tomorrow, Hotch," Emily said uncomfortably, stiffening, her mind almost freezing as she remembered her plans for the next day.

"Doing what, for God sake, Emily?" Hotch exploded softly, his voice low but dangerous as he leaned forward a mere inch. "What the hell is more important than the career you've worked for years to build?"

"My life," Emily replied simply, her eyes closing as she comprehended the implications of what she'd inadvertently given away. For some inexplicable reason, she seemed to have a moment just then when she felt that if she could just retreat, just hide inside herself, that everything would magically return to normal. That her life would no longer be this rollercoaster that seemed to be intent on hurling her into space without a thought as to her personal wishes.

But no matter how hard she tried, no matter how desperately she wished for it to be otherwise, she knew the truth. Her life was literally out of her own control.

Every muscle in Aaron's body froze as she delivered those cryptic two words. Gazing down at her drawn, paler than usual face, Hotch frowned. He'd missed something. He wasn't certain what it was, but he knew, without doubt, that it was something critical at this juncture. Thinking back over the last two weeks, he knew she'd slowed down dramatically, but he'd chalked it up to the flu and pneumonia he'd helped nurse her through. Swallowing, Hotch asked again, more deliberately, "What are you doing tomorrow, Prentiss?"

"H-Hotch," Emily whispered huskily, shaking her head as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying desperately to block out the sound of his coaxing voice. Oh, how she needed him to just be the normal SSA Aaron Hotchner just then…not Aaron. Not the Aaron that could make her have to explain, to give in to the emotions threatening to flood her very soul.

"Don't make me ask again and don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm above trailing you," Hotch stated, his voice soft but lethal.

Damn Aaron Hotchner and his tyrannical streak, Emily silently groaned. Cracking one eyelid, she saw him still standing in the same position. And from the look of him, he was entirely prepared to stand there until he took root. "Surgery," Emily finally said faintly, those few syllables taking more energy to utter than an entire dialogue. "I'm having surgery tomorrow."

"What?" Hotch asked blankly, his brow furrowing in consternation. Surely he'd misheard her. She couldn't possibly have just confided that she was having surgery tomorrow, could she?

Clearing her throat as she squared her shoulders, Emily forced herself to draw on years of being a diplomat's offspring and said, "I said, I'm having surgery tomorrow morning, Hotch."

"Why?" he asked, carefully keeping his face impassive even as his heart rate accelerated drastically. While he might not yet have the entire story, he was well aware that the pieces he was slowly gleaning were not going to provide him with a happy ending.

Not at all.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Hello, readers! Again, several announcements to make...please visit our discussion forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". We have introduced a new discussion thread called, "Announcing the Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards on fanfiction. net 2010". Please see this thread for tentative guidelines and know that more details are coming soon. With all of the readers and authors support, I believe we can make this venture an incredibly fun experience! So, please everyone, come on over and take a look. **_

_**Thanks to everyone taking the time to continue reading our work. As always, we couldn't ask for better readers than those in the CM fandom and we appreciate everyone taking time to let us know what you think!**_

_**We have a couple more announcements for you all today. We're proud to announce that signups are open for the Fanfic Challenge - Round 4 on our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" or, as we like to call it, the "PYOP Challenge" (pick your own pairing challenge) through September 1st. For those interested, simply go to the forum to the PYOP Challenge thread and sign up with your favorite pairing. On September 2nd, we'll assign you a scenario to write provided by some of our lovely fellow authors. This will give everybody an opportunity to write what they love and provide readers with some awesome stories. Please sign up at the forum or shoot us a PM signifying your willingness to participate. So, please come join the fun and let's make this the most successful challenge yet!**_

_**We've also added a new 'Getting to Know" interview with our fellow author, canny-bairn. Please check it out!**_

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**In Sunshine or in Shadow**

**Chapter Three**

"To have a mass removed," Emily said vaguely, casually gauging the distance from her desk to the elevator serendipitously.

"You'd never make it," Hotch said tersely, watching her eye movement, easily tracking her intentions. "Don't even try." Taking a breath, he asked, his tone brooking no argument, "What mass and where is it, Emily?"

"It isn't your concern, Hotch," Emily said with finality, rising from her chair and adjusting her purse strap over her shoulder with a determined snap. It was necessary, she told herself. She had to leave before she allowed him to be drawn further into her personal life. And she couldn't allow that happen. "I'm sorry, but I need to go. I've got a few more things to take care of before tomorrow."

Stepping in her path, Hotch narrowed his eyes, grasping the box she reached for on her desk, blocking her hands with his own. "You drop a bomb like that and you just try and walk away? I don't think so. Answer my questions, Emily."

How could she avoid the truth now, she asked herself, mentally castigating herself for not leaving earlier in the day. But, perhaps, she admitted silently, perhaps a part of her had wanted this. Had wanted this moment. Sighing heavily as she met his darkening eyes, Emily said with quiet dignity, "It's a mass in my colon, Aaron. And it's cancer, okay?"

"How bad?" Hotch asked through a tight throat, the clinical diagnosis blasting him with a ferocity.

"I won't have that answer until they get the mass, but my oncologist does think that it has spread and is already scheduling chemotherapy for after the surgery. That is, if I..."

"Don't. Don't say it," Hotch replied tensely, cutting her off, his words clipping out quicker than she could respond.

"There is a possibility that..."

"Emily, I said stop," Hotch said softly, the muscle in his jaw flexing wildly. Pausing for a moment as he focused his eyes on hers he asked, "You weren't going to tell anyone were you?"

"No," she said simply, not bothering to deny the truth, knowing that he had already seen deeper into her psyche than she had allowed anyone else.

"And the flu wasn't the flu at all, was it?" Hotch bit out, his voice hardening.

"No. The pneumonia was there, but it's probably a side effect of the cancer. My immune system is apparently shot."

"Damn you, Emily," Hotch breathed. "Why would you try to do this on your own? Have you even told your mother?" he asked, remembering distantly that Emily had mentioned the Ambassador's newest assignment in Australia the night that she'd stayed with him.

"Not yet," Emily admitted, her composure beginning to slip under his barrage of questions. Her face tightening, she forced her emotions to slam back into their compartment as she straightened her shoulders. "It's one of the things on my list for the evening. So, if you'll excuse me," she said, trying to tug the box from his hands.

"No."

"No?" Emily repeated, her forehead creasing with confusion even as her fingers tightened around the cardboard lid.

"No, I won't excuse you for this," Hotch replied evenly, even though his eyes glinted with anger and worry. "What I will do is rescind your termination paperwork and put you on indefinite leave. Then, I'll take care of notifying the team. When and where is the surgery, Emily?"

"Why?" Emily asked suspiciously, anger beginning to roll through her, tamping down the earlier unwanted moment of weak emotion. Damn him, she'd had this planned. What right did he have to wreck all her carefully laid strategies?

"Because, whether you want to see it or not, this team is a family. And despite your upbringing, I thought you would have learned in the past few years that family doesn't turn its back on family. We stick together. Regardless of what we're facing. And the team deserves to know what one of its own is facing. Now, when and where?"

"I can handle this on my own, Hotch," Emily insisted, her eyes clouding with tears as she processed his stern but caring words. God, she couldn't cry. Not here and not now. Get angry again, Prentiss! Offense, damn it. "I'm a grown woman capable of making my own decisions."

"That's questionable," Hotch spat, fear warring with anger as he looked into her shining eyes. "I can have Garcia ferret out the information if you choose," he suggested easily, the warning tone filling his words.

"George Washington Memorial. I'm supposed to be there at six. Surgery is scheduled for 7:30," Emily revealed tightly, well aware of the sudden uselessness of her so-called independence.

Nodding tersely as his fist clenched at his side, Hotch released the box he held one-handed into her grip, waiting for her arms to wrap around the burden. "Go home, call your mother, Emily. I'll notify the team and stop by your place after I've finished."

"For God sake, why?" Emily retorted plaintively, her lips pursing tightly in anger.

"Because you're going to play this off to your mother, aren't you?" Hotch asked dryly, watching her face pale. "Try to deny it, Emily," Hotch added derisively, his eyes knowing as he stared at her, defying her to disagree.

Swallowing as she felt her cheeks heat under his scrutiny, Emily replied stiffly, "There's no reason to involve my mother and turn this into any more of a circus than it already is."

"That's what I thought," Hotch replied evenly. "You weren't going to tell anyone."

"I will not be a bur-"

"Stop talking," Hotch said immediately, holding up his hand, unwilling to listen to another word.

"What?"

"I'm already angry, Prentiss. Try not to make me livid," Hotch ordered, his throat clenching tightly as he fought out the words. "Go home, take care of the things you need to take care of. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Hotch," Emily tried again tiredly, shifting the box against her hip, the slight weight heavier than she had first realized, "You don't need to..."

Gently taking her elbow and steering her toward the elevator, Hotch shook his head. "You no longer get to decide what you think the team and I need to know and do." Pushing her into the open elevator door, he repeated, unyielding, "I'll see you in a few hours."

And she could only stare at him, speechless, as the doors slid shut, leaving her shrouded in the shadows of the small enclosed car.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: There are still two days remaining if you'd like to sign up for the "PYOP" (Pick Your Own Pairing) challenge at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. Please join us in making this our most exciting challenge yet. Details and sign-ups are waiting for you.**

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**For anyone willing to help us advertise the awards, we've created a short author's note template available on both my profile page (ilovetvalot) and my co-author's (tonnie2001969). We'd love to have everybody's help making this venture a huge and fun success. Please feel free to copy and paste it into your own author's notes and/or profiles! With your help, I believe this can become an annual event that we ALL look forward to seeing. I hope that you're all as eager as I am to see this incredible project lift off.**

**Also, we've got a couple of new interviews with two very talented authors available for your viewing pleasure. Please join us as we get to know criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak and Katie N Cassie's Slave 4 Life.**

**The "Fortune Cookie Prompt" thread has been updated for the week of 8/27/2010 on the forum. Please check it out!**

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**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Four**

Walking heavily into her upscale apartment, Emily looked around tiredly as she tossed her keys into a ceramic dish on her entryway table, the sound making a small tinkle. Closing the door and throwing the bolt automatically, Emily leaned wearily against it, resting her head against the cool wood as she tried to process everything that had happened in the past hour….that short period was more than she could handle, let alone dealing with the past week.

So much. Too much, her overtaxed mind screamed violently in protest. And none of it was within her control anymore. Her body and her boss were assuring her of that.

Since when had Emily Prentiss lost control of her own life? When?

Pushing away from the door with a determined hand, she trudged across the room, shrugging her purse and suit coat off before she collapsed against her overstuffed comfortable couch. All her carefully laid plans blown to hell by one determined man, she thought grimly. Why the hell couldn't anything just go as scheduled? In a perfect world, tomorrow she'd have admitted herself to the hospital, alone, and had the surgery that might, if she was incredibly lucky, save her life.

"You're lying to yourself again," her mind taunted. "In a perfect world, you'd be coming home to a certain dark haired husband and maybe a child or two."

And that was why Emily Prentiss never conversed with her own conscious.

Shaking her head, Emily knew that could never be. It simply wasn't in the cards for her. Family...normalcy...they always had been foreign concepts for her. And it was funny how the most alien of concepts could also be what she ached for the most. But, it appeared that fate and evidently Aaron Hotchner had other plans for her.

She'd wanted to shield him from this. Two weeks ago...was it really just two weeks? When he'd taken such good care of a friend and colleague in need, she'd thought that maybe, somewhere down the line, it might be possible for them to, at the very least, develop a lasting friendship. Of course, a part of her had hoped that eventually he'd want more from her. But, she'd have settled and been grateful for whatever he offered, whatever part he allowed her to play in his life.

Then, that damn doctor had called and everything had changed. The idea of burdening a man that had lost so much with news so forbidding...when they'd only just taken those first tentative steps toward a deeper friendship...it had been impossible. Impossible to comprehend, impossible to understand, impossible to verbalize. Impossible.

So, she'd quit. Or, at least she'd thought she had until tonight.

Now, she wasn't sure about anything. Except that Aaron Hotchner seemed resolved to wreck all her good intentions. First, by prying the information on her condition from her unwilling lips and then, by informing the rest of the team.

If the cancer didn't kill her, they probably would, she thought candidly, dark humor her only escape from the deep horror threatening to overtake her life.

Glancing toward the ornamental clock on her mantel, another extravagant gift from her mother that was supposed to compensate for her lack of interest in her child, Emily grimaced. Seven in the evening. Which meant that it was nine in the morning in Melbourne, and her mother would just be settling behind her desk at the American Embassy, her newest post in her illustrious career.

Well, she thought ,mentally lifting her stubborn chin, there was no sense putting off the inevitable. Much better to call the Ambassador now when she herself still had some semblance of spin control. And with that thought, Emily Prentiss resolutely reached for the phone on her coffee table.

* * *

It had gone better than he'd expected, Hotch thought as he leaned forward to drop the handset of his phone back into the cradle on his desk. Surprisingly supportive, Erin Strauss hadn't put up any argument to rescinding Emily's letter of resignation. Of course, from a bureaucratic standpoint, Emily Prentiss was a powerful weapon. Or rather, her connections were. And Strauss did know the value of a good weapon. Agents, on the other hand, were another story.

Hotch wasn't deluded by Strauss's concern. The woman didn't care a whit for Emily or any of them for that matter. But she did care about power and positioning. And Emily was a valuable asset. Of all of them on the current BAU team, she was the individual least likely to run into political problems at the Bureau. And right now, that worked for all of them.

He'd gained Strauss's approval to put his unit on stand down for a month, agreeing to do local consults and custody reviews for the duration. They could stagger their presence at the hospital and during Emily's recover. And when that month expired, Strauss had expressed her willingness to cooperate in staggering the agents in his unit's participation on cases, leaving one of them in DC to assist Emily at all times. All things considered, he should count this as a win.

Except, there were no winners here. At the end of his negotiations, Emily Prentiss was still diagnosed with one of the most dangerous cancers there was. And he was still scared spitless. Not that he'd allow anyone to know it. Weakness wasn't an option…especially now, when she and the rest of the team would need his strength and guidance.

He tried to tell himself that he'd feel this way if any member of his team were facing this battle. But, he was lying…and he knew it. This was Emily, for Christ's sake. The woman who'd steadfastly stood by his side, silently supporting him through the entire Foyet ordeal that had very nearly derailed his career and forever altered the course of his life. No one, save Rossi, understood him better than she.

And for that, alone, he owed her.

Glancing up as a quick precise knock sounded in his quiet office, announcing someone else's presence, Hotch nodded to JJ as she stepped inside the room.

"Hotch, I've got everybody in the war room as you requested," she informed him professionally, her voice soft in the otherwise silent room. "Do you have a case file for me to distribute?"

"No," Hotch said softly, shaking his head as he watched her blue eyes rake over him curiously.

"Then, why..."

"JJ, this is a personal meeting between me and all of you. I've got an announcement that I need to make, but I only want to do it once." Hell, once was going to be hard enough, he thought bitterly. The entire team had been rocked when Emily had announced her resignation. He couldn't imagine what this new information was going to do to all of them.

JJ's eyes met Hotch's, her gaze strong and filled with worry. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Only once before had she seen his eyes look so defeated, and she couldn't allow herself to dwell on thoughts of that horrid time. "All right," JJ nodded slowly. "But, are you okay?"

Shaking his head, Hotch's jaw tightened as he straightened his spine. "I'm fine, JJ. This isn't about me. Tell the team that I'll be there in five, but don't tell them anything else," he said in dismissal, his tone not inviting any other conversation.

Seeing her brief nod, the flash of acceptance in her eyes, he watched her leave. He regretted his curt tone with the diminutive blonde. But, JJ was perceptive. It was one of the reasons she was his professional right hand. She'd get over any offended feelings she had when she heard the news he had to impart.

He had a feeling that none of them were going to have a lot of time for anything beyond their collective worry for Emily Prentiss. Their lives were about to change…and he was no longer certain it would be for the better.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: First of all, we have exciting news, my friends! Nominating ballots for "The Profiler's Choice Awards" are ready and waiting for you at the "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. So please, everyone, come on over and name some of your favorite fics and authors. Lets honor our favorite stories and authors on the CM site! We want to hear from you. Rules and guidelines are also available at the forum and as always, tonnie2001969 and I would be delighted to answer any questions that you may have. Now, let's get nominating! Our first ballots are beginning to trickle in and we love hearing from each of you! **

**For anyone willing to help us advertise the awards, we've created a short author's note template available on both my profile page (ilovetvalot) and my co-author's (tonnie2001969). We'd love to have everybody's help making this venture a huge and fun success. Please feel free to copy and paste it into your own author's notes and/or profiles! With your help, I believe this can become an annual event that we ALL look forward to seeing. I hope that you're all as eager as I am to see this incredible project lift off. And a very **_**BIG**_** thanks to all the authors helping us advertise these awards! We truly appreciate any assistance you can provide.**

**We also have several new interviews for you at the forum with the incredibly talented **_**lazywriter123, TML, and Wraith Ink-Slinger**_**. Please join us as we get to know them.**

**Finally, we've added a few new discussion threads for our reader's pleasure. The First is called, **_**"The BAU Bullpen is Open for Business"**_**. It introduces a podcast run by a couple of our fellow authors, **_**BonesBird**_** and **_**clarebones**_**. Please check it out! And lastly, we have our newest **_**Fortune Cookie Friday**_** prompt available. I hope you all will check these exciting threads out. **

**And don't forget to get out there and nominate your favorite authors and stories. We're excited to hear from you!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Five**

Walking into the briefing room three minutes later, Aaron Hotchner's heart thudded painfully in his chest, the pounding evident in his ears. How many times had he done this? Walked into this room, stood at the head of the table, and informed his team of a new catastrophe unfolding?

Tens? Hundreds? Thousands?

But none of those times mattered today. Today was completely different. This newest crisis touched them all personally and would have far reaching implications, of that he was certain.

Assuming his position at the head of the table, he cleared his throat as his eyes scanned his team, meeting each curious and slightly anxious face with a stern resolve.

"Boss Man looks entirely too serious," he heard Garcia murmured to Morgan nervously, her fingers clenching slightly at the edge of the conference table. Spencer Reid sat rock-still beside her, his eyes glued to Hotch's stern face.

"Yeah, he does," he heard Morgan grunt in reply as Derek's dark eyes met his.

"Aaron?" he heard Dave prod softly from his corner of the table as JJ shifted uneasily in her seat to his left.

Of course, his mind couldn't help but recognize that the one seat left completely empty was that of Emily Prentiss.

Clearing his throat, he stated evenly, "Okay, guys, I'm going to lead with the good news. I've spoken to Prentiss, and effective immediately her letter of resignation is null and void. She'll be remaining on the team."

He tried to remain impassive as cheers were released around the table. Somehow, their smiles and happiness only seemed to make the rest of his news worse.

"O captain, my captain," Garcia saluted him, her animated face wreathed in smiles, "The oracle shall never doubt you again!"

"I don't know how you did it, man, but can I just say, thank _God_! Let's face it, nobody can get into an unsub's mind like Prentiss," Derek grinned, leaning back in his chair with an air of satisfaction.

"How?" JJ asked happily, her blue eyes filled with sudden joy. "She seemed so determined to go when I talked to her at lunch."

Watching his friend's jaw tighten as he stood, unmoving, at the head of the table, Dave felt the tenseness radiating from Aaron Hotchner. There was definitely more to this story than met the eye. "If she's staying with the team, then why is she missing now? Where is she, Hotch?" he asked quietly, steeling himself for what had been left unsaid. In all the years that he had known the younger man, David Rossi had learned to read the unspoken signals that Hotch normally kept hidden from everyone else. And what he was seeing then let Dave know that Hotch's secrets were definitely far worse than anything he could have previously imagined.

Looking around the table at his colleagues...his friends...Hotch deliberated how to share Emily's situation. Opting for his characteristic honesty, he said slowly, "She isn't here, Dave. She's at home."

"When we have a case?" Morgan asked, his brows drawing together in confusion, glancing around the team gathered at the table. "That doesn't sound like Prentiss. She lives for being in the thick of it."

Wincing at Morgan's innocent choice of words, Hotch shook his head. "She is in the thick of it, Derek." _More than you know, he added silently. _"And we don't have a case. You all need to know that while I've convinced Emily to remain a part of our team, she will be on indefinite medical leave for the foreseeable future," he stated quietly, watching the gravity of his announcement reach each person surrounding the round table.

"Indefinite," JJ echoed, shaking her head dumbly as her hands clutched the edge of the table in front of her.

"Medical leave," Reid parroted, speaking for the first time since Hotch had entered the room, his shoulders dropping inch by inch as his mind immediately ran the gamut of possible illnesses.

"What's going on, Aaron?" Dave asked solemnly, his face concerned, his words simple but filled with the weight of worry.

Face hardening into an unyielding mask, Hotch forced himself to ignore the sudden worry in the group and to continue forward. "I've just learned why Agent Prentiss was determined to leave the Bureau, guys. She has cancer."

His statement hung in the air for several seconds as he felt himself nailed to the wall by five sets of stunned eyes.

"No," Garcia automatically denied, her blonde and pink hair flying from side to side as she rapidly shook her head. "She's fine. I just hugged her. She might have looked a little pale, but..."

"I got the information straight from her lips, Garcia," Hotch replied as gently as he could, tilting his head slightly as he met the young woman's shocked eyes.

"She was gonna hide it from us?" Morgan asked angrily, his fist cracking against the table as his eyes flashed violently. "From us? We're her family, Hotch!"

"And I informed her as such," Hotch replied steadily, his own bitterness over Emily's choice of secrecy stinging painfully. "But rather than focus on what she tried to hide from us, I think we need to concentrate on what we now know."

"What type of cancer is it?" Dave asked tightly, the muscle in his jaw clenching and unclenching as he attempted to reign in the sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, memories of another dark-headed beauty facing the unknowns brought by the beast of cancer still too fresh in his mind.

Taking a deep breath as he forced himself to maintain his calm, Hotch said, "She has a mass in her colon. They're operating tomorrow at GW."

"So soon?" JJ breathed, her eyes brimming with tears she steadfastly refused to allow to fall. For a brief moment, she fought the sudden urge to find her friend and throw her arms around Emily's too narrow shoulders, needing to feel the life in the other woman's body.

"I'm afraid so," Hotch nodded solemnly. "Evidently, her doctors feel time is of the essence."

"Do we know what stage the cancer is?" Reid asked, his agile brain rapidly combing through his memory for any statistics he had on the subject.

"I don't," Hotch said, shaking his head again, the dreaded lack of information suddenly weighing down against his shoulders. "What I do know is that surgery is scheduled for 7:30 tomorrow morning, and whether Prentiss wants our help or not, we're going to be there."

"Wait!" Garcia said suddenly, wiping the tears off her cheeks, "Am I to understand that our pale-faced peach didn't want us there with her?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: We've got several notes for you today, guys, so hang with us for a second. **

_**First of all, we'd like to talk to you about our next challenge! **__**Wanna fun way to celebrate Halloween this year? Join us for our Round 5 Challenge – The Candy Land Adventure on Chit Chat on Author's Corner. Our challenges are open to any author, regardless of experience…and we have a spot ready for you. All you have to do is suggest a CM pairing and the name of a popular candy. We'll take all the suggestions, present them to the Great Pumpkin, then assign you a pairing & candy type at the first of October. You'll have a month to write your story, and it can be whatever you choose…drabble or epic, romance or friendship. And it does not have to be about Halloween or candy! For more information and to sign up, visit our forum, Chit Chat on Author's Corner, and click on Round 5 challenge!**_

**Second of all, we have exciting news, my friends! Nominating ballots for "The Profiler's Choice Awards" are ready and waiting for you at the "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. So please, everyone, come on over and name some of your favorite fics and authors. Lets honor our favorite stories and authors on the CM site! We want to hear from you. Rules and guidelines are also available at the forum and as always, tonnie2001969 and I would be delighted to answer any questions that you may have. Now, let's get nominating! Our first ballots are beginning to trickle in and we love hearing from each of you! **

**For anyone willing to help us advertise the awards, we've created a short author's note template available on both my profile page (ilovetvalot) and my co-author's (tonnie2001969). We'd love to have everybody's help making this venture a huge and fun success. Please feel free to copy and paste it into your own author's notes and/or profiles! With your help, I believe this can become an annual event that we ALL look forward to seeing. I hope that you're all as eager as I am to see this incredible project lift off. And a very **_**BIG**_** thanks to all the authors helping us advertise these awards! We truly appreciate any assistance you can provide.**

**Additionally, we have a wonderful new interview for you at the forum as well. Come, as we get to know the talented cm4ever this week.**

**Also, we wanted to take a second to thank everyone that continues to read, review, favorite and alert our stories. Writing is a pleasure, but you guys, you make it worthwhile!**

**And please, fellow authors and readers, don't forget to get out there and nominate your favorite authors and stories. We're excited to hear from you!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Six**

Sighing heavily, Hotch looked around at his co-workers. "Look, I don't think it's a shock to anyone sitting here that Emily is an intensely private woman. I asked her why she didn't come to one of us. She said she didn't want to be a burden."

"So, she'd rather be a fucking martyr?" Derek snapped, shaking his head in disgust as he stiffened his shoulders, his posture rigid and uncompromising. "Hotch, she doesn't get to make those decisions for us."

"I forwarded that sentiment as well," Hotch agreed, sinking wearily into his chair, the wheels sliding slightly underneath his weight. "To both her and our Section Chief."

"So help me God, if Erin is pulling her game playing crap..." Dave growled, his hackles rising at the mere mention of the woman's name.

"On the contrary," Hotch interrupted with a negative shake of his head, hopefully stalling Dave's attack, "Strauss has actually been very accommodating in light of recent developments."

"How so?" JJ asked shakily, the simple words almost too much for her stunned mind to comprehend.

"Well," Hotch explained tiredly, "for starters, she's allowed our team to stand down for a month. We'll still be responsible for local consults and custodial reviews, but it'll free up our schedules to be at the hospital and with Emily during her initial recovery."

"The surgery will be the easy part," Dave muttered, his fingers clenching and unclenching against the leather armrest of his chair. "It's the chemo that's gonna kick her ass," he said, leveling Hotch with a knowing look.

"Chemotherapy will destroy whatever immune defenses she has, thus weakening her further," Reid clarified when Garcia shot him an uncertain look, his lips pressed together tightly as he tried to mesh the clinical information with the personal. He knew Emily. She was not just some collection of facts in his analytical brain.

"I know," Hotch nodded slowly. "That's why Strauss also agreed to allow us to stagger our team participation in outside cases over the next several months. A member of the team will always be available to Prentiss. Again, whether she wants us or not. And I feel I need to warn each of you, she's resistant to the idea."

"She can get over it," Derek grunted, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly, his foot rapping out a staccato beat against the worn tile.

"I second that emotion," Garcia added resolutely, her posture mimicking Morgan's, her perfectly painted lips pressed together tightly.

Smiling grimly at the dynamic duo, Hotch replied, "And I told her that, too, ladies and gentlemen. Unfortunately, Emily has her own ideas on how she wants to handle things. They're wrong," Hotch shrugged, tilting his head for a second. "And, I have no problem making our presence in her life an order that she has no choice but to accept."

"What about her mother?" JJ asked tremulously, vaguely aware of some lingering animosity between Emily and her mother.

"She was going home to call the Ambassador tonight. But, I think we all know that Elizabeth Prentiss isn't exactly going to be Florence Nightingale," Hotch said meaningfully, his fist clenching at the thoughts of the elder Prentiss.

"So, in other words, Emily is going to couch the truth in pretty words," JJ muttered almost sadly, her fingers pulling jerkily at the edge of her sweater.

"After merely working with the Ambassador, wouldn't you?" Dave humphed, stretching his neck as tension crept up his back.

Ignoring Dave's dark tone, JJ turned back to their Unit Chief as she asked, "What can we do now for her, Hotch?"

"For tonight, I want everybody to go home and grab some sleep. She's supposed to be at the hospital by six. Surgery's at 7:30. I expect to see everybody there."

"But, shouldn't somebody be with her tonight?" Pen worried aloud, glancing from face to face, garnering support from her gathered colleagues.

"I've got it covered, Garcia," Hotch replied succinctly.

"But.." Garcia began.

"Mama," Derek said, covering Garcia's hand as he watched Hotch stiffen, "You heard the Boss Man. C'mon, let me give you a ride home, Sweetness."

"I'll see you in the morning," Reid said as he pushed up from the table, nodding toward Hotch, his mind still struggling to process this newest information.

"JJ, hang back a minute," Hotch requested softly when she moved to follow Reid. Waiting until the door had closed behind his youngest team member, Hotch asked, "I need a favor, JJ."

"Anything," JJ immediately offered, softening as she took in Hotch's lined face, her heart suddenly aching for him as well as Emily.

"Can you take Jack for the night? Pick him up from Jessica's apartment and take him to your place. I'll call her and verify. But there are still some things I want to discuss with Emily tonight," Hotch explained softly, never really doubting that his co-worker and friend would immediately agree.

"Of course," JJ nodded quickly, her lips tilting in a semblance of a smile as she added, "Henry loves a good slumber party."

"Will won't mind? Because I can take him if..." Dave offered, glancing at her over his shoulder from where he perched on the edge of the table.

"Will isn't an issue," JJ said tersely, her smile becoming tight. Without offering any additional information, she said, "Just call Jessica and let her know, Hotch. I'll drop him back off at her house on my way to the hospital."

"Thanks, JJ," Hotch said gratefully, relieved he hadn't had to explain anything further.

Staring at JJ in confusion as she swept from the room, Dave turned to frown at Hotch. "What the hell is going on with her and Will?"

"I have no idea," Hotch shook his head, stuffing one hand in his pocket. "But there's only room for one drama at a time and Emily's already got the floor." Leveling Dave with a focused stare, Hotch asked, "How bad do you think this is, man?"

"Honestly? Based on my experience, it sure the hell ain't good," Dave sighed.

Groaning, Hotch scrubbed a hand down his face. "I was afraid you were going to say something like that."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: As you all know by now, we are in full swing on the Profiler's Choice Awards hosted on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". _And we'd like to offer an extra incentive to get those nominations rolling in. For the next five people to complete the nomination ballot in its entirety, I would be happy to write a oneshot of your pairing preference (hetero, slash or femslash, doesn't matter!). _We have an abundance of incredible stories and authors to choose from this year and we have already received many wonderful nominations. Just to refresh your memory though, tonnie2001969 and myself (ilovetvalot) have removed ourselves from eligibility in the interest of avoiding all appearances of self-promotion. But, we want to make this an incredible experience for each one of you and give you a well-rounded final voting selection to choose from. So let's all put on our reading caps and pick our favorites! **

**Also, don't forget to sign up for our newest challenge at the forum. We're honoring Halloween with our first ever "Candy Land Challenge" and signups run through September 30th! Details are at the forum!**

**We also want to invite you to take a look at our new discussion threat at the forum, "The Ever Controversial Original Character" and a riveting new interview with the very talented forensicwhiz94! Stop by and get to know her!**

**As always, guys, Happy Reading!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Seven**

How could one simple conversation where neither party really said anything be so completely exhausting, Emily asked herself as she dropped the cordless phone back on the coffee table and collapsed back against the deep cushions of her couch. Merely speaking to Elizabeth Prentiss was an activity that cost her more mental acuity and agility than she felt she possessed any longer. But, somehow, she'd pulled it off.

She was still a Prentiss, after all, wasn't she?

She'd conveyed that she was indeed having a surgery that her mother believed to be a routine procedure. She'd managed to remain vague without seeming deliberately so, and Ambassador Prentiss was going to remain firm ensconced in the land Down Under, thank God. And she'd done it all without telling one single lie, a cardinal sin in her mother's eyes.

One less thing for Emily to worry about. The list of concerns was slowly dwindling. Or it had been. Until Aaron Hotchner and his God-like pronouncement that he'd be damned if she went through this alone.

This, she thought bitterly, her fingers clenching. She still could barely bring herself to think, let alone speak, the name of the cursed illness currently wreaking havoc on her body and mind. Telling Hotch this evening that she had that dreaded sickness had taken every ounce of courage and strength that she had in reserve.

How could a six letter word inspire such feelings of floundering inadequacy...such gut wrenching terror? She'd already railed against genetics and fate. She'd made her peace with the fact that she had to accept what she couldn't change. And she was determined to handle this disease with as much grace and dignity as she could muster.

Now, if only she could convince Aaron Hotchner that she didn't need his assistance in order to do that very thing. Even now, she knew he was taking control, telling their team and arranging for her convalescent leave.

And ruining each and every one of her well-laid plans.

She'd had the best of intentions. A clean break from her unit had been her first priority once she'd understood the uphill battle that she faced. After all, they couldn't miss what they hadn't realized they'd lost, could they? She had wanted to protect them...each one of the special people that had become closer to her than any family she'd ever had. He'd accused her of not realizing that they WERE a family. But he was wrong.

Each member of the team was special to her in ways that were difficult to describe in words. JJ and Garcia were the sisters that she'd never had. Those special women had taught her what it was to feel like she was a part of something bigger and more special than herself. They'd each shown her how good it could feel to confide in another person without fear of recrimination… and regret twisted painfully as she realized how betrayed they'd feel that she hadn't confided her secret in them.

After their time in Cyrus' compound, Emily had unofficially deemed Reid in the role of little brother. Protecting him during their incarceration at the camp had been an unconscious response, but there wasn't a moment that she regretted. If she had to go through it all again tomorrow, she'd make the same choices. Guarding his innocence had and always would be paramount to her. Now, she wondered if it would be her, after all, that shattered that blissful state.

Morgan, of course, was the older brother in their small group. Alternately infuriating and endearing to each of them, Emily couldn't help the faint smile that pulled at her lips as she thought of him. Undoubtedly, he'd sacrifice his life for any one of them, and she understood that his anger would know no bounds when he learned of her deception. And, she supposed she couldn't blame him. If the situations were reversed, she'd be furious at him, too.

But the situations weren't reversed. She was the one making the decisions because it was her life on the line.

Then, of course, there was Dave. Strong and steadfast, like a dependable uncle, he'd been her port in the storm more than once during the past year. And she liked to think that she'd been there for him as well. He had made it abundantly clear to her over the last several months that she could come to him with any problem, and she could almost see the disappointment shining in his eyes even now that she hadn't turned to him immediately.

And, God, Aaron...Hotch, she mentally chastised herself. How could she ever look him in the eye again after trying to deceive him? While her intentions had been noble, she knew that he felt betrayed. And that was the last thing that she'd ever meant to happen. But, he'd seen so much tragedy in the past year. Both him and his son. How was it fair to heap more drama on his unsuspecting head? Why couldn't he have simply allowed her to leave, unencumbered by these tumultuous feelings?

She wanted to believe that it was something more than mere professional concern. Why, when the future was so uncertain, she didn't know. It was selfish, hoping that he cared. Completely and utterly egocentric. Especially when caring for her could cost him another person. Her future was anything but certain, her survival was anything but guaranteed.

Caring for her was a gamble...one with an unlikely payoff. But there'd been something in that unfathomable gaze of his earlier. Something...almost tangible. And if the situation was different, it would have given her hope. Instead, now, it filled her with unspeakable sadness.

And as she heard the doorbell peal, her heart broke a little more.

That was him. That decent, honorable man that seemed to care more about her than she deserved. And somehow, she needed to convince him to let her go.

Because even if he was everything she ever wanted, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to be what he needed. Time was suddenly of the essence...a suddenly limited commodity for her. She couldn't allow herself to waste it on dreams of what could never be.

Or could she?

* * *

_**Author's Note 2 - Also guys, please don't forget that if you'd like to advertise the awards on your own profile pages or stories, there's a short blurb on my (ilovetvalot) and Tonnie's (tonnie2001969) profile page for you to copy and paste if you choose! **_

**_And thanks to everyone that continues to read, review, favorite and alert! You guys and gals are awesome!_**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hello, all our fanfic friends! Several announcements today, so, hang on tight!**

**First, our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" has a new interview up with the fabulously talented klcm. Please stop by and get to know her and several other of the brilliant authors in CM fanfic. And if anyone has an author that they'd like to see interviewed, please shoot me a private message. I promise that we'll do our best to coax them over to talk to us!**

**Second, there are THREE days left for the October Challenge, "The Candyland Challenge". In the spirit of Halloween, the rules are simple. Name a candy, a pairing you'd like to see written and the pairing you normally write. You'll be assigned a pairing and a candy by October 1st. You will have until Halloween (October 31, 2010) to post a story with your candy prompt and pairing. It does NOT have to be a Halloween story...it just must contain a reference to the candy. For example, if you were assigned a "Goo Goo Bar" as a candy, you could make that the candy an actual BAR in your story. The more creative, the better. Sign-ups are at the forum or you can shoot us a PM (ilovetvalot OR tonnie2001969) if you're interested.**

**Also, please, please, please don't forget to get your nominations in for the first EVER "Profiler's Choice Awards. Nomination ballots and rules are at the forum. Don't forget, I'm (ilovetvalot) still willing to write a oneshot of your pairing choosing to the next five people to complete a ballot. This is a wonderful opportunity to give your favorite stories and authors the recognition that they deserve on ff. net. Also, please remember, in the interest of just saying "no" to self-promotion, ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 are NOT eligible for nomination.**

**Also, readers & authors, please come sound off on our newest discussion thread. Tell us how you'd feel about the idea of a fanfic based CM Christmas Gift Fic Exchange. We're eagerly soliciting opinions and ideas!**

**So, please, drop by and get a blank ballot and tell the fanfic community who YOUR favorites are! We'd love to have you!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Eight**

Pulling open the door, Emily stared at the man that had so easily hijacked what had been her carefully designed, well-laid plans. But again, she couldn't feel anger or malice toward him. Not when she could read the pain and worry hidden barely beneath the surface of his flashing dark eyes. His ill concealed transparent feelings twisted her heart.

Stepping to the side, she motioned slightly as she murmured, "I'm assuming you didn't come over just to stand on my porch all night, Aaron."

Nodding once as he cautiously stepped forward into the dimly lit foyer, Hotch waited for her to step away, her footfalls leading her further into the depths of her condo. One eye on her retreating figure and the other on the door, he easily slid the deadbolt into place, effectively blocking out the rest of the world and ensuring her safety at the same time.

Oh, if only it was truly that simple, he thought to himself for a scant moment. But it's not, Hotchner, he sternly upbraided himself, squaring his shoulders as he moved to follow her into the warmly lit living room.

Memories of the first time he had ever darkened her door came easily to mind. Those early days….when his marriage was dissolving, his career seemed to be decimated, and Emily was determined to leave the BAU. Shaking his head at the thought, Aaron wondered how he hadn't seen the signs this time, either. How had he missed the fact that she was about to walk out of his life…out of their family…once again?

"I'm assuming that you're here to continue micromanaging my life," she said, mentally wincing at the bitterness she heard lacing her voice. Get a hold of yourself, Prentiss. Your current circumstance isn't his fault, she chided herself.

Jaw tightening, Hotch watched her slowly lower herself back to the leather couch and reach for the discarded soft grey chenille throw beside her, pulling it over her body like a shield. Always hiding, his mind murmured, his eyes cataloguing her precise movements. "I suppose I will if you continue to try to ignore the fact that you're surrounded by people whose only desire is to help you," he replied tersely, carefully keeping his voice level as he gestured toward the arm chair nearest her. "May I?" he asked formally.

"Would it matter if I said no?" Emily asked wearily, barely looking at him, instead choosing to focus on the crystal bowl on the center of her mantle. A bowl he'd given her years ago...for her birthday. Sadly, while her own mother had forgotten the date, choosing instead to send an overpriced extravagant bouquet of flowers later in the week, Aaron Hotchner had remembered. He thoughtfully chosen a bowl she'd admired while taking a rare moment to window shop on a case that had carried their team to Calgary, Canada. She hadn't even realized that he'd noticed her awe of the flawless blown glass craftsmanship the prior week. But, evidently, he had. The gift had been waiting on her desk on the morning of her birthday, the card attached signed with a simple, "H".

Then, that simple kindness had filled her with warmth...with hope. Now, it only served to remind her of all the things she might never have a chance to have, and the urge to surge to her feet and hurl the intricately designed centerpiece against the wall caused her fingers to clench around the throw. "It's not fair," she whispered, unaware that she'd even spoken aloud.

"Life isn't fair," Hotch's deep voice stated, no judgment in his tone. Just a simple statement of fact. "That doesn't mean that we get to bail so easily."

"You think that's what I was trying to do?" Emily asked sharply, turning her head to nail him with a piercing stare. "You think I was trying 'to bail'?"

"I think you're preparing to die, Emily. You're trying to tie up loose ends. You're going into this defeated, and the battle hasn't even began," Hotch replied, his soft voice hardening with blistering honesty, well aware that anything less would be easily batted to the side like a fluff of cotton. "And I think that with that attitude, the war will be lost."

"My life isn't a battle plan," Emily retorted impatiently, her lips tightening.

"Unfortunately, right now, it is. The cancer is the aggressor...your life is the coveted prize. And you have to fight for it," Hotch returned implacably. "You're playing defense. Playing defense will cost you the war. You need a good offensive. That's where we come in."

"My own personal army, huh?" Emily said with a faint, albeit unwilling, smile as she imagined Penelope Garcia donned in a suit of armor wielding her sword against a hapless nurse.

"Something like that," Hotch said with a slight nod. Sitting silently with her for a few seconds, he watched as she seemed to drift off in thought. "You can't quit, Emily," he said firmly, keeping his eyes trained on her averted face.

"Unless I misunderstood you earlier, you've already rescinded my letter of resignation, Hotch," Emily said through her clenched teeth, turning her eyes back to him.

She'd taken his statement literally, he thought irritably. "That isn't what I meant. And I think we both know it, Prentiss."

"I haven't quit," Emily retorted, her anger building at his audacity. How dare he come into her home and presume to make judgment calls about her decisions. Heart wrenching decisions that she'd spent painstaking hours deliberating. Who the hell did he think he was? "I'm NOT quitting, Hotch," she insisted vehemently, kicking slightly at the soft throw.

"Then what the hell would you call it, Emily?" Hotch asked impatiently, his hand dropping to the arm of the recliner, holding it in a white knuckled grip.

Glancing toward him as his biting voice washed over her, Emily saw his eyes glittering with some unnamed emotion...one she was afraid to examine too closely. "I call it trying to protect the people I care about from the overwhelming cruelties of life. Don't you think that you all see enough of that, Aaron?" she asked, her voice begging him to see her side of the equation.

* * *

_**Author's Note 2 - Also guys, please don't forget that if you'd like to advertise the awards on your own profile pages or stories, there's a short blurb on my (ilovetvalot) and Tonnie's (tonnie2001969) profile page for you to copy and paste if you choose! **_

**_Again, thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting this story!_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's Note: Hello, readers! A couple of notes for you today.**_

_**First, please remember to stop by our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" and grab a nomination ballot for the first EVER Profiler's Choice Awards! You have THIRTEEN days remaining to nominate your picks and we'd love to hear from each one of you. Come, help us make sure that your favorite stories and authors get the recognition that they deserve.**_

_**Also at the forum, signups for our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange" are underway! All you need to do is reply to the thread at the forum or send us a PM telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Nine**

"There's no comparison of what we do on a daily basis to the life-and-death crisis of one of our team members," Hotch replied stiffly, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the dark-haired beauty. Shaking his head, he straightened his shoulders as he declared, "You're far more important than any criminal. Our team happens to care for you, too, Emily. And denying them…" he paused for a moment, then said, "denying us the opportunity to care for you would be cruel."

"But it would be even crueler asking everyone to put their lives on hold," Emily countered, refusing to acknowledge the sudden skip of her heart at his earlier words. "Especially when we don't even know if…"

His hand jerked into a solid stop sign as he ordered, "Don't even say it. I told you earlier that you couldn't give up. You will fight this, Emily. And you will let us help." Swallowing, Aaron felt his chest clench as he added, his voice barely audible in the quiet room, "Please."

It was that one simple word that seemed to break down the barriers that she had so carefully constructed in preparation for his visit. Meeting his dark gaze, she searched those unfathomable depths, seeing a mirror image of her own emotions flashing back. And if she wasn't mistaken, she was almost certain that she could identify something more…something deeper. Something he was trying to keep hidden from her.

Finally blinking, Emily cleared her throat as she murmured, "I don't want to be a burden to anyone, Hotch. Least of all the people that I consider to be my family."

"When did you become so selfish?" Hotch replied, his voice low and dangerous in the still room. "Who the hell are you to try and make decisions that affect us? Has it occurred to you that anyone that chooses not to be here, won't be? We're more than capable of making up our own minds, Prentiss."

Pausing to watch his words sink in, he knew he'd struck a chord when her face paled further. "If you recall, shutting the team out wasn't an option for me either when Foyet was terrorizing people that I loved, was it?"

"And if I remember correctly," Emily retorted, her eyes flashing, "You gave it your best shot."

"I did," Hotch nodded, relieved to see a bit of the spark that defined her personality returning to her shuttered eyes, "But, perhaps you should remember your words to me, Emily. Do you remember?"

Lips compressing, Emily bit the inside of her cheek. Damn him for throwing her own words back in her face….especially now.

"I do," Hotch continued, taking her silence as assent. "You said that I could run as fast as I wanted from the people that cared, but that there were more of you than there were of me."

"It was a different situation, Hotch," Emily denied softly, grasping at straws, willing to twist whatever she could to make him see her point of view. "You had an enemy we could face head on. Someone tangible to fight. You can't help me fight an invisible enemy."

"You're reaching. And you're wrong," Hotch shook his head. "Look, Prentiss," he sighed, running a hand around the back of his tense neck, "I've already buried one person I cared about this year. I couldn't do a thing to prevent her death. I'm not walking away and neither is anybody else on our team. Deal with it. Or don't," he shrugged. "It won't change how we proceed."

"Why couldn't you just leave things alone, Hotch?" Emily asked bitterly, her fingers clenching at the ribbed end of the blanket. "It was none of your business. I had a plan."

"To die. You had a plan to die, Emily. Now, I'll grant you, the way you'd worked things your death would have caused as little inconvenience as possible to anyone. But, ultimately, your plan sucked," Hotch stated flatly, his dark eyes accusing, his shoulders stiffening as he forced down morbid images threatening to overtake his mind. "Because you are not going to die."

"You don't know that," Emily shook her head, picking up the leaflets on the end table beside her. "You should read these statistics," she demanded, shaking the glossy brochures at him, the paper whipping in the air. "What I should be doing is booking a cruise to someplace sunny and warm and enjoying the time I have left instead of going through with this stupid surgery!"

Ignoring the papers she waved at him, he asked starkly, "So why aren't you, Emily?"

"What?" she snapped, her eyebrows furrowing as she met his gaze.

"Why aren't you on a cruise right now?" he asked simply, leaning forward to rest his elbows in his knees.

Silent, Emily stared back at him, the only sound the soft hum of the air vents above her head. "I don't know," she finally replied faintly, honestly stumped by his question.

"I do," he replied softly, searching her eyes. "It's called survival instinct. As long as there's a chance to get better, you have to take it. And you need to allow us to help you with that."

"Hotch, you can't. No one can. Either I'll live or..."

"No or, Emily," Hotch replied sharply, his jaw flexing. "Maybe I should have allowed the team to descend on you tonight. Maybe one of them could get through that hard head of yours."

"You act like I'm trying to be difficult here," Emily accused, her frustration growing. Why the hell couldn't he, of all people, see where she was coming from?

"Aren't you?" Hotch asked curiously, cocking his head at her.

"I'm trying to protect everyone, Hotch," Emily said, her hushed voice convicted.

"Too late, Emily," Hotch shook his head, refusing to allow her to hide behind that faulty reasoning. "The cat's out of the bag. Everybody knows and no one wants your version of protection."

"Thanks to your theatrical presentation of the facts, I'm sure," Emily grumbled, her hands tightening in the throw over her legs.

"When have I ever been theatrical? I leave that to better actors than I," Hotch replied, his lips twitching. "I simply gave them the facts. And other than being incredibly...agitated… that you hadn't been more forthcoming about your condition, everyone was extremely concerned. In fact, I'm guessing that any second now, your phone begins ringing. I'm actually surprised they honored my request to get here and talk to you first. Morgan and Garcia were a bit put off that I denied you the pleasure of their company, but I thought in the interest of getting some rest, this way might be best."

"So, is that your eloquent way of saying I've got some severely pissed colleagues?" Emily asked, tongue in cheek, as she cut through the subterfuge. And that thought honestly didn't surprise her, her earlier thoughts on the matter once again returning as she realized that her coworkers…her family…were less than thrilled with her actions.

"In a word, yes," Hotch said with a slow smile. And as her phone began to ring, he crossed his arms over his broad chest. Nodding at the phone, he said softly, "Good luck."

* * *

_**Author's Note 2 - Also guys, please don't forget that if you'd like to advertise the awards on your own profile pages or stories, there's a short blurb on my (ilovetvalot) and Tonnie's (tonnie2001969) profile page for you to copy and paste if you choose! **_

_**Again, thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting this story!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note: Hello, friends. A couple of announcements for you all today.**_

_**We have FIVE days left to nominate our favorite stories and authors for first ever ff. net based Profiler's Choice Awards located at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". The nomination deadline is October 15, 2010. We have had a great response so far and we still want to hear from you. Rules, deadlines, and the blank ballot are all located at the forum (which can be reached thru a link in both my and tonnie2001969's profile pages).**_

_**We'd also like to announce our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple. Participants can either PM us or join on the forum thread. **__**All you need to do is reply to the thread at the forum or send us a PM telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**We also have a new discussion thread open for your comments called, "What Do We, the Authors, Owe Our Readers?" Please drop by and leave your thoughts.**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Ten**

Two hours later, Emily realized that Hotch had been serious when he had spoken that easy phrase. She had found that she truly needed all the luck she could get while facing…well, speaking to…an irate Penelope Garcia.

And then to the rest of her team. Every single one of them.

One phone call might have been doable. But four phone calls…each one building on the previous… had proven to strain what meager emotional resources she had still possessed.

The final call with JJ had been the downfall. The tiny blonde had perfectly expressed what the entire team had been feeling…fear and shock mixed with disappointment and hurt. Emily was fairly certain that she would never forget the sound of JJ's voice at that moment she had demanded that Emily never attempt to hide something like this from them ever again. She had heard that tone before…and had seen grown men quake in JJ's presence while experiencing it.

And for a moment when she hung up the phone, Emily felt her emotional dam start to crack, in spite of her stern orders to her psyche otherwise. The sheer fact that her team…her quasi-family…cared seemed to overwhelm her, flooding her well-placed levees. Blinking rapidly as she attempted to clear both her mind and her eyes, she pulled blindly at the thin blanket, needing the comfort it could offer.

The sound a deep voice interrupted her scattered thoughts just then as Aaron asked from the doorway to the kitchen, "Wouldn't you be more comfortable in your own bed? It's almost midnight, you know."

Jerking her head up, Emily swallowed hard as she met his deep dark eyes. "You're still here?" she asked, forcing herself to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall in spite of her stern orders otherwise. She had honestly thought he had left at least half an hour ago, her mind completely wrapped up in the conversation.

"I told you; I'm going with you to the hospital in the morning. Doesn't make much sense to leave when I'm only going to come back in just a few hours."

Perhaps it was the fact that for hours now, she'd felt this crushing guilt building as each member of their team had told her the same thing. Thanks to him. Maybe it was his factual tone that pushed her into action. Maybe it was the handsome set of his face, staring at her, daring her to contradict him.

Honestly, she couldn't pinpoint what sent her surging to her feet, casting her throw to the side as she launched herself at him. Later, she'd remember her hands connecting with the wall of his chest, shoving him backward. But in the moment, she was blinded by rage.

"You! This is all your fault, damn you!" she screamed, the words clawing out of her throat. "No one would know if it wasn't for you! It was bad enough that I have to feel this way, but to inflict it on the team..."

"Emily," Hotch said calmly, resolutely ignoring the pain her blows against his chest caused.

"Shut up!" she screamed at him, tears running freely down her face. "You had no right! No right to do this to me! To them!" she yelled, slapping him again, her palm connecting sharply with his sternum.

"Emily, stop!" Hotch soothed, capturing her arms between them as he tightened his arms around her. He'd known she was on the verge of implosion...known her emotions were hanging by a tenuous string. And evidently, the dam had finally burst.

"Did you ever even stop to ask yourself why I was making the choices I was, Aaron?" Emily wept, sobs wracking her overwhelmed body as she fought against his strong hands. "I was trying to protect them from it...I didn't want them to hurt..."

"Shhh, Emily," Hotch murmured, grimacing at the pain he heard in her voice as he pulled her closer. "We were going to hurt either way. At least this way, we get to be with you."

"Don't you see? I don't know if I can win. I'm not sure if I can beat this, Aaron," she whimpered, burying her face in his chest as she clutched his torso, suddenly desperate for something to hang on to. "It's bad. It's really, really bad, Hotch," she whispered, hating herself for having to admit those simple words. "The doctors said...the survival rate for this kind of cancer...I...the odds..." she rambled, the floodgates rapidly failing.

"Prentiss," Hotch said firmly, knowing he had to snap her out of it before she dissolved before his eyes. Wrapping his hands around her arms, he shook her slightly. "Emily! Listen to me."

"I'm going to die, Hotch," Emily whispered vacantly, her eyes dilated and unblinking as she stared at the button on his shirt.

"Emily!" Hotch said loudly, shaking her again, determined to find the woman that he knew had to still be inside her. "We're all going to die someday. But you aren't going to die today. Or tomorrow. Or any time soon."

"You don't know that," she shook her head, her terrified eyes meeting his as she swallowed against the pain.

"Yes, I do," Aaron declared determinedly, hauling her closer as his fingers tightened around her too-thin arms. "You're going to fight. It's going to be hard. And I know it's going to seem impossible at times. But you're going to win this battle. And you're going to let us help you do it."

His eyes burned with intensity as he spoke to her, each word forceful. But even as she heard the words, her heart sank. Cancer. She'd been scared before...staring into the eyes of deranged killers...watching her friends suffer through their pain...but she'd never felt this kind of paralyzing fear. The kind that eclipsed every other emotion in the spectrum.

"You aren't God, Aaron. I don't think you can call the shots on this one. And this is one time that being the boss isn't going to get you anywhere," Emily shuddered. "You should have left me alone."

"You didn't leave me alone," Hotch countered evenly, staring into her clouded eyes. "You and every other member of this team stayed with me every step of the way. When you should have run, you stood firm. Did you really think we were going to do any less with you?"

"No," Emily said weakly, wrinkling her nose as she swiped at her wet cheeks. "Hence my deception. But you couldn't let it go."

She had it wrong, he thought, his eyes boring into hers for a charged instant. He couldn't let her go. There was a big difference. And while his mind wasn't ready to accept the whys and wherefores of that particular conundrum, his heart already knew. Tamping down on his emotions, Hotch said softly, "It's late and you're exhausted. You've got a long day ahead of you tomorrow, Emily. Make your peace with the fact that no one is going to desert you. No one is going to walk away...not even if you beg, scream or cry."

What the hell, Emily thought to herself. If she was going to die, she might as well be honest. So she said the first thing that came to mind. "You're all idiots."

* * *

_**Author's Note 2 - Also guys, please don't forget that if you'd like to advertise the awards on your own profile pages or stories, there's a short blurb on my (ilovetvalot) and Tonnie's (tonnie2001969) profile page for you to copy and paste if you choose! **_

_**Again, thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting this story!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: Hello fellow readers and authors! A few housekeeping items for the day. First, nominations for the first ever Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Awards are officially closed. Voting for the nominees will begin shortly. Please watch the forum for the final voting ballot. We will announce when it is available. Congratulations to all those nominees.**_

_**Second, we'd like to encourage you all to take a look at our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Participants can either PM us or join on the forum thread **__**telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**We also have a new discussion thread open for your comments called, "With Which Character Do You Most Identify and Why?" available at the forum as well as a great new interview with our fellow talented author Starofoberon. Please drop by and leave your thoughts.**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Eleven**

A mere six short hours later, Emily Prentiss was revising her belief that her team mates were idiots. Oh, they were definitely deserving of the title, but now she also chose to add herself to that collective. For no one in their right mind would have scheduled surgery at the God-forsaken hour of dawn, would she?

Blinking tiredly as she stared at the red numbers on the bedside clock, she yawned as she pushed up out of her comfortable bed and slammed her hand against the offending buzzer. She definitely didn't need the clock to inform her of the time…her own body was more than capable of letting her know that normal people should still be underneath the covers and tucked tightly against their pillows.

Stumbling to the bath attached to her bedroom, she resolutely splashed cold water on her face, wincing at the bracing feel against her skin. Buck up, Prentiss, she told herself sternly, forcing herself to go through the necessary motions. It doesn't matter that you didn't sleep more than an hour last night. It doesn't matter that you let your mind run rampant with thoughts of what ifs and what might be. What matters is that you've got to be at the hospital in a little under an hour to undergo the scariest thing you've ever been faced with in your life.

It's time to focus, she told herself sternly. She had her priorities, didn't she? And mission one for the day was to simply NOT die. She could do that, couldn't she?

Ten minutes later, she emerged from her bedroom, packed bag on her shoulder, to the delicious smell of brewing coffee. Following her nose to her usually underused kitchen, she stopped short as she stared at the suit-clad man leaning against her counter, sipping from one of her stoneware mugs. Raking her eyes up and down his body, she frowned as she asked, petulantly, "Do you sleep in that suit, Hotch, or do you just paint it on every morning?"

Raising one brow as he peered calmly at her, Hotch merely asked, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Really? You're asking me that question?" she asked sarcastically, eyeing his steaming mug of coffee longingly.

"I forgot that you don't function well...and by well, I mean at all...without a stiff dose of caffeine in the morning," Hotch quipped.

"Yeah," Emily muttered, her eyebrows furrowing. "Coffee that I'm not allowed to have this morning," she said, shooting him a dirty look.

"Sorry," Hotch apologized with a wince, immediately dumping the remainder of his mug down the sink. "I thought I'd have time to self-medicate and eliminate the evidence before you got up."

Sighing as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder, Emily shook her head, mentally kicking herself for her bitchy attitude. After all, he was trying to help her. "No, I'm sorry," Emily said softly. "There's no excuse for my bad manners."

"You mean other than the fact that you're about to have major surgery," Hotch noted, raising an eyebrow. "I think I can find it in my heart to give you a pass this morning."

"Just this morning?" Emily asked, leaning against the counter. How many times had she seen him at this God awful early hour? Hell, it was normal when they were in the field to get started before sunrise. And, no matter what time it was, he always looked so perfectly pressed...so endearingly handsome. If she hadn't enjoyed looking at him so much, it would have nauseated her.

"I wouldn't want you to get used to it," Hotch shrugged. "Do you have everything you need?" he asked, nodding toward her overnight bag. He wanted to take it from her...ease her burden...but he knew she wouldn't appreciate the gesture. Being perceived as weak was something he knew the dark haired woman was terrified of.

"Yeah," Emily replied, inhaling a shuddery breath as she felt another wave of nerves rattling her bones. Looking around her kitchen, she murmured, "You know, you never think the last time you are some place might be the last time you're in that place, you know?"

"Don't do that, Emily," Hotch demanded softly, reaching out to touch her arm lightly, drawing her gaze to his face. "You're going to be back. There's a hell of a lot left for you to do."

"You don't know that," Emily denied, her voice hushed as her eyes traveled around the room. "No one does."

"I'm making a choice to believe you will be and so should you," Hotch said firmly. "You're going to get through this. You're going to survive," he told her, willing her to believe him.

Lips twitching at his sure tone, Emily glanced up at his earnest face. "When did you become such an optimist, Hotch?"

"The moment I found out that one of the few people that actually knows me and still continues to have my back in spite of that fact told me that she was ill. What can I say?" he asked softly, his eyes meeting hers. "It was a game changer."

"Mind if I ask why?" Emily asked, propping her hip against the counter as she returned his stare.

"Ask me again after surgery," Hotch replied evenly, his stomach clenching as he realized in a few short hours, she'd begin the fight of her life...a fight he could only do so much to help her win despite his desire to do more. "I might consider telling you," he smirked, knowing that his non-answer would distract her from her current worries.

Eyebrows drawing together in consternation, Emily frowned. "Not fair, Aaron."

"Life usually isn't," Hotch shrugged, gently wrapping a hand around her arm and angling her toward the doorway. "But you can consider it an incentive to get better."

"But..." Emily whined, equally anxious to stall for more time and learn the answer to the question she'd been wondering about since he'd single handedly decided to take over her life.

"But, nothing, Prentiss" Hotch said, his hard voice unyielding as he gave her a small push toward the door. "It's time for you to go hand cancer its ass."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Author's Note: Hello fellow readers and authors!**_

_**FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS NOW AVAILABLE for the first ever ff. net based 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To vote, you can access the forum through either my (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969's profile pages. Details, rules and the voting ballot are available at the forum. Please read the rules first…we want your vote to be counted, so please follow the rules!**_

_**Want to help publicize the awards? Check out our profile pages for a blurb you can copy and paste to your profile pages and author's notes. We truly appreciate all the assistance our fellow authors have given us and hope you will continue to support this venture.**_

_**Take a look at our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Check out the details on the forum...sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**Looking for a prompt to whet your writing whistle? Our newest Friday Fortune Cookie Prompt is now up at the forum….and this week's suggestion was made by celticstarwolf, so be sure to check it out!**_

_**Ever wondered how other authors and readers feel about their favorite characters on our favorite show? Visit the forum to check out our new discussion thread open for your comments -"With Which Character Do You Most Identify and Why?" And while you're perusing the posts, check out our newest interviews with fellow authors Canadaindy, Bibi-Hibiki, DarkBard0, lovedrreid, and Helena Fallon!**_

_**Thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories! We think you're all awesome! And now…on to our story!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twelve**

Shifting on the uncomfortably thin hospital mattress as the nurse finished inserting a small needle into her arm, Emily smiled at her tense looking friends. "Really, guys, I'm okay. It's just an IV."

"Doesn't mean that we like watching you get poked and prodded on, my brave, bodacious friend," Pen grumbled, pursing her lips as she watched as the scrub-clad nurse extracted a vial of blood from the tubing while twisting a small knob on the other set of tubing.

"Ah, but as long as these little tubes deliver the good drugs, I think I'll just hold my peace," Emily said, forcing a reassuring smile to her lips as she leaned her head back against the hard pillow.

Lifting her head, the middle-aged nurse glanced around the room at the sea of faces surrounding her patient's bed. "I hate to be the party pooper here, but Ms. Prentiss is going to start feeling groggy fairly soon. The doctor ordered a sedative. Everyone needs to think about saying goodbye now. After surgery, we'll allow two visitors at a time once she's stabilized."

"Does everyone have to leave?" JJ frowned, her eyes narrowing as she glanced up at Emily's face.

Glancing at the pale woman lying on the bed, the nurse said, "One person can stay until we take her down to surgery."

"I'll stay," Hotch said solidly, stepping forward without hesitation as he rested his hand against the molded plastic rail. "The rest of you go get some coffee and find a corner of the waiting room for our small contingent."

"And rapidly growing," Morgan said, glancing out the open doorway, the muted sounds of voices filtering through the hallway. "Strauss just got here. So is the Director."

"Maybe you should go, too," Emily murmured to Aaron, casting a worried look toward the door.

"I'm fine where I am," Hotch assured her, lightly touching her chilled hand, letting his fingers rest against her skin.

"I can take care of Erin," Dave offered, stepping next to Aaron's side. "In fact, it'll be a welcome distraction," he grinned, thoughts of throwing her off the hospital's roof if she so much as made an iota of trouble for his team dancing through his mind.

"Oh, God," Emily groaned as Dave leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of her head.

"I'll see you on the flip side, Em," he whispered gruffly, his jaw clenching for a bare second.

"Me, too," JJ injected, bending to give Emily a gentle hug, resting her cheek against her best friend's. Meeting Hotch's eyes as she straightened, she murmured, "I'll also try to keep Dave from committing multiple murders in the waiting room."

"Don't know what you're talking about," Rossi said innocently, ambling out the hospital room's door with a determined step, "I can only kill her once."

Rolling her eyes, JJ quickly followed the elder profiler from the room, her body posture assuring them all that she was not about to let him break a commandment or the law.

"We should join them, Baby Girl," Morgan said softly, wrapping a supportive arm around Garcia's waist. Reaching out, he lightly squeezed Emily's foot. "We'll all be waiting, Prentiss. You just don't try any funny business down there."

"I won't," Emily smiled, catching her breath suddenly as Garcia hurled herself out of Morgan's arms and toward her.

Holding on tight, Garcia whispered violently against the thin hair cap covering Emily's long dark strands, "Don't you dare even THINK about leaving us, Princess. I swear, I'll find a way to follow you and kick that shapely tuckus Hotch stares at when he thinks nobody's looking! Got it?"

"Got it," Emily nodded against Pen's neck, gripping her friend's shoulders tightly for a second as she fought the rising panic in her chest. Drawing in a deep breath, she kept her voice even as she ordered lightly, "Don't get in any trouble while I'm knocked out."

"I won't. Promise," Garcia agreed, wiping her eyes as she pulled back, staring at her friend for a moment as if she was memorizing her face. "You take care of her," she said suddenly, turning to point a finger at the harried nurse. "I've got a modem and I know how to use it."

"What?" the nurse faltered, her fingers gripping the IV tubing a tad too tightly as she stared in amazement at the brightly dressed frowning woman.

"Don't ask," Hotch and Emily muttered in unison.

Waiting until his colleagues slipped from the room, Reid stepped forward, holding up a red felt tipped marker.

"Feel like working on an art project, Reid?" Emily asked slowly, confused as Reid slipped it into her hand.

"No. Patients now typically circle the affected areas where they want the surgeon to focus their attentions. It began so that doctors did not accidently amputate the incorrect limb. I thought it might be useful for you now. You'd need to encircle your lower left quadrant and..."

"I think the surgeon knows what he's doing, Reid," Emily smiled, flipping the pen in her fingers as she pushed it back toward the young genius. "Pen vetted him. Six times."

Reluctantly accepting the marker from Emily's fingers, Reid audibly gulped as he looked down at the woman he considered to be an older sister. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Emily nodded solemnly, nodding slowly. Catching Reid's trembling hand, Emily gave it a comforting squeeze. "It's going to be okay, Reid."

"Seems like I'm always leaving you behind to face a dangerous situation," Reid murmured, averting his gaze as he remembered their shared time in Cyrus' compound. For months, his nightmares had been built upon those hours of terror, deeply exacerbated by the knowledge that she had selflessly sacrificed herself in order to save him. And while Emily had tried to tell him, over and over, that he performed admirably in the position as Cyrus' confidante, he had never been able to forgive himself for letting her bear the brunt of the horror.

"Hey," Emily admonished as she watched Reid's jaw flex reflexively, his thoughts not nearly as hidden as he liked to think them to be sometimes. "Don't do that. No regrets, remember?"

And as she said the words, she reminded herself that she needed to take her own advice. The time for regrets was over…and she was going to move forward with whatever life she was given.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Hello, readers! Just a couple of notes today -**

**Sign-ups for the Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange Challenge end October 31st . Please remember to stop by and sign up at the "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum if interested. We'd love to have each one of you. And remember, we will be taking NO late entries for this challenge.**

**Also, friends, don't forget to vote in "The Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Awards" headquartered at the forum as well (it can also be reached thru my profile page or tonnie2001969 profile page if you choose). We've had a phenomenal response so far, but we want each one of you to be heard thru your vote. Voting ends on November 30th and details can be found at the forum.**

**New interviews are posted on "Chit Chat" with our very talented co-authors: TheSecretCity, montez, jeffandjimmieschick, and Spark Shark. Check them as well as several of our other nominees out. We'll be adding more as we draw closer to the end of the awards!**

**Thanks to everyone that continues to read, review alert and favorite...we truly appreciate each one of you!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"I remember," Reid mumbled, dropping his gaze to their joined hands. "You've done an impressive job of not allowing me to forget."

"Good," Emily said with a meaningful look at her friend, conveying in those short shared moments sentiments that she hoped the young genius would remember for a life time. "Because I meant every word. Now, go. Make sure that nobody sheds any blood in the waiting room, okay?"

"I'll do my best," Reid assented with a faint smile, his full lips barely pulling up at the edges as he slowly let her pull her hand away. "Take care, okay?"

"I will," Emily nodded, blinking back tears as she watched the gangly, awkward man that had become one of her best friends slide from the room.

Looking between the sole visitor left and her patient, the nurse offered a kind smile as she continued to make quick notes on a laptop next to the bed. "Quite an eclectic collection of friends you have, Ms. Prentiss."

"They are," Emily agreed, swallowing painfully against the tightness in her throat as she tried to relax against the pillow. The drugs were beginning to work, she thought almost absently. Slowly, the tension was receding, leaving her with a slightly warm feeling invading her limbs.

"I'll just give you two a few minutes then," the nurse nodded, her eyes focusing on the soft look the man was directing at her patient...like his heart was breaking inside his chest. She had seen that look on many a husband in the past…although she was fairly certain her patient was listed as single.

"Thank you," Hotch said gruffly, moving back to the side of the bed as the nurse softly closed the door behind her. Staring down at the woman that had somehow captured his heart, he couldn't resist tucking the stray strand of hair resting against her cheek back underneath her surgical cap. "How are you doing?" he asked quietly, watching her eyes blink slowly as she tried to focus on him.

"Do you always wear a suit?" Emily asked dreamily, leaning toward his hand as she felt his fingers rest against her cheek. Wait! Had she just questioned her boss' choice of clothing attire? What the hell were they putting in her IV?

"I think you just answered my question," Hotch returned with a barely contained smile, glancing toward her IV pole as he read the printed words on the medicine bags. "They must be pumping the good stuff in now."

"You'd look good in jeans. Your ass could pull it off," she grinned, the drugs fogging her mind and muting her senses in spite of the small voice in the back of her mind screaming for her to stop.

"Think so?" Hotch chuckled, relieved to see some of the worry fading from her eyes as her lids grew heavier, in spite of her obvious attempts to stall the inevitable. And while a part of him wanted her to succumb quickly so that the surgery could soon be over, another part of him wanted to keep her right here with him, right where he could see her and know that she was safe at this moment.

_But she's not safe,_ his mind sternly reminded him. _She's sick. Just look at the deep circles beneath her eyes…and the IVs attached to her arms. And if she's going to get better, you have to let her go._

"Uh huh," she sighed, blinking rapidly as she tried to stifle a yawn threatening to overtake her. "I'm getting sleepy," she murmured drowsily, snuggling back against the mattress as she plucked at the edge of the light blanket covering her legs.

"Then you should close your eyes, Emily," Hotch's smooth voice urged, his finger traveling lightly over the flawless skin of her cheek, memorizing the arched planes of her face.

"Don't wanna," she slurred, opening her eyes suddenly. Making a grab for his tie dangling over her, it took her two attempts to snag the elusive piece of fabric. "Gotcha," she grinned loopily at him, his dark eyes hypnotizing her. Somewhere in the dim recesses of her mind, she knew she wasn't acting like herself, but she fully intended to blame it on the drugs coursing through her if she survived. She only knew that at this moment, she had one last chance to feel something.

"I guess you do," Hotch noted, glancing down at where her hand wrapped around his tie, tugging him closer toward her prone body.

"C'mere. Gotta do this in case 's m'last chance," Emily urged, pulling again with what little strength she had left, forcing her muscles to cooperate in spite of their obvious choices otherwise.

He knew what she wanted, the knowledge burning bright in her eyes. And he wouldn't bother denying that he wanted her kiss with equal ferocity. But he couldn't do it, could he? Not now, not when things were clouded with uncertainty.

But where was the harm? She very probably wouldn't remember it anyway.

Bending, Aaron whispered, "Close your eyes, Emily."

"Nope," she smiled widely, shaking her head even though waves suddenly spilled through her mind. "Wanna see your face," she reasoned before lifting her head to touch his lips with her own.

Sighing as her cool lips touched his, Aaron met her gaze as her mouth parted, seeking a more intimate touch. And he was helpless to resist. Groaning quietly, his own eyes fell closed as their tongues tangled in a sweetly innocent kiss. He had seconds to memorize her taste, the smooth slide of her tongue, but seconds were all he needed. He'd been dreaming of it for what felt like a lifetime. No dream was as wonderful as the reality, though.

And then…it was over much too quickly.

Pulling back as her head fell limply against the pillows, Hotch stared down at her closed eyes, the medications having finally performed their ultimate purpose. And leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her ear. "I'll be damned if that was the last time I kiss you, Emily Prentiss."

And deep inside, he hoped with every fiber of his being that she'd heard him.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Author's Note: Hello, wonderful readers. I hope everyone in the good ole US of A remembered to adjust their clocks for daylight savings time. (I didn't). At any rate, we have just a few announcements for everyone today.**_

_**First, please remember to try and spare a few moments over the upcoming three weeks and VOTE for your favorite authors and stories in the "Profiler's Choice Awards" at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. You have through the end of November 30, 2010 to let your vote be heard and we want to hear from each one of you. If you don't know much about forums, links can be found through either my profile (ilovetvalot) or my awesome co-author (tonnie2001969). Remember, anyone that wants to help advertise the awards has our unending gratitude and there is also a short blurb you can use on our profile pages.**_

_**Second, we also have a new fortune cookie prompt for you at the forum compliments of our "Fortune Cookie Friday post (Sorry, we forgot to advertise it yesterday). And we also have great new interviews with several of our nominees. Today, we are "getting to know" the following: Morivanim, SSA Cuteass, jirrg, mrytale2-5, and SSAEmilyHotchner. More interviews are coming soon!**_

_**Many thanks to everyone still reading these stories. We really appreciate you. Now, on with the show!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Stepping out into the brightly lit waiting room, Aaron Hotchner blinked as he scanned the crowded area. Every chair seemed to be occupied, and all eyes suddenly turned toward him as he stood framed in the door.

He knew those looks. He had been part of "the family" before…desperately turning to anyone who looked like they were in authority for just a small update, a tiny word that would assure him that everything was moving in positive direction. Memories from his mother's many surgeries sprang to mind unbidden, his breath catching for a moment as he remembered sitting beside his brother in a similar room, hours passing like molasses while they impatiently waited for the results of the surgeon's handiwork.

And here he was again. Family. Waiting. Desperately needed answers for what was an unanswerable situation. But this time, he was unwilling to let go…fate was not going to take another person from him.

His reverie was broken then by a slight movement in the corner of his eye, and he quickly recognized Dave's hand waving in his direction. Skirting around the edge of the receptionist's desk, his long legs ate up the distance until he reached the far corner of the waiting room...where his entire team plus some were waiting for him.

Waiting for the inevitable to begin.

Clearing his throat as he nodded politely to the director of the FBI, who was huddled with Strauss in a nearby alcove, deep in some serious conversation, Aaron turned toward his team and said without preamble, "Surgery should start any time now. They wheeled her out just as I was leaving."

"How was she?" Dave asked, his quiet voice carrying the sharp edge of worry. He, better than anyone in the waiting room, knew how tenuous Emily's situation was. He'd lived it before and the grim knowledge shined in his eyes.

"Scared, but brave," Hotch replied truthfully, knowing that sugarcoating reality would serve no good, the group around fully capable of reading beyond the surface and finding the dark underbelly of any situation. "She was trying hard to be strong. You know how Emily is," he murmured, his voice fading for a moment.

"Yeah," Dave nodded with a faint smile, "She'd rather chew nails than admit that she can't handle this on her own, wouldn't she?"

"Was it that easy to see?" Hotch sighed, shoving his hand in his pocket. "She thought she hid it so well," he added dryly, memories of the previous evening fresh in his crowded mind.

Opening his mouth to respond, Dave paused when he heard the tap of heels walking into the room. Turning his head, he smiled at a tense looking JJ as she walked toward them. "We saved you a seat," he told her, nodding to the vacant plastic chair on his left.

"Thanks," she murmured, sliding into the empty chair and passing him a cup of coffee, their fingers touching for a bare second. Offering Hotch the other cup, she continued softly, "You look like you need this worse than I do, Hotch."

Gratefully accepting the paper cup from her hand, Hotch removed the plastic lid, the warm steam teasing his nostrils. "Thank you, JJ."

"No problem," JJ said, disregarding his gratitude with a wave of her slim hand. Leaning forward to see him around Dave, she asked, the strain evident in her voice, "Do we know anything yet?"

"They just took her to the operating room. The nurse told me it would probably be a couple of hours until our first update," Hotch informed her, his voice sounding grimmer than he would have liked. But for the life of him, injecting positivity into his statement was beyond him now. He remembered well the last time he'd felt like this. And at the end of that day, his ex-wife was dead.

Would today end the same?

"So, we wait," JJ said faintly, her shoulders sagging as she stared straight ahead, lost in her thoughts that seemed to overwhelm her.

"We wait," Hotch affirmed with a slow nod, raising the coffee to his lips and taking a careful, steadying sip.

"Where's Will, JJ?" Morgan asked from the corner as he looked around the room, frowning as Garcia's hand flew out to slap him sharply on the arm.

Feeling all eyes except Penelope's turn toward her, JJ flushed. Shaking her head, she forced a smile. "Not here," she shrugged, letting the words hang in the air as she refused to expound on the topic.

"Why not?" Reid asked in confusion, his voice suddenly faltering as he felt the heat of Penelope's glare on his face.

Looking around the assembled group, JJ replied, voice as neutral as possible, "My life really isn't the today's focus, is it, guys."

"She's evading," Derek said, jabbing an accusing finger at her. "Did anybody else here that?" he yelped as Garcia's elbow connected with his ribs. "Ouch!"

"JJ?" Hotch asked slowly, turning toward her and raising a dark brow.

Seeing the flush deepen against her cheeks, Dave interrupted the sudden interrogation. "I'm sure that if and when JJ chooses to share her personal life with us, she will. Leave the woman alone."

"Excuse me for being a little tired of the female members of our team hiding shit until the last conceivable moment," Derek retorted without thinking. "Haven't any of you had it with the freaking secrets around here?" he asked, his heated eyes staring at JJ.

"I'm not keeping secrets. Will just isn't relevant right now," JJ countered, her shoulders stiffening as she met her teammates' eyes. "Emily is."

"Yeah, well, I can't exactly yell at Prentiss right now, can I?" Derek asked angrily, the need to hurt someone...anyone… almost tangible.

"You aren't going to yell at JJ either," Dave said, his voice deceptively soft as his eyes gleamed in warning.

"I'm not Reid, Rossi. I don't take orders from you," Morgan growled, stiffening.

"Hey!" Reid yelped indignantly, jerking his head to glare at the nearby profiler.

"Hot Stuff, hush before you start a fight that your really don't want to have," Penelope worried, grabbing Derek's arm as she watched Dave's eyes flash.

Recognizing the situation for what it was...a group of incredibly worried individuals ready to rip each other's throats out in order to avoid what really scared them...Hotch stood. "Enough," he snapped, glaring at the gathered faces around him, keeping his voice low but serious, well-aware of the audience they could quickly have if Strauss chose that moment to join their group. "Striking out at each other is the last thing that ANY of us need to do. Emily needs a united front, damn it! Not this."

Hearing a chorus of mumbled apologies, Hotch resumed his seat as each team member averted their gaze, each feeling guilty in his or her own way.

He could understand that. He was the guiltiest of them all.

It was going to be a hell of a long wait.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's Note: Hello, wonderful readers. At any rate, we have just a few announcements for everyone today.**_

_**IMPORTANT: WE HAVE 16 DAYS LEFT TO VOTE! LET'S ALL GET MOTIVATED!**_

_**First, please remember to try and spare a few moments over the upcoming three weeks and VOTE for your favorite authors and stories in the "Profiler's Choice Awards" at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. You have through the end of November 30, 2010 to let your vote be heard and we want to hear from each one of you. If you don't know much about forums, links can be found through either my profile (ilovetvalot) or my awesome co-author (tonnie2001969). Remember, anyone that wants to help advertise the awards has our unending gratitude and there is also a short blurb you can use on our profile pages.**_

_**Second, we also have a new fortune cookie prompt for you at the forum compliments of our "Fortune Cookie Friday post (Sorry, we forgot to advertise it yesterday). And we also have great new interviews with several of our nominees. Today, we are "getting to know" the following: b-mystique, Nagen66, Monkeywand, and Hidge. More interviews are coming soon!**_

_**Many thanks to everyone still reading these stories. We really appreciate you. Now, on with the show!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Fifteen**

Two miserable hours later, the team received their first status update regarding Emily's condition, and the news left each of them grimmer and more worried than they'd been before. After two hours under the knife, their friend had already coded twice...and the tumor was more extensive than first anticipated.

Such news did not inspire confidence in any of them…least of all Aaron Hotchner. He was not accustomed to being on this side of the fence, not able to stop what was happening and having to rely on the skills of others to save one of his own.

Releasing a shuddery breath, Hotch comforted himself with the solid knowledge that Emily was fighting. Hard. And she wasn't going down without a fight. "Someone needs to notify Strauss of the latest update. Otherwise, we're going to be adding her presence to the party again," he heard Dave say softly, his low voice resonating in a room where everyone else had virtually stopped breathing, the surgical nurse's pronouncements having stolen everyone's collective breath.

"Oh, hell no," Morgan shook his head. "I'll call her. She and the director left about thirty minutes ago, so she should be back at the Bureau by now. And that's exactly where she needs to keep herself."

"I'll go with you, Handsome," Penelope said, rising beside him and patting his muscled arm. "I could use some fresh air anyway," she said truthfully.

"Me, too," Reid offered, his voice weak as he unfolded himself from the small chair, his body almost jack-knifing with the effort.

Nodding at the trio, Hotch cleared his throat before speaking. "That's a good idea. You all heard the nurse. It's going to be a long afternoon. Everyone needs to try and take a break. Morgan, you, Garcia and Reid, go first."

"Will do, Boss Man. With grateful thanks," Pen offered, her voice unusually quiet as she felt Morgan's hand wrap hers tightly, pulling her to his side.

Nodding, Morgan and Reid followed her toward the door. "I'll let Strauss know that you'll touch base with her in a couple more hours," Morgan said over his shoulder as they eased toward the hallway.

Nodding, Hotch watched them go, each one looking as if they bore the weight of the world on their hunched shoulders. Glancing toward JJ and Dave, he murmured,

"Why don't you two get out of here, too? Go grab a cup of coffee or something."

"I'm fine," JJ demurred softly, her eyes never moving from where the stared at some invisible point on the opposite wall.

"Me, too," Dave agreed immediately, meeting Aaron's eyes with a calm gaze. "Jen and I can stay here while you go for a walk though. Aaron, you're the one that stayed with her last night. You've got to be tired."

"No, I'm fine," Hotch denied with a negative shake of his head as he fought the sudden urge to let his shoulders slump. "I'm not leaving until she's out of surgery."

"You're going to the cafeteria, man. Not Outer Mongolia," Dave snorted, shifting in his seat to look deeper at the younger agent. "Look, Aaron, this is gonna be a long war...none of us can afford to walk into it already beaten down. That goes for you, too, Jen," Dave said pointedly, noting the dark circles underneath the media liaison's eyes. "You don't look like you slept last night either."

"I'm fine," JJ repeated again as she shook her head, refusing to meet his knowing eyes.

"Yeah, there seems to be a lot of 'fine' going around today...It's like an epidemic," he said sarcastically, looking between his two favorite people. "Unfortunately for both of you, I have a seeming superpower for being able to spot bullshit at ten paces."

"Okay," JJ sighed, unable to remain silent when Rossi turned his determined stare on her once again, his gaze seeming to bore into her soul. "I'm not fine. But, I'm also not leaving."

"Me either," Hotch muttered, settling back in his uncomfortable chair and crossing one long leg over the other.

"Well, that's progress," Dave nodded approvingly as he mimicked the other man's pose. "Admitting there's a problem is the first step to recovery. Now," he said patiently, looking from Hotch's indiscernible face to JJ's averted gaze, "would either one of you like to share what's bothering you...beyond Emily's current situation, that is."

"No," JJ and Hotch replied in stereo, the alto and bass combining in perfect harmony.

"A united front, I believe you said earlier. Was this what you were talking about?" Dave said with a touch of sarcasm, gesturing between the two of them.

"Not exactly, but..." Hotch shrugged, his words fading off as he let himself take a deep breath.

"You're not going to stop talking until one of us answers your questions, are you?" JJ asked with a faint smile, her words thrown at the man sitting beside her.

"Probably not," Dave agreed with a cheeky grin. "What can I say? I'm bored."

Rolling her eyes, JJ sighed. "Will left," she said simply, staring straight ahead. "I haven't been sleeping well."

"What do you mean, 'Will left'? Hotch asked suddenly with a hard look at JJ, momentarily diverted from his current worries.

"I mean that Will decided being involved with an FBI agent that had limited time to cater to his over sensitized ego was more than he could handle. Two weeks ago, he hopped the first plane he could find back to the Big Easy, and I haven't heard from him since," JJ informed both men, their gaping mouths an obvious sign of their surprise. Looking from one to the other, she smirked. "Oh, don't look so shocked. I know there was a betting pool going for how long this would take...who won the pot?"

"I don't bet on my friend's happiness or unhappiness, as the case may be," Dave retorted, his jaw clenching as he imagined wrapping his hands around LaMontagne's throat and informing him of a few pertinent facts of life.

"Uh huh," JJ nodded slowly, her tone indicating her disbelief. "So who won?" JJ asked, turning toward Hotch.

"Andersen, I think," Hotch verified dryly, meeting JJ's blue eyes as he wondered how much more their team could take.

"He should split the proceeds with me," JJ mused, dropping her head back against the wall. "Especially since I did all the work."

"Are you going to be okay?" Hotch asked, his voice pitched low.

"I'm going to be peachy," JJ smiled reassuringly, her hands folded in her lap. "Just as soon as I know that Emily is going to be all right."

"Emily is going to kick your ass when she finds out you kept this a secret from her," Dave said casually, his jaw clenching even as his words seemed normal. "Much the way I'm tempted to turn you across my knee."

"I'm fine," JJ insisted, patting Rossi's arms for a second before dropping her hand back to her lap. "It's just awkward coming up with a creative way to explain why a seemingly perfect relationship fizzled."

"Nothing is ever as simple as it appears, JJ," Hotch offered softly, his own relationship woes coming back to the surface for that moment.

"And it isn't anybody's business but yours," Dave added firmly. "Anyone that thinks otherwise, you can direct to me."

"I'll tell the rest of the team soon," JJ shrugged, glancing toward the doorway of the waiting room self-consciously, almost as if she expected her other team members to be waiting in condemnation. "I just don't think anybody's in a frame of mind to hear any more bad news right now, you know?"

"Your secret will stay a secret as long as you want it to be, JJ," Dave assured her softly.

"Thanks," JJ said with a tight smile, her eyes moving from one man's face to the other. "Both of you."

And as both men nodded gravely, JJ had to send a little prayer heavenward in silent thank you for the miracle that was her team. Hopefully, the Almighty wouldn't break it into pieces now.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: My co-author and I would like to announce that our core stories (Sunday and Monday weekly publications) will be on hiatus for the weekend after Thanksgiving (an American Holiday on November 25, 2010). Due to familial obligations, we do believe there will be a week break on those ongoing stories. We will continue to publish one-shots and shorter stories through the holiday week.**

**Also, we're drawing near the close of our first annual Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Awards. WE CURRENTLY HAVE ****NINE**** DAYS LEFT TO VOTE FOR OUR FAVORITE AUTHORS AND STORIES. Please remember to try and spare a few moments over the upcoming days and ****VOTE**** for your favorite authors and stories in the "Profiler's Choice Awards" at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. You have through the end of November 30, 2010 to let your voice and vote be heard, and we want to hear from each one of you. If you don't know much about forums, links can be found through either my profile (ilovetvalot) or my awesome co-author (tonnie2001969). Remember, anyone that wants to help advertise the awards has our unending gratitude and there is also a short blurb you can use on our profile pages.**

**We also want to take a moment and remind all those participants that have signed up for the Criminal Minds Christmas Fic Gift Exchange that we have just over a month to complete our gifts and publish them for our recipients. If anyone has any questions please contact us via private message.**

**And finally, we'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their continued support of our stories. We truly appreciate each review, favorite, alert and private message. It means a lot to us. Please let us continue to hear from each of you!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Sixteen**

Opening her eyes, Emily blinked as the lights above blinded her, distorting her already blurry vision. The first thing her drug hazed mind registered was the pain.

Burning. Searing. Threatening to rip her apart in its fury.

"Ahhh," she moaned, squeezing her eyes tight as she tried to shift against the mattress she laid on as she heard the whir and hum of machines around her. What the hell were those sounds? Blinking quickly as her eyes began to focus, she breathed shallowly against the pain as she tried to turn in the bed. "Ouch," she groaned hoarsely, immediately regretting her decision to move. Why the hell did she feel like she was bound to the bed? Squinting at the tubes that seemed to have sprouted from every area of her body, she grimaced, her fingers trying to move to remove things that she knew didn't belong.

"Hey, don't do that," she heard a familiar voice sooth from nearby when she tried to yank the needle from the top of her hand and free herself. Stilling suddenly, she felt warm fingers smoothing the hair back from her forehead, the touch recognizable even in her current condition. She could never forget what Aaron Hotchner's touch felt like.

Relaxing slightly as the hard angles of Aaron Hotchner's face filled her field of vision, Emily frowned. "Where am I, Hotch?" she asked raggedly, her throat burning as she tried to form words in her mouth. Her tongue felt thick between her lips and she tried not to panic at the difficulty forming coherent words took. Hopefully, it was temporary.

God, please let it be temporary, she silently pleaded.

"You're in the hospital, remember?" he replied calmly, wrapping a warm reassuring hand around hers, his thumb stroking her skin. "You had surgery, sweetheart," he reminded her tenderly.

Staring up at him, Emily's mind slowly began to process facts again. The hospital. Surgery. The team...CANCER. "Oh God," Emily gasped as events finally caught up with her, her drug-hazed mind comprehending the worst. "Did they get it?" she rasped, clutching Hotch's hand weakly.

"Shhh," Hotch soothed, bending slightly over the bed, "Calm down, Em," he murmured, listening as her heart monitor's steady beeping increased, an indicator of her growing agitation. "The doctor said he removed the mass. Right now, you have to concentrate on regaining your strength. We can focus on everything else later, okay?" He remained silent regarding his earlier discussion with her doctor...the fact that while they'd removed the tumor, the cancer appeared to be worse than originally anticipated. That new knowledge could wait.

"But..."

"But nothing," he shook his head decisively, nodding at the nurse standing at the desk beyond them, his eyes hardening for a moment as he silently conveyed his choice. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Is it?" she asked faintly as he turned back to face her, her terrified eyes searching for answers hiding in his soft eyes.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Hotch asked, smiling as he smoothly evaded her question, his primary concern at the moment her comfort.

"No," Emily said, shaking her head slightly as a nurse joined them at her bed, smiling at her as she adjusted her IV, adding another bag and injecting something into the line.

"How do you feel, Ms. Prentiss?" the nurse asked the dark haired woman in the bed professionally. "You've had quite an ordeal today."

Frowning as she tried to think of an adequate description that would convey how she currently felt, Emily grimaced. "Ouch," she said huskily, settling for a blunt and simple term. One that took minimal effort.

"This should help relieve some of your pain," the nurse explained, injecting another syringe into Emily's IV line. "We'll move you to a private room soon, okay?"

"'kay," Emily nodded groggily, comforted by the feel of Hotch's hand stroking her hair. "Can he stay?" she managed to ask as she felt a warmth flooding her body, the wonderful drugs the nurse had given her flooding her system.

"I'm not going anywhere, Emily," Hotch assured her gently, shooting the nurse a hard look as the scrub-clad woman opened her mouth.

"He can stay with you, Ms. Prentiss. As long as you stay calm, okay?"

Nodding at the kind words, Emily watched the nurse depart back to her desk before turning to find Hotch's presence beside her again. "Tell me the truth, Aaron," she whispered, tugging the hand holding hers, her mind fighting the sudden haze that wanted to overtake her thoughts. "How bad?"

"You're going to be fine, sweetheart," Hotch replied steadily, easing the guardrail to her bed down and pulling his stool closer to her. Easing down, he continued to stroke her hair. "Why don't you close your eyes? Maybe when you open them, we'll have you in your own room."

"Don't feel fine," Emily slurred, pressing her face to his hand, needing his warmth as much as his presence. "Feel like I've been gutted."

Wincing inwardly at her apt description, he'd have given anything to trade places with her in that moment. Her beautiful pace racked with pain and suffering, her slim muscles tensed, she was the picture of misery. Somewhere deep down, he knew this image would haunt his nightmares. "I'm so sorry, Emily," he whispered with anguished, never having meant those words more in his life as he watched her endure the agony her body was experiencing.

"No' your fault," Emily murmured sluggishly, her tongue suddenly too thick for her mouth. "Jus' don't leave me," she begged, opening her eyes once more to find his. She wondered when this dependence on his strength had commenced but quickly realized she didn't have the energy to analyze her need. It simply was. And, for now she could accept it.

"You couldn't get rid of me," Hotch replied gently as he watched her inky black lashes flutter against her too-pale cheek. "I'm here, Emily," he vowed huskily, keeping her hand in his as she slipped into unconsciousness. "For as long as you need me," he promised.

Releasing a shaky breath as he watched the monitors attached to Emily's body steadily beep, he let the sound comfort him. She was going to survive. It was the only certainty in his world at the moment. No matter what he had to do...how hard he had to bully her or how viciously he had to fight for her...even against the woman herself...she was going to make it.

Losing her now, he thought, staring longingly at her slack face...that just wasn't an option he could consider. Linking his fingers with hers, he held on tight as she slumbered.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Just a reminder, December 25th is right around the corner. Everyone that signed up for the CM Christmas Fic Exchange, please remember your stories. We want this to be a WONDERFUL gift experience for all involved. If you have any questions, feel free to pm either myself (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969.**_

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

_**As always, thank you to every reader, reviewer, favoriter, and alerter that enjoys our stories. Hearing from each of you means a great deal and we love hearing what you think of our work, especially when you give storyline advice/input. Now, on with our story!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Walking tiredly down the long hospital corridor, Aaron Hotchner gave in to the yawn trying to escape his lips. He'd never imagined how long forty-eight hours could feel when one was standing beside the hospital bed and not actually in it. Time seemed to slip along at a crawl, the second hand dragging, minutes and hours imprinted on his brain.

Scrubbing a tired hand down his whiskered face, he frowned. Damn, he hoped Dave had remembered to grab his bag from the office like he'd asked. He needed a shower and a shave in the worst way.

When Emily did open her eyes again, he'd hate to frighten her with a less than sterling appearance. Of course, knowing Em, she'd probably get a kick out of seeing his normally immaculate, unwrinkled self looking so disheveled. After all, hadn't she asked him on their last case if he ironed his boxers before he put them on?

Smiling at the memory, he stopped at the coffee vending machine in the hallway. Inserting his money, he recalled how her eyes had shined as she'd mocked him and his need to always present himself as the picture of professionalism. How long would it be before she teased him that way again? Before she was back in the field with them?

And then…he couldn't help but wonder if she'd return at all.

Don't go there, Aaron, he warned himself sharply. She'll be back. Stronger than ever. We're not going to allow it to happen another way.

Waiting as the coffee dispensed, he sighed heavily, barely resisting the urge to lean his forehead against the metal machine. Now, if only he could convince her doctors of his belief in her recovery. Their prognosis a day ago had been grim, at best. While they felt sure that they'd removed the mass and all its offshoots from her intestines, her blood work indicated the cancer had been more aggressive than they'd originally anticipated. Chemotherapy was out of the question until she regained her strength. More than one oncologist had assured him that in this particular case, the cure could very well kill her in her current condition.

The bottom line was they needed her to improve. Quickly.

And, unfortunately, her body just wasn't healing as rapidly as they'd hoped. In fact, the latest X-rays had indicated pneumonia. And while that was a common enough complication after surgery, in Emily's case, the delay it caused couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time.

Currently, powerful antibiotics were being pumped into Emily's bloodstream at a frenetic pace, since the need to put her on the road to recovery was an urgency. And each and every member of their team felt the necessity keenly to the depths of their soul. He knew, even now at this god awful early hour of the morning, most of them were lingering in the small surgical waiting room at the end of the corridor, each hoping for some small kernel of good news.

Rolling his neck on his shoulders, he knew that Dave had taken JJ home, her role as a single parent hampering her ability to virtually live at the hospital as the rest of the team seemed to be doing. Thankfully, the talented media liaison was an expert at budgeting time, both hers and others. She'd worked a schedule that allowed each of them a few hours away from the hospital...albeit to be on babysitting duty, both for Henry and his son. Hell, even Dave was good naturedly taking his turn with the kids. And, ironically, he suspected that his one-time mentor enjoyed it more than all the others combined.

Luckily, Jack had adjusted to this sudden change in schedule well. Aaron equated it partially to the fact that, in the last two days, Jack had spent time with every member of his doting extended family, a rarity in the normal course of events. And according to his five year old, spending time with Henry was the "coolest". The only problem he'd had was explaining to his determined young son that seeing his Aunt Emily wasn't a possibility right now. Tears and tantrums had ensued...but after a solemn oath was given that Aaron would see if he could pull a few strings to smuggle him in for a short visit as soon as Em was feeling better, a tentative peace in the valley had reigned again.

If only he could broker that kind of deal with the Almighty for Emily's health.

Removing the paper cup from the machine, he carefully lifted the drink to his lips and took a careful sip from the steaming sip as he hoped the caffeine jolt would boost him with some much needed energy.

He was going to need it. Multiple doctors that had appeared to relish inspiring fear had informed him numerous times that Emily was in for a long, uphill battle…and that their collective journey was only just beginning. He'd been informed of every possible complication, every threat and risk associated with the surgery and subsequent chemo. The sheer amount of information he'd digested in the last twenty-four hours alone was mind boggling.

Instinctively, he'd recoiled from the data, the act of just watching her lie so still in her hospital bed as much as he could fathom at that moment. But intellectually, he'd understood the physicians' need to prepare him for what was to come. And making him aware of the risks...that was standard in this age of the malpractice suit. Knowing that hadn't made it any easier to listen to the terrifying facts and statistics, however.

He could almost hear Garcia in his mind yelling, "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead, captain!" And that was exactly the mindset that each one of them was going to need to adopt if they were going to see Emily through this fight. According to the nurses that drifted in and out of her hospital room, encouragement and positivity were the watch words of the day.

And for a pessimist such as himself, that was a bitter pill to swallow.

But he was nothing if not adaptable. And swallow it he would. Especially if it meant keeping the special woman in Room 717 from slipping further away.

Aaron Hotchner was quickly learning there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to assure Emily Prentiss that there was indeed a glowing light at the end of this dark tunnel.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hold on folks, this is a long note today! First, Tonnie and I would like to announce that signups for Chit Chat on Author's Corner's January Challenge-The Happy New Year's Challenge are open thru December 30, 2010. Simply swing by the forum (you can link to it thru our profile pages) and sign up with the pairing you'd like to see written and three prompts associated with the holiday. On Jan 1, 2011, you'll be assigned a random pairing (not the one you usually write) and three prompts to write by January 30.**_

_**Second, I have a question for my readers. I truly enjoyed last night's CM episode, "What Happens at Home" and the introduction of the character Agent Ashley Seaver. I intend to do some stories with her character incorporated into a pairing and I'd like to know who you guys would like to see me pair her with. I know the obvious choice is Reid, but what about Hotch or Rossi. Anybody that knows my work knows I'm a sucker for older man/younger woman pairings. So, shoot me a pm or review and let me know what you think. I think the world of you guys and value your opinions!**_

_**Just a reminder, December 25th is right around the corner. Everyone that signed up for the CM Christmas Fic Exchange, please remember your stories. We want this to be a WONDERFUL gift experience for all involved. If you have any questions, feel free to pm either myself (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969.**_

_**In other forum news, please check out our newest discussion thread, "Serious vs. Light - Which gets the most response?" It is a discussion of serious vs. light stories and the response they get from readers. We also have new interviews with Clarebones and musicxlife4 up for your reading pleasure.**_

_**Also please check out the discussion thread entitled, "The Fine Line Between T and M ratings". There's a great ongoing discussion there, too.**_

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

_**As always, thank you to every reader, reviewer, and person that favorites or alerts one of our stories. Hearing from each of you means a great deal to each of us. We truly value your thoughts and opinions. Now, on with our story!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine and In Shadow**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Making his way toward the waiting room, Hotch tried to force himself to appear relaxed - or as relaxed as a guy like him could. Steeling himself for the barrage of questions about to be fired at him in rapid succession, he took a deep breath outside the door before slowly walking inside the waiting room.

"How is she?" Derek Morgan asked, dropping his feet from the scarred coffee table to the tiled floor as he pulled his iPod's ear buds from his ears.

"Is she awake yet?" Penelope inquired quickly, moving her laptop to the end table beside her as she rose from her uncomfortable plastic yellow chair, her hair disheveled from many hours of running her fingers through it.

"Can we see her?" Reid requested, throwing aside a decade old copy of National Geographic as he leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows against his corduroys.

"Why don't you guys give the guy a second to get a word in edgewise?" Dave asked laconically, his own dark eyes curious as they rested on Hotch.

"Thanks," Hotch muttered ruefully, thankful for Dave's steady nature. Of all his team, the elder profiler was the member least likely to panic. Looking at Morgan, Hotch sighed as he ran a hand over his jaw. "Her condition is guarded, Derek. The doctor's have run another bag of some pretty high powered antibiotics to fight the pneumonia. They'll do another round of x-rays in approximately twelve hours to assess her lungs again. The incision site looks good according to the nurses - infection-free at the moment. Her temperature is elevated; they say that's to be expected in her condition. We're in a hurry-up-and-wait mode."

Turning his gaze toward a nervous Garcia, Hotch shook his head. "As far as being awake, not really, Penelope. They're keeping her fairly sedated in order to control her pain. The doctor said that sleep is one of the most important factors for patients in her condition. Sleep assists the body in healing. Every once in a while she'll mutter something unintelligible and blink her eyes for a moment, but she never really focuses on anything. The nurse told me that a lot of that can be attributed to the medications they're administering through her IV line."

Watching as Penelope sank heavily back into her chair, her shoulders sagging with weariness, he tried to insert a note of optimism into his voice. "Look, guys, nothing is any worse than it was and that's a positive sign. Other than the pneumonia, there haven't been any other post operative complications."

"But they can't begin to treat the cancer until her body is infection free, right?" Dave asked softly, aware of the full implications of a situation this dangerous.

"Wait! Why not?" Penelope yelped, glancing between the two men, her eyes wide underneath her heavily painted lids. "The cancer is what's making her sick, right? Why not treat it aggressively?"

"They can't, Baby Girl," Morgan murmured gently, reaching for Garcia's shaking hand.

"I don't understand," Garcie shook her head, her funky earrings jingling slightly at the movement. "Make me understand," she demanded, her eyes spearing Hotch to the wall.

"In her current condition, Penelope," Hotch began, his voice husky as he struggled to say the words, "her body wouldn't be able to handle the havoc that chemotherapy could wreak on her body. She's fragile right now."

"You're saying the cure would kill her, aren't you?" Pen asked faintly, her cheeks losing color as the meaning of his statement barreled into her, stealing the breath from her body.

"I'm saying that right now, chemotherapy would do Emily's body more harm than good. But, that's a temporary condition, Garcia," Hotch explained carefully, measuring his word as he felt his own chest tighten at the thoughts roiling through his mind.

"Right," Garcia whispered, grateful when she felt Morgan's hand tighten around hers, his strong presence a reassurance in a world filled with uncertainties.

"Right now, we have to concentrate on the fact that Emily hasn't experienced any further setbacks," Hotch pointed out before moving to look at Reid. "The good news is that I just spoke to Emily's personal day nurse. She said that as long as each person keeps their visit brief, you can all begin to see her later today. You'll have to gown and mask up for the time being, but they'll let each of you back for five minutes as long as her condition remains stable. I need you to be prepared though," he said meaningfully. "She looks very...small. Very pale and fragile. And as I said, she's not responsive at the moment. The ventilator has been removed, though, and that's a bonus. As long as her lungs aren't compromised further and she remains at her current oxygen levels, she'll be able to do without it."

"God," Morgan said with a low groan, scrubbing a hand over his gritty eyes. "I never thought we'd have to worry about seeing Prentiss this way."

"It could happen to any of us," Rossi replied softly, leaning back in the stiff chair. "Good health isn't a guarantee."

"No, it's not," Hotch agreed. "But I don't care what you have to do, any of you, the mood in her room is to remain positive. Understand?"

A chorus of nods and "Yes, sir," went around the room and Hotch relaxed slightly.

"Are they giving odds?" Morgan asked bluntly, wondering aloud what all of them were privately thinking.

"The odds are that she shouldn't even be here with us," Hotch retorted, his jaw tightening as he felt his shoulders stiffen. "Screw the odds."

Blinking rapidly, Garcia's jaw dropped slightly. "Who are you and what've you done with my boss?"

"What?" Hotch frowned.

"I think what she's trying to say is that the Aaron Hotchner we know doesn't "screw" anything," Dave chuckled.

Shrugging, Hotch grimaced. "I guess none of us are feeling much like ourselves right now." Clearing his throat as he looked around the room at the worn faces of his colleagues , he continued, "I know everyone wants to be here for Emily, but none of us will do her any good if we're all falling over when she regains consciousness. After you see her, I want you all to go home for a minimum of four hours. I'll be here and if there's any change, I'll call." Bracing himself for the fallout from his directive, he was relieved when there were no dissenters in the ranks. "Okay," he said after a moment, "who wants to go first?"

"I'll wait until JJ gets back," Dave said steadily, motioning toward his colleagues. "Why don't Morgan and Garcia go first when the time comes? You can go back with Reid and I'll take JJ." Meeting the Unit Chief's eyes, he knew Aaron understood what he was trying to convey.

No one needed to be alone right now.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Author's Note: First, I hope you guys enjoy this new story. It will be updated once a week. **_

_**We have a few announcements for year today. First, don't forget we have a new challenge open on the forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Sign-ups for our January challenge, "The Happy New Year's Challenge" is open through December 30, 2010. We'd love to have each one of you. **__**Simply swing by the forum (you can link to it thru our profile pages) and sign up with the pairing you'd like to see written and three prompts associated with the holiday. On Jan 1, 2011, you'll be assigned a random pairing (not the one you usually write) and three prompts to write by January 30.**_

_**And don't forget - those that signed up to complete the CM Christmas Fic Gift Exchange, you have exactly SIX days left. Please PM me if you have any problems.**_

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

_**As always, thank you to every reader, reviewer, and person that favorites or alerts one of our stories. Hearing from each of you means a great deal to each of us. We truly value your thoughts and opinions. Now, on with our story!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Nineteen**

Standing nervously outside Emily's hospital room, Morgan shifted on his feet as he waited for Baby Girl. Wiping at the fine sheen of perspiration that had developed on his brow self-consciously, he frowned. "What the hell?" he muttered to himself as he leaned against the pale yellow cement wall behind him as he brushed his forearm across his forehead. He could do this. He was a professional. And more than that, he was a friend. And friends didn't bail on friends.

He'd seen sick people before, hadn't he? He'd been around when Reid had dealt with the Anthrax scare. He'd taken his turn beside Hotch's bed after Foyet's attack. And God knew, he'd never left Garcia's side when she'd been a victim of some psycho's rage. Why the hell was he having so much trouble with the idea of walking inside Prentiss's room? He'd sure the hell seen a lot worse than an incision wound made by surgery.

At heart, he knew what the problem was, though...and it nagged at him. Reid's and Hotch's injuries had been related to the job. There'd always been an unsub to find and punish. There'd been some justice, however convoluted it might have been. And Christ, he still couldn't think about Penelope's trauma without getting the shakes. But by and large, there'd been something he could do then. He'd still had some small measure of control.

Not like this. This he could only watch. He was a bystander...a pointless bystander without any power or ability to change the present circumstances. And in his world, there wasn't anything more irritating than being useless. But there wasn't anyone to fight here. Attempting to pick a fight with JJ and Hotch had only served to make him feel like a first class asshole. And if feeling that way hadn't been enough punishment, being slammed against the wall by Rossi had definitely clued him in.

Emotions were running high in their close knit unit cum family. And his were nearing the boiling point. He'd thought finally seeing Prentiss would make him feel more in control. Instead, he was standing in the hallway, sweating like he was a teenager waiting on his first date. Shaking his head, he sighed. He had to gain control. If he didn't have control, then he was moving toward a total meltdown…which was out of his realm of consideration.

Fuck, it was Prentiss, though. Emily. A woman he would have sworn was bulletproof against something so common as cancer. And wasn't this crap supposed to happen to little old grandmas in the twilight of their lives? It wasn't supposed to contaminate young, vibrant women in the prime of life. It wasn't supposed to take her.

Emily was the strong one...on a core level. Whether it was her upbringing on her outlook on life that had made her that way, he didn't know. He only knew she was one of the most purely resilient souls he'd ever known. The idea of something as mundane as cancer taking her out...it was unthinkable.

Hearing the telltale clack of heels against the tile, Moran glanced down the hallway, smiling as Penelope approached.

"You ready, handsome?" she asked him as she drew closer, the dried tear tracks obvious on her pale face.

"Should I be asking you that question, Beautiful?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her as she stopped in front of her. Maybe she'd say she wasn't and he could avoid the room behind him entirely.

"I'm not missing my chance to see my Buttercup," Garcia replied, her words muffled against his shirt as she shot his only hope at avoidance to hell. "I just had to get it out of my system," she said, taking a deep breath as she stepped back and wiped at her cheeks. "Hotch threatened bodily harm to anyone who was less than a thousand percent positive when they walked into that room," she said, nodding at the door behind Derek's back.

"I heard him, Sweetness," Morgan answered softly, his lips tightening determinedly as he tamped down the new wave of rising panic.

Cocking her head as she stared up into his dark face, Pen lifted a hand to his cheek. "You don't have to do this if you aren't ready, Hot Stuff. I'm a big girl, believe it or not," she smiled bravely, well aware that hospital rooms, especially those of his friends, were the last places he ever wanted to be. She'd learned that lesson well when she'd been shot.

"I'm ready," he replied, more because he thought he should be ready than because he was.

"You're not," Penelope denied, slipping her hands around his waist. "But you're a good man for wanting to be."

"It's just...It's Emily, Baby Girl. It's Em in there," he said, jerking his head behind him, "fighting for her life. And not because some freak got the jump on her in the field, you know? It's something..."

"Something neither one of us can fight," Garcia agreed softly. "But, we can help her fight. We can make her want to fight, Derek. The way I see it, that's our job here. To offer her the courage to keep going in spite of the odds and the pain. And if I know you, you've got plenty of bravado to spare," she winked.

"How the hell do you know me so well, Sweetness?" Derek asked with a soft smile.

"First and foremost, I make it a point to know my best friend inside out, " Garcia whispered, lifting on her toes to press a gentle kiss against his lips...no passion, no hunger...just love. "Second," she grinned, dropping back to her flat footed height, "I'm a goddess."

"You know if this were you in here…" Derek began, his voice raw and emotional.

"It's not me in there," Pen interrupted, pressing a finger against his lips. "But if it were, you'd be sitting by that bed and I know it. No hesitation, no reluctance. Just like Hotch. And I know that, Derek."

"He's a strong man," Derek murmured, averting his expressive eyes. Sometimes, Penelope Garcia could just see too fucking much.

Gently redirecting his chin and gaze back to hers, Penelope stated firmly, "So are you."

"You know I love you, Baby Girl," Derek said quietly, no bravado in his shaking voice now.

"Right back at ya," Pen whispered, swallowing hard as she fought against the lump in her throat. "You ready?" she asked, lacing her fingers with his.

Nodding once, Derek squeezed the hand holding his. "I'm ready."

And for once, he really was.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Author's Note: Okay, readers, I think (and that's a big word for me these days) that I'm back. I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone with my lack of updates. Real life (deployments, children, my health, etc.) have taken a huge toll on me these days. But I'm going to make every effort to become more dependable.**_

_**Please don't forget about our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Currently, we're taking signups for our great Valentine's Gift Fic Exchange and we'd love to have everyone sign up. The more the merrier. Details are at the forum and you can PM us with any questions!**_

_**Again, thanks for bearing with me, my fanfic friends!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty**

"I'm really not sure this is such a good idea," Reid muttered uncertainly as he trailed a step behind Aaron Hotchner. What was he about to do? He wasn't strong enough to do this…of that, he was absolutely certain.

"Reid, Emily should know that you're here," Hotch replied softly, his tone firm but kind. "But," he said, pausing and turning to face Spencer in the deserted hallway, "she wouldn't want you to feel pressured. It's up to you."

Shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his corduroy trousers, Reid hesitated, his brow furrowing as he tilted his head. "What if I say something inappropriate? Or I start to babble? You know I babble when I'm nervous."

"I have no problem telling you to zip it at work, do I? I assure you, I won't have any problem doing so here either," Hotch replied with a faint smile, the moment of levity lightening the heaviness that seemed to be permanently settled on his broad shoulders.

Swallowing, Reid shifted his gaze to the door behind Hotch's shoulder. "She still looks like Emily, doesn't she? I mean, I know on an intellectual level, her body will look the same, with the exception of the surgical site, of course, but..."

"Reid," Hotch interrupted calmly, his dark eyes meeting the younger agent's, "she's still Emily. She's medicated and sleeping, but she's still the same Emily we all know."

Reid hesitated for a moment as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. Hazarding a glance up at his unit chief, he whispered, "I remember visiting my Mom in the sanitarium the first time. I felt like I was talking to a stranger. She had the same features, don't get me wrong. But something was gone…something was missing."

Nodding supportively, knowing that the younger man had experienced difficulties he'd never be able to fathom, Hotch replied calmly, "Your mother's mind was creating a reality for her that no longer matched up to the real world. Emily's difficulties are not the same. But she needs to know the same thing that your mother does…that you're there and that she can depend on you."

Reid cocked his head to the side as he considered the sage advice. Scuffing his loafer against the linoleum floor, he finally straightened his shoulders as he said, voice stronger, "I can do that. I want Emily to get better. And if I can help her do that…"

As the younger man's voice trailed off, Hotch merely met Reid's gaze as he pushed open the heavy hospital room door. The clicking sound of a machine filled the air as they both moved toward the still woman in the middle of the elevated bed.

Aaron noted Spencer's stiffened shoulders as he stepped toward Emily's bed and knew the younger man was fighting to keep his composure. "Remember, Reid, the nurses say that more than likely she can hear us on some level of consciousness," Hotch whispered, knowing the other man needed some form of encouragement. Hell, he himself needed encouragement…needed to know that the woman lying the bed would always know that he was there.

Reid nodded as he stared into his friend's pale slack face. "She's so still," he murmured, reaching out a hand to touch her hand, his fingers hesitating.

"You can touch her. Hold her hand," Hotch said, placing a reassuring hand on Reid's shoulder. "You won't hurt her. I checked."

"But..."

"Weren't you the one that told me about those studies they did on human touch...how some theorize that human contact provides a healing power to the body?" Hotch reminded him, knowing that distracting the genius's overactive brain would be the best course of action.

"Unproven," Reid murmured absently, but lightly brushing Emily's fingers with his, nevertheless.

"Still," Hotch half smiled, squeezing Reid's shoulder before releasing him and easing into the chair beside her bed. "Give it a chance. We might be surprised."

"I suppose so," Reid murmured, unconvinced, his eyes running over Emily's body from the top of her head to her sheet covered feet. "She looks peaceful. She doesn't appear to be in any pain."

"All the doctors and nurses have assured me that she isn't. I've asked," Hotch assured him, nodding. "Repeatedly."

Something in Hotch's voice caused Spencer to still. Looking over his shoulder, he asked quietly, "You care about her a lot, don't you?"

"I care about each member of my team, Reid. You know that," Hotch replied impassively, silently cursing himself. Hell, if the socially awkward Spencer Reid could see past his stoic demeanor to the feelings hovering just below his surface, it was almost a guarantee that the others had as well. He'd always suspected that Dave was aware of his feelings, but then Dave was his best friend. But he'd hoped that the others had been blessedly unaware.

So much for hoping.

As if Reid could read his mind, the sandy haired genius shook his head. "I don't think the others know, and I won't tell them. I swear."

"There's nothing to know," Hotch insisted automatically, lowering his voice. "A member of my team needs me right now, so I'm here. I'd be here if it were you, too."

"I don't doubt that, Hotch," Reid replied. "But I seriously doubt you'd look like that."

"Like what?" Hotch asked, almost unwillingly.

"Like your whole world is hanging in the balance. I probably wouldn't have figured it out, you know, but I've seen you look like that before."

Swallowing, Hotch stared at Reid.

"With Haley and Jack," Reid stated unnecessarily.

"I hope this has a better ending," Hotch whispered, moving his gaze back to Emily and lingering on her still face.

"Me, too," Reid agreed softly.

"Sometimes you see too much for your own good, Reid," Hotch sighed, rubbing his jaw as he stretched his legs in front of him.

"One of the pitfalls of being a genius," Reid shrugged, not boastfully...more in the vein of grim acceptance. Glancing back at Hotch, he said, "I feel really ineffectual here. There's nothing I can do..."

"Yes, there is, Reid, and you're already doing it. You're here for her."

Lips twitching from side to side self-consciously, Reid dropped his eyes back to Emily. "She'd be there for me if I was the one that was sick."

"She'd be there for all of us."

Both men sat in united silence for several minutes before Reid slowly rose. "Dave should be back with JJ by now. I'll go check."

"I'll be out in a second," Hotch nodded, waiting until the door closed behind the younger man to move closer to Emily's side.

"How is it that the socially inept one could see in fifteen seconds what I couldn't see until it was almost too late, huh?" Hotch asked the unconscious woman, tenderly brushing a lock of hair away from her pale face.

Closing his eyes as the monitors beeped in response, Hotch sighed.

Sometimes life really wasn't fair.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Author's Note: **__**Calling all readers! Join us for our Awesome January Awards...to recognize and honor the best fics written for any of the challenges on "**__**Chit Chat**__** on Author's Corner" forum! All you have to do is send the title of your favorite fic (and author who wrote it) that was written for a challenge to either ilovetvalot or tonnie2001969's private message inbox. Stories by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 are not eligible for competition. Only one vote per person! For more details and full rules, visit Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. You don't need to be an author to vote, simply visit the forum and review our challenge threads (stories are already and the threads will be pinned to the top of the page). So, everyone, come on over and lets have some fun. Voting commences now and ends January 31, 2011. Awards will be given for first, second and third place. REMEMBER ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT!**_

_**Please don't forget about our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Currently, we're taking signups for our great Valentine's Gift Fic Exchange and we'd love to have everyone sign up. The more the merrier. Details are at the forum and you can PM us with any questions! WE ONLY HAVE THREE MORE DAYS LEFT!**_

_**Again, thanks for bearing with me, my fanfic friends!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

JJ pressed her fingers to her lips as her eyes landed on her best friend. Eyes filling with tears, she inhaled deeply though her nose and fought to keep her composure. Now was not the time to lose it, Jareau. But no matter how hard she tried to tell herself those stern words of wisdom, she couldn't stop the rampant thoughts threatening to overtake her mind.

No, her mind screamed. Not Emily. You can't have her, too. I need her. I need her pragmatic sense of humor and her dry wit. I need her practicality.

I need her, period.

How selfish was she?

Her best friend was laying in the hospital bed in front of her, fighting for life, and she was worried about how losing her…losing that one special person…would affect _her_ life. God, maybe she really was as self-centered as Will had accused her of being.

She'd promised she wouldn't cry, for God's sake, remembering her earlier oath to Hotch, made just minutes ago. Of course, Will would say she was good at breaking her Vvws. Damn it, she didn't want to prove that bastard right. Especially now.

Holding Emily's cool hand in one of her hands, she swiped violently at a stray tear that had managed to escape, rolling furtively down her cheek.

Feeling a warm hand settle over the nape of her neck, JJ jumped slightly, remembering belatedly that she hadn't entered the room alone.

"You okay, Jen?" David Rossi asked gently, his tone concerned as he stared down into her drenched eyes.

"I'm fine," JJ said quickly, cursing the huskiness of her emotion clogged throat. "Just fine."

She was lying. He knew it and so did she, but thankfully, Dave was too much of a gentleman and a friend to point out the obvious.

"Okay," he said softly, his fingers squeezing the tense muscles of her neck briefly before dropping his hand away.

She immediately regretted the loss of his warm fingers against her skin, his touch oddly reassuring considering the grim circumstance they faced now and she felt the loss of connection keenly. Blinking against the resurgence of moisture pooling in her eyes, JJ stiffened her chin. Emily needed her now. Emily needed her strength.

She would not give into the weakness. She just wouldn't.

"Jen," Dave said, crouching beside her chair and resting a hand on her forearm, "despite what Hotch said, it's okay to feel what you want to feel," he whispered gently, his brow furrowing. "It's a natural reaction."

Opening her mouth, JJ felt her throat tighten. "I just didn't expect it to be this hard," she admitted softly, her thumb stroking the vein running through the top of Emily's hand repetitively.

Moving his gaze from JJ's face to Emily's, Dave sighed. "I think the strangest thing may be seeing Prentiss this still. I keep expecting her to open her eyes and nail us with some sarcastically witty remark," he said as he smiled faintly.

Tilting her head, JJ grinned reluctantly. "Something like, 'Gee guys, take a picture.'"

Chuckling quietly, Dave nodded as he winked at JJ. "Something like."

Lapsing into silence for several minutes, JJ's eyes fell on all the tubes and cords emanating from her friend. "She'd hate being hooked up to all this crap. She's going to fight like hell to get it all off her once she wakes up," JJ noted, her voice a thin thread of sound in a room where only beeps and blips and the sound of their breathing was heard.

"She'd hate not being hooked up to it more," Dave remarked sagely. Nodding at the bags hanging from the IV pole, he commented, "Those are the real good drugs she's getting now."

"You have a point there," JJ agreed before dropping her eyes to the thin watch on her wrist. "I guess we'd better allow Hotch to come back soon."

"Preferably before he wears a hole in the waiting room carpet," Dave added glibly.

"Don't tease him," JJ admonished, never taking her eyes of her friend as she rose from her chair to stand beside the bed. "He really cares for her, doesn't he?" JJ asked with a glance toward the man that probably knew their boss better than anyone on the team.

Rising to stand beside her, Dave touched Emily's hair lightly. "He's in love with her, JJ. Don't tell me you haven't figured that out," he chided.

"I have," JJ said as she nodded, smiling gently at the thought. "But sometimes I wonder if he's figured it out," she wondered aloud.

"Sometimes circumstance can give a man just the kick in the ass he needs in order to realize the obvious," Dave murmured, staring at JJ's elegant profile as she watched Emily's face.

"Let's hope that he chooses not to remain completely oblivious then," JJ said with a sad smile.

"Oh, I'm hoping, Jen," Dave replied, his eyes soft as they continued watching her. He let her linger for a moment longer before placing a hand on her back. "Hotch, JJ," he reminded her gently.

"I know," JJ said, reluctantly releasing Emily's hand and placing it carefully back on the bed. "I just hate leaving her...even if I know she'll be in good hands," she added ruefully.

"We'll come back again in a few hours, Jen. I promise," Dave assured her, tightening his hand on her hip as he guided her toward the door.

"You gonna fight Hotch for the entry rights to the room?" JJ asked with a smirk.

"Well," Dave drawled good-naturedly, smiling as he opened the door with one hand and ushered her out, "If I was going to argue with him for anyone, it'd be you."

"Always the chivalrous one, huh?" JJ joked, though her voice wasn't quite as strong as it once had been. She swallowed as she thought about that, wondering how she was ever going to be the pillar of strength she once had been.

"When I need to be," Dave replied evenly. "Jen," he said as they retraced their steps toward the waiting room, "I'm sorry about Will."

"It..." JJ faltered suddenly, her mind jumping, unprepared for his apology, "It wasn't meant to be," she commented, settling on the trite explanation.

Never a stupid man, Dave nodded, willing to let her have this moment to recover. "I've been there," he murmured. "If you ever need to talk, Jen...no judgments, okay?'

Smiling gratefully as they paused just outside the family waiting area, JJ nodded. "I may take you up on that at some point."

"Anytime," Dave replied. And he meant it.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for our stories to be posted. We appreciate your support and apologize for any delays. Real life, however, has taken precedence! We always want to be able to provide you with quality stories and chapters, so our postings may be a bit sporadic over the next month.**_

_**Please check out our most recent challenge on our forum – March Madness! The guidelines are simple: You suggest a pairing and choose a TV title from the list provided (shows are from the 70s, 80s, and 90s). We'll assign out the pairings & suggestions by March 4, and you have until March 31 to create just the perfect story based on the prompts you receive. Your final story does NOT have to be about the TV show prompt, but you do have to use the TV show title in the story somehow. Check out our forum, Chit Chat on Author's Corner, for details and to sign up…you can find a link on our profile pages.**_

_**As always, we do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters that we so enjoy writing. If we did own them, we would have never had JJ leave!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"Mmmmnnnnhhhh," Emily Prentiss groaned. Well, it was half groan, half sigh, but it was definitely filled with pain. Blinking groggily, she swallowed painfully, her throat raw and dry. Turning her head slightly to the left, her barely focused eyes found Aaron Hotchner's solid bulk slouched in an uncomfortable looking chair beside her bed, his hand resting heavily on her thigh.

Even with her wavering vision, it was impossible to missing the dark circles underneath his eyes. As she tried to focus on the lines of strain bracketing his wide mouth, she grimaced. How the hell long had she been out? He certainly hadn't looked that haggard before they'd taken her to surgery. Had he?

She hated to disturb him. It appeared as though this might be the first quasi-rest he'd experienced in a while, but she needed answers. Answers she had a feeling he could provide. Stretching her hand out painfully, her fingertips grazed the top of his palm. "H-hotch?" she whispered roughly, her voice little more than a croak.

Jerking in his chair as he felt frail fingers brush his skin, Aaron Hotchner's eyes flashed open, focusing on Emily's pale face immediately. Leaning forward quickly, Hotch gripped her thin hand in his. "Hey there," he whispered gratefully, his heart leaping in his chest.

"Hey," Emily rasped, blinking as she tried to process the emotions she saw flittering across his face. "How long have I been out?"

"On and off for three days," Hotch replied calmly, squeezing her hand reassuringly, immediately scooting even closer to the bed. "You had a couple of surgical complications we weren't expecting, but the doctors and nurses are optimistic."

"What kind of complications?" Emily asked, narrowing her eyes as she tried to concentrate on what he was saying. She might be a little bleary regarding the facts surrounding her condition, but she'd seen that look in his eyes before. That dark concern that he tried to bank and hide. She'd seen it with Haley. "They didn't get it, did they?" she asked, her voice low and raw.

"They removed the tumor," Hotch denied quickly, smiling for a brief second, "and it was what they'd theorized."

"But I'm not cancer-free, am I?" Emily asked weakly, her stomach sinking as she watched his face become shuddered.

"Not yet," Hotch admitted as he shook his head, hating to cause her another moment of pain, but well aware of the necessity for truth at that moment.

"What are my chances, Aaron?" Emily questioned bluntly, closing her eyes for a bare second as she tried to clear her mind. "Truth. I need the truth."

"You're going to fight this, Emily," Hotch stated, avoiding the question. "We're all going to fight with you."

"That's not an answer," Emily whispered, biting her dry lip. Hell, she'd known the odds weren't in her favor going into this nightmare. Perhaps she should have allowed nature to take its course. Maybe then she wouldn't be in so much pain. Drawing in a deep breath, she winced as her chest tightened against the invasion. "I want to hear my chances. Either you can tell me or I can call the oncologist in here, but I'd much rather hear it from my friend."

"Emily, odds are just numbers that doctors create to cover their asses. They don't mean anything," Hotch stressed, squeezing her fingers again. "How about you focus your limited energy on healing?"

"How about you just cut the crap and give it to me straight. You suck at avoidance, Aaron. Give it to me straight. It's my life and I deserve to know what the hell I'm up against. I should know how many hurdles I'm going to be jumping. I think I've earned that right, haven't you? Last I checked, this was still my life...or what I have left of it," she whispered with a wince as she tried to move in the bed.

"Careful," Aaron chided with a hard frown as he watched her all-too-pale face tighten again. "I can incline the bed for you," he said, pressing a button to raise the head of the bed slightly. "Would you like some water? The nurse said you could have some small sips as long as you agreed to take it slow," he offered in an effort to distract her again.

"I think slow is all I'm going to be managing for awhile," Emily muttered hoarsely. "But, yes, I'd appreciate some water."

Holding the pink pitcher up, Hotch pressed the straw to her parted lips. "Remember, go slowly. You don't want to get sick and pull your incision," he warned.

Feeling the cool water sliding down her parched throat, Emily's eyes fluttered shut. Since when had sucking through a straw required so much energy? Cracking one lid, she wondered for a moment if they'd thickened the substance with concrete.

Pulling the straw from her lips, Hotch dabbed her lips with a cool rag, dampening her cracked lips. "That's enough for now. Let's see if you can keep this down."

While she understood his caution, her protesting throat cried out for more of the cool liquid. "Hotch..."

Hotch shook his head. "Emily, trust me, you don't want to complicate things by becoming ill."

"Evidently, I'm already still ill," she muttered, leaning back against the welcome pillow. "What I want to know is how ill and what kind of complications I've already encountered."

"Why don't we wait until you're feeling a little stronger before..."

"Quit stalling," Emily bit out, her voice clearer now. While she was still in pain, her mind was perfectly agile. There wasn't anything he could say that she wouldn't be able to comprehend. It was time to learn the truth, no matter how harsh or terrifying it might be. "Or call in that oncologist you referred to so that I can get an accurate picture of what's happening."

"Okay," Hotch agreed as he nodded slowly. "But you need to promise me that you'll hear everything I have to say. Not just the words that you want."

"Fine," Emily sighed, glancing up at his dark face. "It's pretty bad isn't it? You wouldn't look like this if it wasn't."

"It could have been better," Hotch countered, dropping back into the chair beside the bed and reaching for her hand.

"Hotch, you're holding my hand," Emily snorted. "You...a man that dislikes physical contact of any sort are sitting here holding my hand like a lifeline. I've got a feeling that whatever is coming isn't going to make me happy."

"Let's start with the complications, Emily," Hotch began, squeezing her hand. "While the surgeons were able to remove the tumor, you did experience some post operative complications. Among them, an infection located at your incision site and pneumonia."

And as Emily listen to his deep voice continue, she knew with a sinking heart that the battle was only just beginning.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for our stories to be posted. We appreciate your support and apologize for any delays. Real life, however, has taken precedence! We always want to be able to provide you with quality stories and chapters, so our postings may be a bit sporadic over the next month.**_

_**Please...check out our new forum topic: A Fanfic Glossary! We want to know if you guys find it helpful and our topic thread "Our Stance on the 2010 Criminal Minds Fanfic Awards". We have also opened a Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior thread where you may discuss the show (respectfully, of course). We also have a forum announcing our fellow author's (Kathi1C) new IheartCriminalMinds blog. You can ask her questions and get directions on going to her site.**_

_**As always, we do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters that we so enjoy writing. If we did own them, we would have never had JJ leave!**_

_**Let me know what you guys think!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"Sounds like I might have quite the road ahead of me then," Emily said, her voice steady as she took in the complications she'd already experienced. Oh, they'd warned her about them - and a whole host of others, but hearing that your body was actually battling them was more than a little disheartening.

Not exactly the life-long dream of someone with supposed years left to live, now was it?

"The good news is that you're conscious. You're breathing on your own. All really positive signs," Hotch pointed out, repeating what a plethora of medical professionals had already told him. Somehow, saying those phrases out loud seemed to reinforce the positivity.

"Yeah," Emily tried to smile, unconvinced of his so-called encouragement. Silent a moment, she found his eyes again. "It's spread, hasn't it?" she asked quietly, resolutely preparing herself for the coming answer.

Nodding slowly, Hotch gripped Emily's fragile hand. "It was more progressed than they had anticipated."

Closing her eyes briefly, she reminded herself to breathe. She'd known going into this that the odds weren't in her favor. This wasn't shocking news, was it? After all, hadn't she prepared herself for the worst? Isn't that what pragmatic women had been doing for ages?

"They got the tumor out, Emily," Hotch informed her, noting the pinched set of her mouth, well aware of the signs of a coming implosion.

"That's good," she said, without opening her eyes, choosing the safety of her hidden thoughts.

"It is good," Hotch stressed, not liking the defeated tone in Emily's voice. "It's a place to start. Now, we just have to get you strong enough to begin chemotherapy."

"Chemo," Emily echoed, that one word seeming to break through her darkening path. Opening her eyes, she stared at the man by her bedside. "What's the point, Hotch? It's spread. They already told me my chances if that had happened. I'd be putting myself through hell for what?"

"You'd be fighting for your chance at life," Hotch returned strongly, refusing to cede the ground he had already gained. "Not fighting this isn't an option, Em."

"They aren't your options to consider," Emily replied, tightening her fingers around the sheet covering her. "They're mine."

"Don't do this," Hotch muttered, shaking his head as he held onto her hand tighter. "I haven't sat by this bed for God knows how long watching you to hear you tell me that you're quitting. Your team has been at this hospital round the clock just waiting to help you win this battle. Don't you even think about rolling over now, Prentiss."

"Do you even know how bad this will be?" Emily whispered, her eyes filling with tears in spite of her stern command to herself otherwise. "How rigorous...how aggressive this treatment...that by the way, they can't even start, is? It's grueling. And it has a less than twenty-five percent success rate. I could spend what time I have left being relatively comfortable. You want me to spend it so sick that I can barely hold up my head...that I can barely survive the pain. Do you even realize what you're asking me for?"

"I'm asking you to live," Hotch retorted, leaning over the iron bed rail to stare into her pain darkened eyes. "As hard as it's going to be, I'm asking you to try."

"You aren't asking," Emily contradicted him, meeting his gaze, "I know that tone. You're making it an order."

"However you want to perceive it," Hotch responded as he shrugged, "as long as you keep going."

"And if I can't?" Emily asked faintly.

"Not an option. You can," Hotch said fiercely, his eyes flashing. "I've seen you in action, Emily. There's not a damn thing you can't achieve once you make up your mind to do it. How the hell do you think you got on my team?"

Smiling at that memory in spite of herself, Emily sighed. "That was different."

"That's a lie. You made up your mind what you wanted and you went for it full throttle. You didn't let Strauss, or me, or anybody else get in the way of what you wanted. You just did it. All I'm asking is that you redirect that determination into kicking cancer's ass."

"I really wanted my job," Emily murmured, turning her head against the pillow as she tried to relieve a pulling sensation in her shoulders.

"And you don't really want to live?" Hotch snorted, rolling his eyes at her comment.

Looking up at him, Emily narrowed her eyes. "You kissed me," she stated out of the blue, the need to throw him off his game tantamount. She couldn't continue the current conversation they were immersed in...at least not yet. Maybe she could distract him.

"Remember that, do you?" Hotch said quietly.

"Yeah. What exactly did that mean?"

"You kissed me back," he accused softly, well aware of the evasive tact he was choosing. "What did that mean?" he countered.

"Since I'm the one in the hospital bed, don't you think you should be giving me the answers?" Emily frowned, wincing again as she shifted in the bed.

"Start fighting for your life and I'll consider talking about it," Hotch offered, squeezing her hand.

"You know, I always thought that you reserved your ability to channel Hitler for fieldwork," Emily complained with an audible sigh.

"Think again," Hotch smiled. "Besides, you don't seem to be in a rush to answer my question either."

"I'm sick," Emily pouted, holding back a smile that was threatening to escape, her attitude slowly improving with each passing second.

"And I'm sleepy," Hotch retorted as he yawned loudly for emphasis. "That recliner wasn't exactly made for bodies longer than six feet. But you were worth it. And one of us is going to be with you every step of the way. All you have to do is cooperate."

"And beat cancer," Emily added as she rolled her eyes. Aaron Hotchner always had been a slave driver. Why would she expect him to act any different now?

"That, too." Hotch nodded, relieved that she appeared to relaxing, albeit slowly.

"When would they want to start chemotherapy?" Emily inquired grudgingly, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Actually, your oncologist said with the improved numbers he's seeing, you could probably start day after tomorrow," Hotch explained, leaning a hip against the bed. "And you could be out of here in a week, if you'll actually do as you're told."

"I want to talk to him for myself," Emily said, her tone warning. She had her own questions and as long as she could draw breath, she'd make her own decisions regarding her life.

"Done. I'll have him paged as soon as you're ready," Hotch agreed.

"You'll stay?" Emily whispered, her request difficult to articulate. "When he comes in?"

"I don't plan on going anywhere," Hotch assured her, gently squeezing her hand. He could see the banked fears smoldering in her eyes...the last thing he wanted her to feel was alone.

Swallowing, Emily focused her eyes on the doorway and on the feel of Aaron's hand holding hers. "Okay, then. Okay."


	24. Chapter 24

_**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for our stories to be posted. We appreciate your support and apologize for any delays. Real life, however, has taken precedence! We always want to be able to provide you with quality stories and chapters, so our postings may be a bit sporadic over the next month.**_

_**Please...check out our new forum topic: A Fanfic Glossary! Also, we have also opened a Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior thread where you may discuss the show (respectfully, of course). We also have a forum announcing our fellow author's (Kathi1C) new IheartCriminalMinds blog. You can ask her questions and get directions on going to her site. We also have SEVERAL NEW THREADS on our forum. AND...we've opened a thread to discuss the episode "Lauren" on the forum. Please stop by and check us out.**_

_**Check out our newest challenge for April...and joing the fun! No signups are required...and it's the perfect opportunity to write that comedy about your favorite CM character being the object of the world's best April's Fool joke. Check out our forum for more details. **_

_**As always, we do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters that we so enjoy writing. If we did own them, we would have never had JJ leave!**_

_**And please, swing by my profile page and take my latest poll. I'm thinking of revisiting some of my older stories and would like your opinion. You guys mean the world to us!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Wincing as she tried to shift a pillow behind her shoulders, Emily drew in a sharp breath as her body quickly reminded her of her recent surgery. Just what I need, she thought darkly as she closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe through the pain. Another reminder of exactly how weak I have become.

Cracking open one eye, she glared angrily at the plastic bag hanging ever-so-innocently on the tall metal pole beside her bed. "Oh, I don't need any more reminders," she muttered to herself as she tried to resist the urge to pull out the small plastic tubing that burrowed its way under her skin, the medicine taking over her bloodstream with each passing second.

Oh, who the hell was she trying to kid here? It wasn't medicine dripping into her veins. It was poison, plain and simple. Her only hope was that it was a better form of poison than the one currently residing within her bloodstream. Both were going to make her sicker than hell.

But, she thought darkly, with the introduction of one, she might actually get to live to see another year.

Between her oncologist and Aaron Hotchner's dark eyes boring into hers, she'd finally consented to the treatment. As much to end those piercing stares as to try and give herself a shot at longer life. For the love of God, she felt like, somehow, over the last few days, Hotch had developed X-ray vision and now came equipped with the ability to see into her soul and ferret out her darkest, deepest fears.

Damn him.

It would have to be now, at her lowest point, that he'd develop an interest in her. Too bad it was related to pity, an emotion she despised almost as much as the cancer coursing through her body.

Shaking her head morosely, she heard the door to her hospital room creak again, a telltale sign that she was about to be invaded by another well meaning nurse, doctor or friend.

Without looking away from the CNN broadcast, the only thing she'd found tolerable to watch at one o'clock in the afternoon, she said bluntly, "My IV line is fine, my pillows are fluffed and I don't want anything to eat."

"Glad to hear it," the deep voice that she'd come to expect replied evenly. "None of those things are why I'm here though," Aaron Hotchner relayed dryly.

Sighing, Emily rolled her eyes as she plucked at the edge of the sheet. "Look, I've ceded to each of your authoritarian mandates, Hotch. Be satisfied and go away."

"And as grateful as I am that you allowed common sense to prevail," Hotch continued, walking toward her hospital bed and bracing his forearms on the iron rails bracketing the sides, "there are still a few more things we need to discuss."

"Like what?" Emily groaned, offering his a sidelong glare, her dark eyes narrowing. "What the hell else could I possibly need to do?"

"Talk to your mother, Emily," Hotch offered softly. "She needs to be aware of what's happening."

"Absolutely not," Emily automatically denied, her voice sharp in the quiet room. "And I swear to God, if you or any of my well-meaning friends tell her anything other than what I've already told her, I'm out of here. I'm done. Do you understand me?" she asked with flashing eyes.

"You don't think she'd want to be here for you, too? If you had a child, wouldn't you want to know they were facing the battle of their life?" Hotch queried gently. "Good God, if this were Jack, I'd move heaven and earth to..."

"This isn't happening to Jack, Hotch," Emily cut him off tersely, unwilling to allow his emotional response sway her in any form or fashion. "It's happening to me, and I've made my decision. Respect it or get out," she ordered.

Inhaling deeply through his nose, Hotch stared down into the determined eyes of Emily Prentiss and knew she meant each word she spoke. Licking his lips, he asked, "Do you love your mother, Emily?"

"My relationship with my mother is my business," Emily informed him stiffly. "It's complicated at the best of times."

"Illness has a way of simplifying even the most complicated relationships," Hotch countered.

"I'm well past the age of needing my mommy to kiss the boo boos, Hotch...not that she ever did. That was done by a slew of nannies and nurses. Which, if my mother knew about my current condition, is exactly who she'd send...the very best in their field, I'm sure, but, believe me, the Ambassador would not be here holding my hand," Emily revealed bitterly.

"So you're punishing her? For not being there?" Hotch drawled softly, no censure in his voice. "This is your little comeuppance?"

"No, this is my very real method of self-preservation," Emily retorted. "You don't have to like it. You just need to honor my wishes. I do not want the Ambassador here."

"Whether you call her or I call her...you know this will eventually reach her ears. One hospital leak...one word whispered in the right ear...She will eventually hear about it. Wouldn't you like to control the information being released?"

Shoulders sagging, Emily's fingers clenched in the sheet covering her. Why the hell did he always have to make so much damned sense? "She won't care, Aaron," Emily whispered huskily, her eyes trained on the television screen. "Not in the way a normal mother would. Not like you would care with Jack or JJ would care with Henry. Or even Morgan's mother would care with him. The Ambassador doesn't experience emotions the way most normal people do. Any feeling she feels uncomfortable with, she shoves in a box and pushes it to the back of her emotional closet."

"Sounds familiar," Hotch said evenly, keeping his gaze on her face.

"I am nothing like my mother," Emily snapped, her eyes flying to his face as she raised her head up from the pillow.

Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, Hotch dangled it in front of her. "Prove it, Emily. Call her."

Eyeing the phone with horrified eyes, Emily shook her head, shifting slightly in the bed. "No."

"Scared?" Hotch asked gently.

Lifting her gaze to his, Emily said with lips that barely moved, "Terrified."

"Why? Afraid that she'll come or afraid that she won't?" Hotch questioned softly.

"Both," Emily choked, a lone tear escaping her eye. Jesus, now she was crying over a relationship she'd never really had. What in the world was her life coming to? "Can't you just leave it alone, Hotch?"

"If I thought it was best for you, I would. But it isn't, Em. You need everyone we can get fighting this thing. Call her. You already admitted that you don't have any expectations from her. At least give her the chance to prove you wrong."

And with a shaking hand, Emily reached for the phone.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Author's Note: So, it's been a while, our friends. Sorry for the delay in posting. But, I swear, I think my co-author and I have found a way to keep writing. **__**Ton and I have devised a new strategy. With eleven ongoing epics (and two more that we had not even began to post yet), we've come up with a plan. Each month we are going to concentrate on bringing you chapters of FOUR of the eleven stories we have out there. Each month, we'll alternate. Now, that doesn't mean that you won't get the odd chapter of the other seven stories ongoing during the month if the muse cooperates, but we want to bring you well written material and we think this will help. You'll also see oneshots, challenge pieces, and post eps (especially with our Shakespeare Series) during the month, too, but we'll only concentrate on four epics during any month. Make sense? I hope so.**_

_**For the month of April, we'll be concentrating on the epics, "Southern Traditions", "The Girl Who Lived", "In Sunshine or In Shadow", and "Sweet Silver Lining".**_

_**At any rate, those of you not familiar with our work, please swing by our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" for ongoing discussion threads and challenges. We'd love to have you.**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Five minutes later, Aaron Hotchner was beginning to doubt the wisdom of his earlier advice. Watching as Emily's fingers turned whiter and whiter as she gripped the phone even tighter, he felt his jaw clench. What the hell had he been thinking? It was obvious that the Ambassador was not offering any words of support to Emily, in spite of his earlier hopes.

Emily's voice broke through his inner chastisements just then. "I told you, Mother," she said with an even tone that was belied by the obvious pain in her eyes, "That I do not need your assistance. Everything is perfectly fine on this end." Drawing in a deep breath as she listed to the voice on the other end of the connection, Emily closed her eyes for a bare moment then said, firmly, "No, Mother. There is no need to have Dr. Watkins flown in from Mayo. I have the best doctors already here."

Aaron watched and listed as Emily continued stoically. "Mother, all I called to say was that things are not exactly normal right now. I thought...I thought you had a right to know," she said stiffly, rolling her shoulders underneath the thin hospital gown. "I'm not asking for anything from you. I don't expect you to magically fix anything. There is no miracle cure."

Watching as Emily's shoulders began to slump in defeat, he reached out, squeezing her hand in reassurance.

"...but I don't want you to come, Mother. I'm going to be in the hospital a few more days. There would be no point," Emily tried to interrupt the rapid string of words coming from the other end of the connection. Looking at Aaron with something close to panic in her eyes, her throat worked frantically. Seeing Aaron gesture toward the phone and motion for it, Emily nodded weakly. "Mother...the nurse is coming in. Why don't you speak to Agent Hotchner? Perhaps, he can give you better answers than I seem to be," she said quickly covering the mouthpiece with one hand. "Are you sure?" she asked in a whisper as she stared up at him. "She's in rare form at my audacity for leaving her out of the loop."

"Give me the phone, Emily," Hotch replied calmly, taking the cell from her chilled fingers smoothly. "I'm going to take this outside," he said, rising from his chair beside the bed. "I'll be right outside the door if you need me." Seeing her nod, he moved outside the room before pressing the phone to his ear."Ambassador Prentiss," Aaron queried coolly as he closed the door to Em's room. "Aaron Hotchner, ma'am."

"Agent Hotchner," the Ambassador's cultured voice intoned through the cell connection. "Good," she said with satisfaction. "Perhaps now I will be able to gain some clear answers. Preferably before the press catches wind of my daughter's condition and has a field day. Do you realize that if this had made the papers, I would have appeared completely clueless? I would have looked like an idiot regarding my own child! I don't know what Emily could have been thinking...keeping me uninformed in this fashion."

"I'd imagine Emily was investing her energy elsewhere. Like on her continued survival, madam," Hotch informed her, his voice harsh as he imagined the woman's patrician features. "The press was and is the least of her concerns. And it will remain so."

"Pardon me?" the Ambassador gasped, the sound echoing through the connection.

"I think I was very clear," Hotch replied, his tone clipped and firm. "Did you miss the part of your conversation earlier where Emily told you that she has cancer, Ambassador? Regardless of what she has told you, her condition is very serious. And any outside stressors are to be eliminated."

"Are you implying that I'm one of those less than welcome outside influences?" Elizabeth Prentiss questioned coldly.

"What I'm saying is that your daughter is gravely ill. Your career isn't even on her radar, nor should it be. I cannot tell you not to come here. I will tell you, however, that if you do, when you are in Emily's company, her welfare will be your primary concern…or you won't be here very long. She's got an entire host of people that put her health at the top of their list of priorities, ma'am, including me. I will not watch her be upset in any way, especially concerning factors like the press or your job."

Empty silence reigned for several beats, and Hotch wondered if Emily's mother had simply hung up on him. Not that it mattered. He meant every word he'd spoken to her. Finally, hearing a delicate clearing of the throat, he raised an amused eyebrow as he realized that he'd shocked the elegant woman, half a world away, speechless.

"I certainly put Emily's health at the top of my list of priorities, Agent Hotchner," Elizabeth finally stated quietly, her tone subdued. "I'm sorry. Shock can do all sorts of horrible things to a parent. If you haven't found that out yet, you eventually will." Pausing briefly, she asked tightly, "How bad is "bad", Agent?"

"She survived initial surgery which is more than her doctors assumed she would when this ordeal began," Hotch answered truthfully. "But I can't lie to you. She's experienced some surgical complications. And when chemotherapy begins, it will, in all likelihood, cripple her immune system. Bad is bad, Ambassador."

"Dear God," Elizabeth breathed, her stomach sinking as the full implications of Aaron Hotchner's statement seeped into her being. "She could die," she said faintly, blinking back alien tears.

"Not if I can help it," Hotch replied, stiffening at those words and the emotion filling them. "And I would appreciate if you change your outlook, or at least do a convincing imitation of optimism before you speak to your daughter again."

"I...you...," the Ambassador stammered uncharacteristically. Finally finding her voice, she stated, her voice trembling slightly, "I don't know what you think of me, Agent Hotchner. And frankly, I don't care. The only concern now on my agenda is Emily's welfare. I'll be on the first flight back to the States that I can find."

"Just remember my conditions, Ambassador," Aaron stipulated, his voice slightly menacing. "I will not let anyone, including her mother, upset her. She's in a precarious position, at best. I won't let anyone disrupt what balance she's managed to find. I'm sure you agree with me regarding that."

"Your thinly veiled threats are very clear," the Ambassador replied, her tone stiffening once again. "But allow me to make something very clear to you, sir. If anything happens to my daughter before I arrive, I'll be looking at you for an explanation. And I expect you to keep me apprised of every aspect of her condition."

"I think we've reached an understanding, madam," Hotch replied, slipping his free hand into his trouser pocket.

"We understand each other, Agent," Elizabeth snorted. "And don't tell her that I'm coming," she added. "It will only upset her. Oh, she'll suspect...but once she knows, she won't rest at all."

"So why come, ma'am?" Hotch sighed, once again wondering if the woman was incapable of understanding simple instruction. "If you know it's what she wants..."

"As a parent, do you really need to ask that question?" Elizabeth replied tiredly. "I'm her mother. Where else am I going to be?"

Closing his eyes, Aaron nodded. "Understood, Ambassador. Understood."

As Aaron disconnected the call, he sighed. It wasn't the best possible outcome, but he'd known it wouldn't be. And perhaps, there would be more to Elizabeth Prentiss than met the eye.

He certainly hoped so, if only for Emily's sake.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: For those interested, we will have a new challenge up on the forum (Chit Chat on Author's Corner) in the next few days.**

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"She's coming, isn't she?"

Pausing in the act of closing the door, Hotch turned toward the sound of Emily's voice. Anyone that didn't know her would think she sounded simply disinterested….as if she'd just asked for the time or the weather report. But he did know Emily…and that wasn't disinterest reflected in her soft voice.

It was the sound of resignation. And it scared the hell out of him.

"I couldn't sway her on that, but I made it clear that if she hindered progress, she would find herself on the banned list fairly quickly," he replied, keeping his own voice even and in control as he steadily met her intense gaze.

Lips twisting into a caricature of a smile, Emily snorted, her fingers picking at the edge of the plain white sheet. "And how did the revered Ambassador take that revelation, Herr Hotchner."

"Surprisingly well, actually," Hotch said with a rare grin as he pushed the door closed, the click sounding louder than he expected. "She sounded sincerely concerned, Emily," he continued, his voice a shade lower as he moved closer.

"I'm sure she does," Emily mumbled, her fingers now busily clenching and releasing the blanket draped over her legs. "Mother always cares about a cause. She also always has an agenda."

"I won't let that happen, Emily," Hotch murmured, patting her hand as he sat back down in the chair beside her bed, settling in to his now-regular position. "I remember how…single-minded your mother can be. I won't allow this to become her latest focus issue."

Shaking her head, Emily inhaled deeply. "I'm not ready to reconcile with her," she blurted, unable to hold the words inside, her throat tightening at the very effort. "It feels too much like getting ready to die."

"While I'm glad to hear you don't want to plan your last days," Hotch began slowly, raising a dark eyebrow, "I didn't know you two had anything to reconcile over. I thought you just had a complicated relationship."

"Complicated is one word for it," Emily chuckled without humor, leaning her head back against the pillows behind her. Drawing in a deep breath, she said, "But while I've been told it's morbidly fascinating to watch in action, our so-called relationship was something I was hoping to avoid exploring. I really thought she'd plead a packed schedule and send flowers. I'd really have been okay with that."

"You're her daughter, Emily. And you're ill," Aaron reminded her gently.

"Didn't slow her down when I was in a car accident in college and broke six bones in my leg," Emily replied as she shrugged, grimacing as she recalled the loneliness of her hospital room, only the occasional nurse for company. Definitely a far cry from what she was experiencing now. Between Hotch and the rest of the team, she was rarely alone, much to her continuing surprise. She was truly part of a family for the first time in her life. She only hoped that she could live long enough to enjoy the novelty of it.

"Emily, I don't think you need me to point out that cancer and car accident fall in vastly different realms of moments a parent would panic over," Aaron replied, arching one brow as he met her darkened eyes.

"Well, since I've never been a parent, I guess I'll have to concede the point, won't I?" Emily asked morosely, turning away from his penetrating gaze.

He didn't need his keen hearing to hear the unspoken longing in her voice and for a moment, Hotch was speechless. "You're still young, Em," he began, drawing in a deep breath as he sought the words that would offer them both hope for her future.

Rolling her dark eyes, Emily countered before he could continue, "And you were here when the oncologist explained the risks of this chemotherapy. I'm not going to be able to have kids, Aaron. One more opportunity lost," she whispered, her fingers once again pulling at the hem of the plain sheet.

"That isn't what he said," Hotch denied flatly, raising his chin. "He said it might be difficult to conceive…"

"And how many good childbearing years do you think I have left?' Emily snapped, turning toward him again. "One way or another, this cancer is going to rob me of something. Either my life or my ability to produce it! I lose something I want either way!"

"Well, at least you admit you want to live now," he replied dryly as he nodded once. "That's progress."

Releasing an inelegant growl, Emily bit the inside of her cheek to keep from shrieking. "You're a man," she finally spat, her lips pressing in a tight line. "You don't understand."

"What I understand is that there are more than one way to have a child, Prentiss," Hotch retorted, his voice hardening, refusing to let her sink into the despair that was obviously hovering on the edges of her psyche. "I also understand that you might want to consider conserving your energy for something other than wallowing in a pity party. Maybe you could utilize some of it to concentrate on healing…or surviving your mother. I'm thinking she might be lethal than any cancer inside your body."

And for the first time since her diagnosis, Emily Prentiss began to laugh.

Lips twitching as he watched her face relax and the lines around her eyes slowly disappear, Aaron tilted her head. "My outlook amuses you? I'm touched," he said in mock surprise, pressing a hand to his heart.

Wiping her eyes, Emily giggled again. "Sorry," she choked. "It just occurred to me how similar my mother and this cancer are. They both have the penchant for being terminal conditions. And I'm not so sure which one is more deadly."

"Funny," Hotch muttered, arching one brow as she broke into another burst of laughter.

"You started it."

"Well, somebody sounds like they're feeling better," a light voice said from the doorway, interrupting the shared moment between the two agents.

Emily's laughter abruptly died as she stared at the newest occupant of her room. Framed in her doorway was a new representative to her pain. Watching as the pink-clad nurse strode toward her IV pole, she swallowed thickly. "Is that it?" she asked huskily, nodding toward the small plastic bag in the woman's hands.

Efficiently looping the medicine on the pole, the nurse nodded as she deftly attached the tubing into the IV. "Your first round of chemo. It'll run over four hours."

Feeling Hotch's warm, reassuring hand cover hers, Emily inhaled deeply. "How soon until the side effects begin?" she asked as the nurse linked the tubing to her arm.

Giving Emily a sympathetic look, the nurse replied, "It affects every patient differently, but most of the time, you'll experience some nausea within the first twenty-four hours.

"And that's the more inviting outcome, huh?" Emily murmured, forcing herself to breath in spite of the current smothering urge that was threatening to overtake her.

"We'll handle it," Hotch's solid voice soothed beside her.

"So you say, Hotch," Emily replied, watching as the clear drops of poison began dripping into the tubing. "So you say," her voice intoned hollowly.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Be patient, dear readers, we're hoping to update Chit Chat on Author's Corner over the weekend! Any ideas for what you guys would like to see or activities you'd like to participate in would be greatly appreciated. Shoot me a private message!**

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

Stepping out in to the quiet hallway, Aaron glanced down at his watch as he gently closed the door behind him. Letting out a soft breath, he let his eyes close for a bare moment as he gathered his thoughts. For the past two hours, he had sat in silence, unable to leave Emily's side even though she had fallen into a restless sleep within a few minutes of the chemo starting.

On a logical level, he knew that her body needed the rest if she was ever going to have a chance against the disease. But on an emotional level, he couldn't shake the thought that he might never see her eyes again.

And that thought frightened him more than any other that had ever invaded his mind before.

The sound of approaching footsteps broke through his introspection, and he raised his head just in time to meet the knowing gaze of David Rossi.

"How is she?" Rossi asked, his voice even but concerned as he tilted his head toward the now closed door.

"Sleeping," Aaron replied succinctly, straightening his shoulders as he took a step down the hallway.

Dave nodded as he fell into step beside his friend. "In her condition, I'd say that's a good thing." Pausing for a moment, he then added, "JJ should be here in about an hour, once she gets Henry settled with Garcia. She was determined to take the night shift and wouldn't hear otherwise."

Shaking his head automatically, Hotch denied, "She doesn't need to do that, Dave."

"It's our night, Hotch. And by the look of you," Rossi murmured, sliding his gaze over his haggard friend, "It looks like you could use some sack time in an actual bed. JJ and I will be okay here by ourselves. Garcia and Morgan have Henry, and Reid..."

"It's not that, Dave," Hotch shook his head, pausing to lean heavily against the cement wall of the hallway, his legs suddenly unable to take another step. "I made her a promise that I'd be here when she woke up. I think she's afraid the Ambassador will surprise her."

"Aaron, I can handle Elizabeth Prentiss and any of the bullshit baggage she decides to bring with her while you grab a couple of hours shut eye," Dave informed him softly, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets. "And if I couldn't, you can bet your ass JJ could," he ventured, his voice filled with a healthy respect of the younger woman.

"And I think everybody is going to get their chance at being a referee, but the truth is, I just can't leave her tonight," Aaron informed the other man softly, not exactly meeting his friend's eyes. "She looks so weak...so fragile lying in that bed. I've got to..."

"Protect her?" Dave queried gently, knowing without asking that his teammate was attempting to accomplish the impossible. Shaking his head sadly, he added, "You can't, man. Not from this. Not from what's coming at her. This crap they're pumping into her veins, Aaron, it's poison. She can't hide from that and neither can you. I don't wanna be the voice of doom and gloom here, but you've gotta know it'll get worse before it gets any better."

Leaning his head back against the unforgiving wall behind him, Aaron glared at Dave. "You think I haven't already figured that out? She's miserable in there, Dave, and her treatments have barely even began. But, I'll be damned if I leave her at the mercy of the Ambassador. I may have learned how to conceal my emotions, but I still at least have them. I'm not entirely sure that her mother has that same ability."

"I get where you're coming from, Aaron," Dave acknowledged, holding up a hand in peace. "But Elizabeth isn't going to arrive tonight. Don't you want to have at least a little sleep under your belt when she shows up and you start running interference? Hell, don't go home. Go crawl on that wannabe sofa in her room and grab some shuteye. JJ and I can take the chairs."

Inhaling deeply as he attempted to control the tightening in his chest, Aaron glared at his best friend. "You aren't going to let this go, are you?"

"No," Dave replied truthfully with a non-apologetic shrug. "Of the two of us, I'm the one that knows exactly what we'll all be up against. We can't head into it frazzled. Christ," he muttered, running a hand through his hair, "I feel like a broken record. I already had to have this conversation with JJ. I ought to record it and play it for everyone."

"Might not hurt," Hotch granted, one side of his mouth lifting in amusement as he felt some of his earlier tension start to dissipate. "I take it that you and JJ have encountered a skirmish already."

"That woman is too damned stubborn for her own good," Dave grumbled, his eyes dropping to the tiled floor. "She thinks she's a one woman superhero. Able to give birth to small children, hold a fraying team together with her bare hands, AND exist on two or three hours sleep. It's infuriating. And she's been doing it all alone...not relying on any of us."

"JJ's always been a private person," Aaron replied with a shrug, well aware of their teammate's propensity for secrecy. "Nothing's really changed."

"Everything has changed, Aaron. And the sooner we all accept that fact, the better off we're gonna be. JJ can't handle all this crap alone any more than Emily can."

"Well, we can at least thank God that Morgan is on Garcia duty," Hotch mused aloud, rolling his neck as he pushed away from the wall. "That only really leaves Reid. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm worried about him, too. I've been wondering if we might should call..."

"Don't say his name," Dave growled, shaking his head as he pointed warningly at his friend. "It isn't a good idea."

"Gideon understood Reid in ways that no one else ever could, Dave," Hotch pointed out wisely, ignoring the tone in Dave's voice. "And as you've pointed out multiple times, nobody can handle this kind of curveball all alone."

"What about that Elle Greenway that I've heard you all mention," Dave countered, racking his brain for options. "They were close, too, weren't they?"

"Elle didn't know Emily," Hotch replied, shaking his head. "Gideon did."

"We could stick Strauss with him. She's called about fifty times asking if she can do anything," Dave suggested, only half-kidding, his tone bordering on philosophical.

"Do you really dislike Reid that much?" Hotch snorted, arching one dark brow as he stared at his teammate.

"No," Dave muttered. "I don't." Sighing heavily, Dave met Aaron's eyes. "Look, I'll try to get in touch with the old bastard, but I'm not making any promises."

"Just feel him out, Dave. That's all I'm asking for now. I don't want this team falling completely apart while my attention is focused elsewhere. I'm counting on you to keep it together. And functioning."

"Yeah," Dave huffed, scrubbing his hand over his jaw as he once again fell into step with his former protégé. "You always did like to give me the shit jobs."

* * *

_**In Memoriam of my son, Elijah Michael Byers (2/28/03-4/27/03). Mama misses you each day!**_

_**"When I come to the end of my road, miss me, but let me go."**_


	28. Chapter 28

_**Author's Note: Hello, readers. Just a brief note for you all today. For those interested, we have a new challenge up at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Sign-ups for our theme song challenge run through May 14, 2011. The rules are simple. Tell us your favorite character about which to write, the character you'd like to receive a story about AND what you envision that character's theme song being. We think it'll be a lot of fun and hope to see all of you there! All our best!**_

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

She was being held down against her will. And she couldn't stand that feeling any longer.

Fighting for a deep breath that refused to come, Emily felt her chest start to tighten uncontrollably as she opened her mouth to yell for help. But nothing seemed to escape her useless vocal chords, and she couldn't even lift her hands to push against the overwhelming darkness that was settling against her.

Her faint whimper escaped into the darkness, and she finally felt her fingers start to move, the effort taking more energy than she had ever exerted before. Suddenly, a brightness flashed around her, and she heard her name being called in the distance.

"Emily! Open your eyes!"

She knew that voice….had heard that tone many times before. The pressure seemed to lessen then as she forced her eyes to do exactly what she had been commanded to do. And she found herself staring into the worried face of Jennifer Jareau.

"There you are," JJ said with a soft sigh as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Pushing Emily's dark hair off her forehead, JJ whispered calmly, "It was just a dream."

"Hell of a dream," Emily said sleepily, blinking against the fluorescent light above her. Why did the powers that be that designed hospitals find it necessary to hang a light that shined directly into the patient's eyes every time they woke up, she asked herself grumpily, throwing up a hand to shield her face. "JJ, dim those, will you?" Emily asked hoarsely, weakly pointing a finger toward the ceiling.

"Oh!" JJ winced, automatically reaching for the dial that controlled the lights and quickly reducing the glare. "Done," she said softly, covering Emily's trembling hand with hers. "Are you cold, Em?" her concerned voice queried.

"Chills," Emily murmured, huddling under the blankets covering her. "The nurse warned me they'd probably start soon the last time she was in here. Side effect," Emily explained succinctly as she glared at her IV pole. "This crap feels like ice chips leaking into my veins."

Grabbing another blanket from the warmer in the corner, JJ nodded sympathetically as she spread the soft material over her friend. "I'm sorry, Em," she offered quietly, hating herself for not being able to do more for her hurting friend.

Sighing, Emily shook her head. "Don't be. I'd rather it be me than one of you guys," she chattered, pulling the heated material closer to her.

"Should I get a nurse?" JJ asked worriedly as another tremor seemed to rock Em's already small body.

"God, no," Emily groaned, shaking her head vigorously as she tried to raise up off her pillow. "That woman will be back in here soon enough with her damned thermometer." Hearing the edge in her own voice, she forced herself to relax. "I know she's got a job to do, but seriously, does she have to wake me up every time I manage to fall asleep?"

Smiling, JJ shook her head. "I think it must be in the job description."

"I think I might resent that," a voice spoke from the open doorway. Grinning as she entered Emily's room, the nurse wagged a finger in the air. "Now you wouldn't want to tick off the person that comes bearing the good drugs, would you?" she asked, lifting a medicine cup in her hand.

Emily grimaced. "More pills?"

"Trust me, Agent Prentiss, these you're gonna want. Anti-nausea meds," the scrub clad woman nodded, handing over the small cup to Emily.

"What exactly am I taking?" Emily asked, warily accepting the medicine from the nurse.

"Decadron. It's an effective counter measure with this chemo, trust me," the nurse assured her with a wink.

Popping the pill into her mouth, Emily accepted the water JJ offered her with gratitude, washing the bitter taste from her mouth. Subsiding back to the pillows behind her, Emily watched the nurse efficiently clasp the blood pressure cuff to her bicep. "So what wonderful side effects does this drug come with?"

"Some complain of cramps...anxiety. And we'll be watching your blood pressure more closely. And," the woman sighed, "unfortunately, prolonged usage can compromise your immune system."

"Oh," Emily replied perkily, rolling her eyes, "something else that's gonna knock my legs out from under me. As if the chemo won't do that all on its own."

Raising an eyebrow, the nurse countered, "I said it could, not that it would. Let's try a little optimism here," she chided.

"You be optimistic," Emily muttered, pulling her arm away as the nurse took off the cuff. "I want to sleep. Preferably right through your frequent visits. Got anything in your pocket to help me with that?" she demanded as she frowned.

"Afraid not," the nurse apologized as she shook her head. "And I really am sorry for all the intrusions, but we have to monitor your temperature and blood pressure. Especially through these first few treatments. You're gonna see a lot of me, I'm afraid."

"Sorry," Emily apologized weakly, realizing how shrewish she sounded. "I'm not usually so bitchy."

"Don't worry about it, hon." The nurse patted her leg. "My patient down in 304 threw her bedpan at me earlier. Now, that was spiteful, even if those things aren't steel anymore. This ordeal isn't supposed to be a picnic. But, you'll get through it."

"Yes, you will," JJ agreed from the opposite side of the bed. "But for the record...you throw a bed pan at me and I'm outta here."

Laughing in spite of herself, Emily nodded. "I don't blame you." Turning back to the nurse, she smiled. "Thanks for understanding," she offered quietly.

Nodding, the nurse kindly replied, "Get some rest. I'll be back in forty-five minutes or so."

Watching as the door to her room closed, Emily looked at JJ. "At least they have a compassionate staff here, huh?"

"Garcia did some research. This is the best hospital for you, Em. Progressive treatments with promising outcomes. A good staff..."

"In other words, everything a cancer patient could ask for," Emily replied grimly.

"Okay, Mary Sunshine," JJ teased, deliberately lightening her voice, "let's see what I can do to put a smile on your face. Who do you feel like dishing about this evening?"

Turning her head to eye JJ, Emily smiled. "You're worse than Garcia," she laughed, appreciating the effort her friend was displaying. "Any excuse to gossip..."

"Yeah." JJ rolled her eyes. "Like I need an excuse. So, tell me...is it true that Hotch has already gone toe to toe with the esteemed Ambassador?"

Exhaling a slow breath as she shifted on the bed, Emily nodded. "Yes, he did. Although, I think he may be losing his touch. She's still coming," she groaned with a grimace. "It's going to be a three ring circus around here, I'm afraid."

"Don't bet on it," JJ smirked. "Hotch took turns this evening giving every one of us the drill for dealing with your mom. We are not to allow ourselves to be bullied by her under penalty of death."

"He's trying so hard to help," Emily mused thoughtfully. "I never thought he'd react like this. I mean, I knew he'd try to be there for me, but he's gone above and beyond, JJ," Emily confided.

"He cares, Em," JJ counseled. "A lot."

Swallowing, Emily shook her head. "He's just trying to be a good friend. But you guys have lives. Especially you and Hotch. You both have kids that need you," Emily worried, guilt welling inside her.

"Hey," JJ soothed automatically, reaching out to grasp her friend's hand, "those kids of ours are just fine. Currently Jack and Henry are having a slumber party with Garcia. Believe me, they aren't missing us."

"But..."

"Emily, stop. We're all fine," JJ insisted. "Besides, if you don't get that pinched look on your face before Hotch gets back in here, he'll be gunning for me. He's gotten a little protective in case you hadn't noticed."

"I noticed," Emily nodded slowly. "Where is he?" she asked softly.

"He and Rossi went down to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. They should be back any minute," JJ replied as the door opened behind her.

"Speak of the devils," Emily said, nodding toward the doorway.

"Only in my past life," Rossi replied with a twinkle in his eyes as he walked into the room, paper cups in both hands. "I'm reformed. He, however," he noted, jerking his head toward Aaron Hotchner, "never got corrupted to begin with."

"Had my hands full bailing your ass out of trouble," Hotch snorted, closing the door.

"I hope one of those coffees is for me," JJ sighed, reaching for one of the cups in Dave's hand.

"Hot tea," Dave said unapologetically, merely meeting her glare with a determined gaze.

Raising an eyebrow, Emily shook her head. "Hot tea? You're messing with JJ's coffee now? You are a devil."

"If she slept more, somebody wouldn't have to limit her caffeine intake," Dave replied unapologetically.

"Would you shut up?" JJ asked irritably over her shoulder. "You're one to talk, Dave. When was the last time you slept more than four consecutive hours in a row?"

Smiling at their familiar banter, Emily smiled at Hotch as he resumed his seat beside her bed. "The only thing we're missing is the popcorn," she murmured as their colleagues continued to argue.

"There's something to be said for cheap entertainment," Hotch winked, settling in for a long night by her side.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Author's Note: **__**We also wanted you to know, we're on Facebook now. Look us up under "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" and add away. It's just another way for we authors and readers to remain in contact!**_

_**And check out our new "Times are Changing" mini-challenge at Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. This one is for those Ashley Seaver fans that would like to write a resolution to her storyline.**_

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_**I still can't review reply without giving myself a migraine, so thank you to everybody who reviews my story. I use them as a barometer for what you guys enjoy. So crack those knuckles and let me know your thoughts.**_

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Aaron shifted in his chair as he took a sip of his lukewarm coffee. For the past two hours, he'd been alone with Emily, watching carefully as she slept. And after the night she had, he could only hope that she would sleep as long as possible.

For those long and drawn out hours in the middle of the night, he would have given his own life to relieve her from the nausea that had racked her body. Between him, Rossi and JJ, they had managed to persuade Emily to allow the doctors to sedate her enough to let her body relax. And when she had finally agreed, he had never been so relieved in his life.

Her pale face still testified to the trauma that had rolled through her. If he had to make a judgment call now, he would have to say that her skin was even paler than the bleached sheets that were tucked tightly around her. Sitting down his coffee cup, he let out a sigh as he leaned his head back against the chair, his eyes drawn to the IV apparatus hanging beside her bed, the insidious liquid dripping through the tube.

He was no longer certain that the cure was not going to be worse than her disease.

His buzzing phone interrupted his internal musings just then. Deftly sliding his fingers over the screen, he answered softly, "Talk fast, Rossi. She's still asleep and I want to keep her that way."

"Then you better have them load her up with another round of drugs, man," Rossi muttered back as he walked quickly through the crowded lobby of the hospital. "The Ambassador just rolled in with entourage in tow."

Closing his eyes, Hotch scrubbed a hand over his face. "Show her to the floor's waiting room, Dave. I'll meet her there," he replied, keeping his voice low. Hanging up the phone, he stood, reaching out a hand to smooth the hair back from Emily's now relaxed face. He'd hoped she'd have more time to recover from this first round of chemotherapy's initial side effects before the Ambassador made her appearance.

Evidently, fate had other plans.

Sighing, he allowed his fingers to linger a few moments longer on her smooth cheek. Sometimes, life just wasn't fair. You could do everything right. Eat healthily. Exercise. Avoid the common vices that made you susceptible to illness.

And still, this horrible disease could creep into your body.

Swallowing the bitterness rising in his throat, Aaron forced himself to tamp down at the pointless rage he felt at the sickness ravaging her body, slowly drawing back his hand. He couldn't take that malignancy from her body, but he could prevent the one currently waiting to invade her room from hurting her.

That much, he could control.

XXX

Walking into the brightly lit waiting room a few minutes later, Hotch sighed as the Ambassador whirled to face him. "Agent Hotchner," Elizabeth Prentiss bit out, her patrician features tightened into a mask of anger. "I trust you have an excellent explanation for having me banned from my daughter's room?"

"Ambassador," Hotch returned gravely, inclining his head. "No one had banned you from anything. Yet. Your daughter is finally resting peacefully after a long night. I requested that the nurses place her on the do not disturb list to allow her some much needed rest. Her first round of chemotherapy was more difficult than anyone anticipated. I'm sure you recognize that Emily needs to be allowed to rest when she can."

"Of course I do," she snapped, her dark eyes flashing as she crossed her arms over her chest. "And I'm sure that you recognize that as Emily's mother, I will not be disallowed access to my daughter's room. By anyone."

Rolling his eyes from his position next to the window, David Rossi shook his head. "You really are a case, lady," he muttered in disgust. "The priority is your daughter here. Not your over-inflated ego."

"You're out of line, sir," a suited man bit out from the corner of the room.

Frowning at the man, Hotch kept his voice even as he redirected his gaze to the Ambassador. "Your Secret Service detail either needs to go or become more unobtrusive, ma'am. You're surrounded by multiple FBI agents more than capable of ensuring your safety. One of Emily's concerns...and mine as well... was the disruption your presence would bring to the hospital and her recovery. Your detail is merely proving her theory correct," he said with a nod toward the man glaring at him.

"And quite frankly, he's just pissing me off," Dave growled, meeting the tall man's steady gaze with his own steely glare.

"Are you saying that Emily doesn't want me here?" the Ambassador asked faintly, her neck stiffening.

Relenting slightly, Aaron shook his head. "Agent Prentiss' current situation is grave, Ma'am. I understand that your detail has a job to do, but so do I. I won't allow anything...or one...to impede her progress. I thought I was clear about that during our earlier discussion."

Lifting her chin, Elizabeth Prentiss gave a slight nod. "Bob," she said softly over her shoulder, "Take the night off."

"I can't do that, Ma'am," her guard informed her roughly.

"Then become invisible," Aaron demanded, hardening his voice.

"Bob, go," Elizabeth ordered gently, meeting the guard's gaze. "I'll be fine. You, too, Marisol," she said to her press secretary. "I've ordered rooms at the hotel across the street." Waiting until her employees had slipped from the room, she raised an eyebrow at Aaron. "I don't remember you being quite so confrontational when you were assigned to my detail, Agent Hotchner," she noted.

"A lot has changed since then, Ma'am. The most important change worth noting is that my loyalty no longer lies with you, but rather with your daughter. Please don't assume that my former allegiances will offer you special favors now. The moment Emily seems to fall from your primary focus, I'll have no trouble asking you to leave."

"You and your colleague," Elizabeth Prentiss stated with a venom filled look in Rossi's direction, "...have made yourselves abundantly clear. And if you're both done issuing oblique threats, perhaps you'll actually allow me to see my little girl."

"Of course." Hotch nodded. "You'll need to scrub first."

"Pardon?" Elizabeth asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise.

"The chemotherapy is eradicating Emily's immune system, Ambassador. You just flew across two continents and an ocean aboard a plane filled with passengers. We can't risk exposing Emily to any contaminants right now. You'll need to scrub and wear a gown."

"This is really happening, isn't it?" Elizabeth murmured, more to herself than anyone else as the sheer weight of her daughter's current condition settled over her.

"I'm afraid so, Ma'am," Hotch replied, his voice resigned.

"Show me the way, Agent Hotchner," she whispered with a deep sigh. "I want to see Emily."


	30. Chapter 30

_**Hello, friends! Our newest challenge, Fanfic Challenge Round 12 "Writers of the Silver Screen" is underway! Assignments have been distributed, and new stories are already being posted, so please check out the forum for the updated list! Stay tuned for our upcoming "Dog Days of Summer" challenge on the forum.**_

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**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty**

Very few things could render Elizabeth Prentiss speechless. After all, her silver tongue was one of the primary reasons she'd advanced so far in her life. Oh, her father's money had eased the way, but her own ability to place a pretty polish on bad situations had been a talent that couldn't be purchased.

Until now.

Now, she wasn't a practiced diplomat well versed in the subtle art of persuasion. She was simply a mother.

A very terrified mother.

And terror wasn't something she'd experienced often or well in her life.

Swallowing convulsively as she took a step toward her daughter's hospital bed…and stumbled. Through the sudden roar in her head, she barely heard Aaron Hotchner's soft voice caution, "Careful, Ambassador. I tried to prepare you."

But no mother could be prepared for this, she thought mutely, her eyes glued to her daughter's pale, still face. Moving forward slowly, every step measured, she bit her lip as her gaze connected with the tubes and hoses connected to her little girl's body. Lifting her hand to brush back a stray strand of Emily's hand, she hesitated, lifting her eyes to Aaron's.

Seeing the question shining in her gaze, he nodded slightly. "She's heavily medicated right now," he whispered, his tone perfectly modulated for the silent room. "Between the nausea meds and her painkillers, she shouldn't stir for a few hours. At least that's what her nurse said the last time she was in here."

"May I have a few minutes alone with her?" Elizabeth requested huskily in a slightly strangled voice she didn't recognize as her own, remaining composed by sheer force of will.

But she wasn't certain how long that façade would hold, no matter how tenaciously she tried.

Lifting his chin, Hotch silently assessed the woman standing on the opposite side of Emily's bed. Lips pressed tightly together, her face was drawn. It was obvious that she was struggling to remain in control. He could understand that. If Jack were lying in the bed in front of him, he'd be losing his mind. Hell, he was losing mind.

"I won't disturb her rest," Elizabeth said tightly, her gaze never lifting from her daughter.

"Of course, ma'am," Aaron finally conceded. "I'll go get a cup of coffee and give you some time together," he said quietly, his footsteps silent against the scrubbed linoleum floor as he moved toward the bed. "May I bring you anything?"

"No," the Ambassador shook her head, anxious to be alone with Emily where she could cry in private. "Nothing."

"I'll be back in half an hour or so then," he nodded, touching Em's hand softly before striding toward the door. "If anything changes..."

"I'll have you paged, Agent," Elizabeth nodded without turning. Hearing the hushed whoosh of the closing door, she sank into the chair beside Emily's bed and simply stared into her wan face. "Dear God," she whispered, finally allowing the backs of her fingers to brush against Emily's cool cheek.

Stifling a sob with one hand as she rocked in her seat, her other hand stroked her daughter's silky hair. Conscious, Emily would never have allowed it. Hell, she barely tolerated an air kiss at political functions, let alone a hug. And not for the first time in the past few years, Elizabeth cursed her own ambitious nature...damned herself for those years when she'd had the opportunity to be a real mother and allowed a nanny to take her place.

Could she regain those lost years now in the space of a few stolen minutes?

She hadn't known how to be a mother. So, she'd offered Emily the same cold, impersonal upbringing that she'd been subjected to by her socialite mother and workaholic father. At the time, she'd told herself that she was doing the best she could...making sacrifices for the greater good. But now, she could admit that had been an excuse.

She simply been scared to learn...horrified at the prospect of failing in the one thing that she so desperately wanted. The cruel irony was she'd failed anyway.

While she didn't think that her daughter hated her, she knew that Emily didn't trust her. She knew, even now, that if Emily had her way, her mother would have been the last person on earth she would have informed of her condition.

She'd disappointed her little girl repeatedly throughout the years. However, now, Emily no longer shredded her heart with shattered looks, but rather cool indifference and disdain. She shunned everything she'd been raised with...the privileges that wealth and status could bring. Instead, she'd embraced her own career, allowing the people on her team to become her family.

They were the ones that Emily now turned to in times of strife...the select few she trusted with her innermost secrets and demons.

Her own mother was an outsider...a bystander in her daughter's life. And Elizabeth had only herself to blame.

Hearing Emily's soft sigh as her fingers continued to stroke her daughter's scalp, Elizabeth felt hot tears slide down her cheeks. How many times had she done this when her little girl had truly been a little girl...sneak into her bedroom once slumbering and simply stroke her hair. Despite Emily's doubts, she'd loved her daughter. Violently.

Then and now.

She knew as soon as Emily became cognizant of her surroundings, she'd retreat behind her walls and order her to go home. Her tenacious daughter would fight and she'd struggle.

So Elizabeth knew that she had to make these rare moments count while she had them...for as long as she had them. Whether Emily wanted her here or not.

She was prepared to do now what she hadn't had the courage to do then.

She was going to be a real mother that put her child above herself. She was unforgivably late...and vastly under-qualified. But she was the parent Emily had been given.

And it was past time for her to act like it.

Whether she was truly wanted or not.


	31. Chapter 31

_**NEW**__** Author's Note: Hi, guys! We've got a few notes for you today. First up, our new challenge "The Colors of the Rainbow" Prompt Challenge will be up on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum in the next 24 to 48 hours. It looks like it's going to shape up into a fun challenge. Check it out.**_

_**Tonnie and I are diligently working toward our nomination ballot on the second annual "Profilers Choice Awards" hosted by Chit Chat on Author's corner forum. Our tentative date to release the categories, informational post and NOMINATION BALLOT is 8/28/11. One week, guys. So, put on your reading hat and look for those stories and authors you adore. Any of our fellow authors, please feel free to promote the awards as well. The more the merrier and we can use all the help we can get!**_

_**Additionally, we'll have some new posts going up at the forum this week. So, skip over and take a look.**_

_**Also, we're continuing to have oodles of fun with our fellow authors and readers over on facebook. I'm getting to know a lot of wonderful people over there and we've got quite the support system going. Feel free to come join the fun. Simply "friend" Ilovetvalot Fanfiction. I'll be sure to accept.**_

_**Also, we love hearing from you. So, drop a review if you have the time. They truly make our day.**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty-One**

Emily swallowed hard as she tried to stop from gagging. By the dual glares staring back at her, she knew that she had better at least try to drink the gruel that had been placed before her. She had already lived through a joint lecture from JJ and Aaron just a few hours earlier, and she was loath to repeat the experience.

Dropping the juice cup back on the rolling table, she matched their glares with one of her own as she demanded, weakly, "Satisfied?"

"Not quite, but it will do," JJ countered, reaching for the cup and refilling it from the nearby pitcher of ice. "Staying hydrated is one of the best things you can do, Em."

"I know the rules, Jayje," Emily muttered, dropping her head back against the pillow. "I've been reciting them for days now, remember?"

"Knowing and obeying are not necessarily synonymous with you, Emily," Hotch added, well aware of her attempts to revise reality to her own suiting.

Emily tugged at the thin sheet, refusing to meet his gaze. "I wouldn't be talking if I were you, Hoch. I think I've seen you pick and choose what rules and mandates you choose to adhere to before."

Aaron shook his head as he reached for the blue woven blanket at the bottom of her bed, easily tucking it around her entirely too thin frame. "We're not discussing me at the moment. We're talking about you."

"Yeah, everyone's talking about me, aren't they?" Emily said softly, her eyes flicking toward the half-closed door to her room. "Someone want to tell me where my mother disappeared to? Not that I'm questioning the fact. Just wondering. Rossi hasn't gagged her and stuffed her in some abandoned storage closet somewhere in the hospital, has he?"she asked, half hopeful that was indeed the case. If Aaron and JJ were Nazi soldiers, her mother was definitely their Hitler, leading her minions with an iron fist.

Lips twitching as he considered that scenario, Aaron shook his head at Emily's seemingly irreverent question. "Not quite. Your mother had to step out while you were dozing earlier. She had several meetings scheduled for this afternoon. Word of her arrival in Washington seems to have gotten around." Seeing Emily's pale face tighten, he quickly added, "Don't worry, Emily. The Ambassador agreed that your condition does not need to be publicized. She'll keep her mouth shut."

"Unless it'll win her some favor to let the cat out of the bag," Emily muttered under her breath, immediately feeling guilty for allowing the words to escape her lips. In truth, her mother had been a model parent since arriving. Elizabeth had plumped pillows and fed her ice chips and remained determinedly upbeat over the last several days, despite her daughter's admittedly shrewish behavior.

"I shouldn't have said that," Emily sighed, dropping her chin against her chest.

"She is trying, Em," JJ said softly from the other side of the bed, reaching out to pat Emily's blanket covered leg.

"I know she is," Emily murmured tiredly. "It's just...I've spent so much time despising everything she stands for, I'd forgotten that she could actually be quite human at times." Scrubbing a hand over her face, she shook her head. "But I can't forget that almost all my life, she's either been absent or pushing me to be someone I wasn't."

"Everybody deserves a second chance, don't they?" JJ asked gently, nodding encouragingly.

Smiling sadly, Emily turned toward her friend. "I'm not sure I have the time or energy to spend on second chances, Jayje." Closing her eyes as she dropped her head back against the pillows, she breathed, "Time seems to be a commodity that I might be running out of."

Exchanging a look with JJ, Hotch nodded toward the door. Seeing a tearful JJ's silent nod, Hotch returned his gaze to their common patient as the blonde woman quietly left the room, her footsteps silent on the tiled floor. "You've really got to quit saying things like that," Hotch admonished as the door whooshed closed.

"Like what?" Emily asked absently without opening her eyes.

"You know exactly what I'm referring to, Prentiss," Hotch replied evenly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Cracking her eyelids, Emily forced herself to focus on Aaron's face. "I can't help it," she whispered. "Ignoring the facts doesn't change anything. There's a really good chance that I'm not going to make it through this. If I have to accept that, then so do all of you," she informed him defensively.

Jaw tightening as he listened to his colleague, Hotch frowned. "That's your fear talking, Emily."

"Well, no shit, Aaron," Emily snapped angrily, attempting to push up on the bed. "Thanks for the analysis. Your damn right I'm scared! Fuck scared," she said, shaking her head as she struggled to scoot upward, "I'm fucking terrified! But burying my head in the sand and believing in the healing power of positive thinking isn't going to help me! I could DIE!" she shouted, suddenly enraged at him...at everyone. They sat there in there perfectly healthy bodies and dared to judge her?

"And you think this attitude you have working for you right now is going to help anything?" Hotch asked, carefully keeping his voice modulated.

"My attitude?" You want to criticize MY attitude?" Emily gaped, flabbergasted that those words had passed his lips. How dare he! What right did he have to judge her lacking? "Who the hell do you think you are?" she raged, her voice rising with every word. "Are you hooked up to a bunch of hoses and tubes, Hotch?" she asked, angrily raising one of her arms for emphasis. "You see this?" she asked furiously, snatching one of the clear bags from the iv stand beside her bed and shoving it against his broad chest, "That's POISON, Aaron. They're pumping fucking poison into my body! The doctors are essentially bringing me to the brink of DEATH in a last ditch effort to save me!"

"Emily." Hotch grimaced as he watched a fat teardrop roll down her cheek, "I'm..."

"No! Get out!" she screamed, her throat tightening. "I don't want you here! Any of you!"

Inhaling deeply, Hotch shook his head. "No."

"What?" Emily blinked, barely managing to form the word around the lump in her throat.

"I'm not leaving you," Hotch said softly. "You can get as pissed off as you need to get, Emily. Curse me, if you want. But, I'm not leaving. None of us are." He knew she was striking out because of her terror.

Narrowing her eyes, Emily nodded jerkily. "Fine," she bit out as her fingers found one of the IV ports. "If you won't go, I WILL," she threatened, jerking the IV tube from her arm.


	32. Chapter 32

_Author's Note: Big news today, our friends! The nomination ballot, rules, and category summaries for the second annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards 2011 are up and available for you at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To reach that post, please either take a trip to the forum itself OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, tonnie2001969, OR Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Nomination ballots should be pm'd to Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or through the profile pages listed above._

_We are both very excited about this second award process. In order to get the word out to as many as possible, we ask you, our fellow authors and readers, to let others know of this exciting opportunity. Whether by author's notes or Facebook, please let everyone know that the awards season has begun._

_All of the assignments for the September challenge have been mailed to the participants. If you haven't received your assignment, please let us know. __**Also, the NEW challenge sign-ups for Chit Chat's October Challenge will begin today, "The Masquerade Challenge"! It is our intention that we will have a post up by midnight on the forum. And as a sneak peak, participants will get to pick their OWN pairing this time around...we'll be providing prompts for Halloween.**_

_And for those just wandering into one of our stories, BOTH ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 are now on Facebook. Simply friend "Ilovetvalot fanfiction" and/or "Tonnie Fanfiction". We're having a blast getting to know our fellow authors and readers alike. It's a great place to either socialize or get that much needed muse kicking._

_Stay tuned over the weekend for interviews with three authors, ReidFanatic, KDSanders, and Ice Prince1. Their interviews will be available on the forum!_

_As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!_

_And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty Two**

Before she could completely disconnect her tubing, Emily felt Aaron's larger and stronger hand wrap around hers, his fingers completely enveloping her arm.

"Let go!" she ordered, her lips pressing together as she fought against his touch, intent on escaping as quickly as possible, the sterile confines of her hospital room suffocating her, the smell of antiseptic repulsive and vile to her sensitive nose. Christ, where the hell was hospital security when a patient needed them?

Shaking his head, Aaron kept his hand firmly wrapped around her wrist while balancing his other hand on the other side of her, effectively caging her against the mattress. "Dammit, look at me, Emily!"

"I've seen and heard enough, Hotch," Emily muttered, closing her eyes as she tried to roll in the bed. But no matter what she tried, she couldn't make any progress, couldn't break the hold he had on her. Bitterly, she recognized that was nothing new. She'd been fighting that hold for years now. How many times had she tried to simply walk away, only to be drawn back against her will?

"Let me go or I swear I'll have you arrested for false imprisonment," she bit out angrily, her lips whitening with anger. "You have no right to do this!" she yelled. "You can't make me do this to myself!" she hissed, striking out, her nails scoring the side of his face as she fought like animal, trying desperately to escape a trap she'd stumbled into.

"The hell I can't," he returned, ignoring the sting of her nails scraping the side of her face as he kept his position. "This isn't something you can run from. I understand that's your natural instinct, but it won't work this time," he growled, manacling her other wrist and pinning her arms to the bed before she could do further damage to either of them.

"Bastard," she bit out, still trying to jerk from his grasp, silently cursing the weakness pervading her uncooperative limbs. This so-called treatment was rendering her as useless as a torn ragdoll and that was not how she wanted to live her life. She had a choice, didn't she? Where was her free will right now?

"Undeniably," Hotch agreed readily, his eyes darkening as he met hers again. "But I'm also the only one in this room that seems to have retained any semblance of sanity. You can't just leave, Emily. It isn't that simple," he ground out, worried he would hurt her when he was forced to tighten his grip as she bucked against the bed. If she would only focus a tenth of that energy toward her recovery, he'd be happy.

She was nothing if not to determined, however, and his words only seemed to incense her further.

"Watch me," Emily hissed, her eyes flashing dangerously as she glared up at him. "I want out of here. Now!"

"Emily, you need the treatment. Your chemotherapy is essential to a successful outcome," Hotch said calmly, his tone far more rational than the emotions roiling inside his chest. "The rational part of your mind knows this. I know you do."

"I don't want the treatment," Emily retorted, still grappling for freedom as she shifted wildly against the white sheets. "I want to go home. I want to be free of tubes and wires. This isn't how I want to die! Can't you understand that? Hooked up to all this crap...stuck in this uncomfortable bed in this cold room...the medicine making me so weak and nauseous that I can barely stand being conscious."

"It's temporary," Hotch reminded her gently, the fear in her voice evident to him even though she tried to hide it behind the anger. "You're going to get better."

"Stop it," Emily spat, blowing a strand of hair from her face with a violent breath. "Don't condescend to me. You don't know that. You get to stand there so arrogant and confident in your perfectly healthy body and tell me to fight while fucking poison drips into my veins," she said, reaching out a foot to kick at her iv stand, sending it crashing to the floor, the metallic sound vulgar in the small room. "Since when are you God?

"Inhaling deeply as he met her furious eyes, Hotch reminded himself that the doctor said patients sometimes exhibited this reaction. Emily was in fight or flight mode. For her very survival. And since he wasn't about to allow her to flee treatment, she had no choice but to fight him. Too tired to turn her rage on her illness, he'd instead become her target. And as long as he could keep her in the bed, he'd be her scapegoat as long as necessary.

"I'm not," he said softly, shaking his head, "I'm someone that cares deeply about you. Somebody that wants what's ultimately best for you."

"You think this is best?" Emily cried out, looking around the small room, her eyes wildly darting from machine to sterile walls. "You don't get to decide that, you self righteous son of a bitch! I can't breathe in here, Hotch! The walls are closing in on me. It's like a prison cell."

"Then we'll open a window. We'll see about getting a wheelchair and going outside for a few minutes," Hotch suggested, his agile mind searching frantically for some compromise they could make.

"God! You just refuse to hear me, don't you?" Emily sobbed, hot tears leaking from the corners of her eyes in spite of her best efforts to keep them hidden. "I don't want to go on a field trip. I want to go home! I want to die on my terms...not attached to all these monitors with all of you looking at me like I'm some kind of insect under a microscope."

"No one is looking at you that way," Hotch denied with a shake of his dark head, her tears nearly weakening his resolve.

"Liar!" Emily declared hoarsely, her body weakening quickly as she continued to struggle, her energy level fading faster than she ever remembered possible.

"You know I don't lie," Hotch soothed, releasing one of her arms to smooth her hair, disarrayed now, back from her sweating forehead, her exertions leaving her frail body breathless.

"I'm not a project!" Emily's dull black hair flew against the white pillowcase as she flinched away from his touch. "I'm definitely not your project. I don't want your pity. Please, Aaron," she whispered, meeting his eyes again as her thoughts shifted, "let me go."

"No."

"Damn you," she whispered, turning her face away from him. "I'd rather somebody pressed a gun to my head and pulled the trigger than die like this. It would be a hell of a lot more merciful than this."


	33. Chapter 33

_**A/N - Hello. We have exactly **__**THREE **__**days left to NOMINATE your favorite authors and stories in the second annual Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Awards hosted by "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. Random drawings for TWO $10.00 Amazon gift cards will be given to two lucky nominators. To be considered eligible, all you have to do is fill out a ballot in ten categories or more. Winners will be announced October 16, 2011! So **__**PLEASE**__**, take a trip to the forum and grab those ballots!**_

_**Also, sign-ups for the Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic exchange are up and running at the forum. Last year was super successful and we hope this year will be equally so. You have until October 31, 2011 to sign up at the forum. Details for both events are located there! Private message us with any questions!**_

_**And don't forget to friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" on Facebook. We've got a huge collection of talented authors and readers alike just waiting to chat.**_

* * *

**In Sunshine Or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty Three**

Watching Aaron stiffen at her hasty words, his face tightening angrily, Emily realized too late what she'd just said. "Aaron," she whispered, shaking her head apologetically, even as he leaned forward to grip her arms, pulling her upright in the bed.

"I doubt my late ex-wife would agree with you, Emily," Hotch bit out, his jaw clenching as he spoke. "In fact, I'm pretty sure if she'd had the option, she would have fought like hell. She had her chance robbed from her by a psycho. What the hell is your excuse?" he asked harshly.

"I'm sorry," Emily whispered shakily, her chest rising and falling quickly beneath her thin hospital gown. "Please," she murmured, trying to pull her arms from his grip, "You're hurting me, Aaron."

Swallowing hard, Hotch slowly loosened his grip on her wrists as he felt her arms start to relax. "I'm sorry," he apologized softly, keeping his fingers around her skin as he eased her back down on to the mattress below her. Waiting a moment, whether to recover his own sanity or to allow her to slow her ragged breathing, he did not know, he finally murmured, "There's a flaw in your logic, you know."

"I really can't believe you're going to pull out the regulation Aaron Hotchner now," Emily bit out, her breath catching in her chest as she tried to control the pounding of her heart. The rare display of raw emotion that had emerged between them diminishing as quickly as a flash fire, but leaving a scorched trail in its wake, she eyed him suspiciously, unsure where he was going to take his argument next.

Sweeping his thumb against her palm, he continued, ignoring her interruption, "You're assuming that death is your only option. It isn't, you know."

Emily turned her head away, unable to look into his knowing dark eyes for one further second. God knew, she didn't want to cause him any more pain that he'd already endured, but he wasn't fighting fair, using hope against her when the reality was so grim it nauseated her as much as the poison they pumped in her already battered body. "Until you're lying in this bed and having chemicals that would make Dr. Kevorkian proud dripping into your veins, then don't presume to lecture me on my decidedly uncertain future."

Watching as she closed her eyes, her eyelashes pressing tightly against her pale skin, he knew that she needed more help than he could possibly provide. But at that point, he also knew that there was no one else that she would even listen to…if he could call what was happening between them now listening. "It's not a lecture, Em. It's facts. And right now, you're believing a report you've not yet heard. No one, not your doctor, not one of our team members, or God himself, has showed up with a signed death warrant."

"Did you have cotton in your ears when the oncologist gave his prognosis, Aaron?" Emily asked bitterly. "My chances are negligible," she whispered hollowly, the doctor's monotone dialogue still ringing in her ears, taunting her...frightening her. "And that's at best."

"So, you're gonna rely on a bunch of statistical data and let it dictate your life?" Hotch asked irritably. "Since when do you let that kind of information make your decisions, Emily?"

"There comes a point when you have to recognize the truth for what it is," Emily replied, resigned to a fate she hadn't chosen. "And the truth is I'm dying. I can do that easily...and just let go. Or, I can torture myself with treatments that..."

"...that have a possibility of working," Aaron growled. "That offer you a chance at survival, Emily! If you won't think about yourself, why don't you try thinking about the rest of us for a moment? Which one of us do you think will survive losing you easiest?"

Without waiting for an answer, he barreled forward. "Will it be your best friend, JJ? Or maybe the young genius that thinks of you as his sister? Reid handles loss like a pro, doesn't he? Or perhaps it'll be Rossi. Losing the daughter he never had might just be his idea of a good time. Then again, there's Morgan," Hotch said relentlessly, hardening himself to the tears escaping her closed eyes. "You've only been his partner for six years...you'll be easy to replace..."

"Stop," Emily begged weakly, her fingers clenching tightly into the bleached white sheet.

"Or your mother?" Hotch said conversationally, gut clenching as he watched her glassy eyes open to stare at the ceiling. "Her only daughter's death wouldn't be a crippling blow, would it?" he asked, forcing his voice to remain emotionless. "Garcia?" he queried casually, his hands gripping the iron rails of her bed in a brutal grip. "She'd barely miss you after a few weeks, huh? Or maybe _me_," he sneered, hating himself for what he was about to do, but unable to find a better way.

"Don't!" Emily begged brokenly, hot tears sliding down her cheeks as she tightened her hands into fists against the bed.

"I mean, really, I've endured so many losses this one should barely register as a blip on my radar, right?" he questioned, his tone as conversational as he could possibly make it. "I can tell Jack that his Aunt Emily is just one more person that left him...only _she_ didn't have the _guts_ to fight to be with him!" he said, raising his voice above her cries.

"Bastard!" she sobbed, his final pointed remark finding its mark, piercing her heart. "You bastard!" she raged, struggling her way up from the mattress to strike at him weakly against his chest.

Catching her against him, Hotch kept his arms firmly around her as she struggled, her breath coming in small gasps as she whimpered against his throat, her blows landing slower now. "Which one, Emily? Who do you think could stand losing you?" he asked softly, threading his hands through her hair to gently cup her head against him.

"You think I want this?" she panted, her hands clutching his waist as she fought to control the rising panic in her chest his well-placed questions brought. "I don't! I don't want to die! I want a life! Kids. A family!" she choked, her nails digging into his skin through the soft cotton of his shirt. "I want all those things, Aaron! I don't want to leave anyone!"

Grimacing at the sheer terror emanating from her fragile voice, Aaron tightened his arms protectively around the frail woman in his arms. "Then fight," he said insistently. "There's not one damned person I named not willing to sacrifice _anything _in their power to help you, Emily. But you have to make the decision to fight for what you want if you want it badly enough."

Burying her face against him, Emily squeezed her eyes closed as tears still poured from her eyes. "I'm scared, Aaron," she confided, choking the words out against his body.

"So am I," he replied honestly, rocking her against him. "We all are, Emily. But you've got to let us in...let _me_ in. I'm not leaving you. I'm not walking away just because you decide you're done. I'm not going to quit goading and pushing you. I'm not giving up. And neither is anyone else that cares about you."

And as she rested against him, Emily began to believe, if only a little, that maybe he might have a point after all.

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_**PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO NOMINATE YOUR FAVORITE STORIES AND AUTHORS...TIME IS RUNNING OUT!**_


	34. Chapter 34

_**Author's Note: ATTENTION!**_** Several stories contending for nomination for the Profiler's Choice Awards hosted by Chit Chat on Author's Corner lack just ONE nomination. THIS IS THE LAST DAY THE NOMINATION PROCESS WILL BE OPEN. NOMINATIONS WILL CLOSE AT MIDNIGHT EDT ON OCTOBER 15, 2011(TODAY!) So, please, if you haven't already done so and would like to recognize your favorite stories and author's travel to the forum or our profile pages and pick up a nomination ballot. You still have several HOURS left.**

**Also, signups for the Christmas Fic Gift Exchange are still ongoing at the forum until 10/31/11. Please come on over and take a look. We'd love to see you all participate.**

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**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**In Sunshine Or In Shadow**

Leaning against the wall beside the coffee machine in the small waiting room on Emily's floor, JJ sniffled, wiping her cheeks and nose with a wad of tissue as she struggled to regain her composure. She knew her tears weren't going to solve a damn thing. But, damn, she just couldn't help herself any more. Too many setbacks in far too short an amount of time were taking their toll on each one of them.

And she was no exception, she thought as a fresh spate of moisture filled her watering eyes. Shoulder's shaking as she tried to keep her sobs quiet, she moved unsteadily toward one of the vinyl chairs in the empty room. She just needed a minute, the voice in her head soothed. A few uninterrupted seconds to catch her breath and refortify her defenses before she went back into Emily's hospital room.

Breathing deeply, she grimaced as the antiseptic smells nauseated her. Why the hell did everything in this place have to smell like it had been sterilized with bleach? Couldn't they at least camouflage the pungent aroma with something less noxious?

Shaking her head as she bit down on her lip, she chastised herself for even thinking the complaint. At least she got to leave this cold, daunting place every once in a while. Emily...she didn't get that option. What the hell right did she have to whine about the smell?

Lifting her arm, JJ glanced down at the slim gold watch encircling her wrist. She'd been gone almost a half hour. Guiltily, she gazed at the elevator. How wrong was it that she wanted to run toward it and escape this place that had become her best friend's prison?

It wasn't fair, she thought grimly. None of it. Emily was supposed to have years ahead of her before she should have even had to think about something as terrifying as cancer. Women their age were supposed to be looking for the ideal man...taking their professions by storm. They weren't supposed to be here, trapped in this clinical environment surrounded by machines and medications. They weren't supposed to be dependent on doctors and nurses to keep them alive.

Pausing in the open doorway of the waiting room as he caught sight of the familiar blonde head, David Rossi frowned. Hunched over, Jennifer Jareau appeared even more slender than she usually did. Even from this distance, he could tell that her cheeks were damp and the soggy tissues she held clenched in a tight fist informed him that she'd shed more than just a few tears.

Part of him was reluctant to intrude on her privacy, the profiler in him knowing that this unique woman did not share easily with anyone. Especially since it appeared that she'd been abandoned by her former lover when she'd needed him most. The more insistent part of his psyche...the part that despised the pain that lingered in her eyes...that abhorred seeing her sitting alone and defeated...that part of him demanded he stay.

Looking around the room and assuring that they were alone, Dave took a step inside, pulling the heavy wooden door closed behind him. People could just find another damned place to go for fifteen minutes, he thought grimly, twisting the silver lock.

Jerking her head up as she heard the click of a closing door, JJ's eyes widened as she met Dave's gaze. "Rossi!" she gasped, her spine stiffening as she realized she'd been caught crying. Damn, she thought frantically, of all the people she never wanted to see while feeling weak, he was near the top of the list. Not because he'd judge her...Dave would never do that , she knew. But because his opinion mattered to her...far more than she wanted to admit.

"Jen," Dave said softly, eyes shifting from her face to the used tissues. "You okay?"

"I'm..."

"If you use the word fine, I won't be held responsible for my actions," he warned teasingly. "I think I've heard that word used by every member of our team at least seven times today already and it's been a lie each and every time," he continued, lowering himself into the seat beside her. "None of us are fine."

Dropping her head, JJ stared at the clump of tissues she held blindly. He was right. She wasn't fine. Fine wasn't even in her area code anymore. She couldn't even begin to describe what she was to him. Hell, she didn't know herself. All she knew was that she felt entirely helpless...useless in the battle for Emily's life. Swallowing hard, JJ whispered, "She's giving up, Dave."

Lips twitching from side to side as JJ's words hung in the air, he inhaled deeply. "She's scared."

JJ could only nod, her eyes clouding again. "Yes."

"When we're afraid, sometimes it's easier to concede defeat than to fight. Emily has to find her strength. It's our job to help her. Hell, it's our job to bully her, if necessary. Somehow, we have to help Em find that inner fortitude that she doesn't realize she has yet. It's just going to take time."

Swallowing hard, JJ whispered, "I don't understand how I can convince her that she's strong enough when I'm not sure I am, Dave. We could lose her here. For good. And..." JJ croaked, her voice breaking as the tears she'd been trying to stem began to flow unchecked again. "And...I don't think I can lose anyone else. I just...can't," she confided, a sob rising in her throat.

Jaw clenching as he heard her finally release the harsh cry she'd been holding back, Dave wrapped an arm around her, pulling her stiffened body against his. Burying his nose in her soft hair as she shook against him, her tears unrestrained now, he wondered just exactly how much of this was Emily's tragedy and how much of it was JJ's own.

There was something about the dissolution of her own relationship with Will LaMontagne that she wasn't saying, but anytime he'd tried to broach the subject, he'd watched as she lowered an invisible wall between them. And as much as he hated to take advantage of her when her defenses were lowered, he knew, in order to help her, he needed the facts.

Pressing his lips to her hair, Dave whispered, "Sweetheart, this isn't all about Emily. It's time to tell somebody what's really going on."


	35. Chapter 35

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**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

"What?" JJ sniffled, wiping her wet cheeks with trembling fingers as she felt Dave's too knowing gaze on her face. "Of course it is," she objected weakly as she shook her head, clearing her throat.

"Jen, hasn't anyone ever told you to never lie to a profiler?" Dave queried softly, his warm hand contracting around her shoulder gently when she stiffened and would have bolted.

"You aren't supposed to profile your friends," JJ muttered, wiping her nose as she avoided his eyes.

Ignoring her not so subtle accusation, Dave slid his hand from her shoulder to her arm and pulled her against his side. "Who did you lose, Jen? Having a guy walk out on you wouldn't do this to you. What happened?" he whispered, rubbing his palm against her chilled skin.

Biting her lip uncertainly as her throat clogged with unshed tears again, JJ lowered her head. "Before Will left...I...I...," she choked, twisting the handkerchief he'd given her between her nervous hands.

Dave frowned, growing concerned. "You what, sweetheart?"

"I miscarried," she whispered brokenly, forcing the words she hadn't said to anyone past her lips.

Jaw dropping slightly as he absorbed this new knowledge, Dave blinked. "You were pregnant?"

Nodding mutely, JJ struggled to breathe. "I didn't want to be," she confided raggedly, hating herself for saying the words. "Will and I were already having problems. We hadn't touched each other in months, but...as the saying goes, it only takes once. I was going to have it, though," she said frantically, turning to look at Dave, her eyes begging him to understand. "But...," she paused, her breath hitching in her chest.

"JJ," Dave said calmly, settling a hand over the nape of her neck and massaging gently, "It's okay, honey. Just take a deep breath."

Pulling in a tight breath, JJ tried to focus on the sound of his voice, the feel of his warm skin resting against hers. "Will and I...we had another fight a few weeks after I found out," she confided huskily, wiping a stray tear off her cheek. "He...he'd found my prescription for pre-natal vitamins in my purse." She shook her head, trying to erase the memories.

"He didn't know?" Dave asked gently.

"Not until then. He was furious." She shuddered, remembering the rage that had contorted his face that night. "He didn't want another child any more than I did. He said that I was already proving to be a lousy mother...always gone on some case or another...always putting everything else above my family. He said he was tired of feeling like the only person in our relationship."

Jaw clenching as he watched JJ try to gather herself together, Dave asked, his voice deceptively soft, "Did he touch you?"

"God, no!" JJ exclaimed, lifting horrified eyes to Dave's face. "No!" She shook her head as she tried to make him understand. "He stormed out, Dave. That's all."

Nodding slowly, Dave urged, "Keep going, Jen. You need to talk about it." And he needed to hear it, he added silently to himself, no matter how much it was going to hurt them both.

"About an hour after Will stormed off, I started cramping," JJ divulged, gesturing helplessly, her hand collapsing back against her lap. "I thought it was just my nerves. Our fighting had upset Henry and he'd been crying. I...I didn't realize what was happening until I started bleeding."

"Jesus, JJ, you were there by yourself with a baby?" Dave breathed, his heart breaking for the lovely young woman beside him as she simply nodded.

"I tried to call Will. I'm not sure if he was ignoring me or punishing me," JJ continued miserably, "but, he didn't answer. So, I bundled Henry up and dropped him off at the sitter, then I went to the hospital," she told him, swallowing hard. "When I came home the next morning," JJ offered sadly, "Will didn't even ask where I'd been. He just told me to get rid of it." Squeezing her eyes shut, JJ choked out, "And I told him that Mother Nature had already solved his problem. Then, I told him to get the hell out. Which he did." JJ shrugged as she tried to catch her breath. "Last I heard from one of the guys he used to work with, he's back in New Orleans. He hasn't even bothered calling to check on Henry."

Good, Dave thought grimly, it would save him the trouble of killing the bastard. "I don't think you need me to tell you that you're better off without a man like that in either of your lives, do I?" he asked softly.

"No," JJ said hoarsely, her throat suddenly tight and sore. "You don't. I'd known for awhile that it wasn't going to work. I think he did, too. I was trying to keep it together for Henry though," she continued wearily. "Great lot of good that did, wasn't it?"

"You tried," Dave murmured supportively, stroking her hair, "and that's a hell of a lot more than he did."

"I told him to go," JJ noted honestly, her eyes aching from the tears she'd shed.

"And he didn't waste any time getting the hell out, did he?" Dave snorted impatiently. Offering JJ a sidelong look, he said bluntly, "Jen, don't make excuses for the prick. He already had one foot out the fucking door. You choose handed him the excuse the coward needed."

"I suppose so," JJ sighed, leaning her head back against the wall, suddenly needing support to just hold up her head.

"I know so," Dave grunted, covering her hand with his. "Don't second guess the decision you made, JJ. Your gut told you that it wasn't working. And in my experience, the gut rarely lies."

"Rossi words of wisdom?" JJ asked with a faint smile.

"Something like that, babe," Dave remarked, turning his head to grin at her. "Suddenly, however, the fact that you've been existing on massive quantities of caffeine and nerves makes a lot more sense."

"Henry's getting adjusted. Slowly. This past month...it's been traumatic for him. The first couple of weeks Will was gone, he kept asking when his daddy was coming back..." she trailed off, biting her lower lip as she tried to control her emotions. "Now," she confessed huskily, "he just doesn't ask."

"Hotch may be a little preoccupied at the moment, but the rest of us guys can pick up the slack, Jen. Henry will be alright," Dave promised, making a mental vow to guarantee that fact. "How are you doing financially?" Dave asked with his typical lack of tact.

"We're fine, Dave," JJ said softly, averting her eyes for a moment as she tried to avoid his knowing gaze.

Raising an eyebrow, he replied, "Would you tell me if you weren't?"

Thinking about his question a moment, JJ slowly nodded, overcoming her earlier embarrassment. "If it meant Henry's well-being, I would."

"Good," Dave replied, satisfied with her answer. It was direct and truthful, two of the qualities he admired most about her. Sitting in companionable silence a few more minutes, Dave squeezed her hand. "Do you feel better, Jen?"

Considering his question a moment, JJ realized that she felt somehow lighter...like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. And with a very slow nod, JJ whispered, "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do."


	36. Chapter 36

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* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Standing on her small porch outside the wooden front door, JJ couldn't help but smiling as she heard the sound of laughter coming from the other side. "Sounds like the boys are having a good time," she murmured as Dave returned her smile.

Chuckling himself, Dave replied as he watched JJ easily slide her key into place, "From what I'm hearing, Garcia and Morgan may be the ones enjoying themselves."

The lock clicked loudly then, and the door swung wide, revealing a scene that was vaguely reminiscent of a warped Norman Rockwell painted.

"Look, Henry," Garcia trilled to the little boy in her arms as she grinned up at the newcomers, "It's Momma and Uncle Dave!"

The little boy laughed and lunged for JJ just then, and she easily caught him as they stepped inside the brightly lit living room. "Hey, little one," she whispered as she hugged her son tightly, breathing deeply as she drew some warmth from his small body.

"Me and Henry been playin' hide an' seek with Unca Morgan!" Jack Hotchner declared loudly from his perch on the top of JJ's couch. Pointing toward the blanket covered lump on the floor, he whispered loudly, "He's not real good at the hidin' part, but Aunt Penny said we hadda p'etend we couldn't see 'im."

"That's what the adults do all the time, son," Dave replied drily as he kicked at the man hiding under the cover.

"Ouch!" Morgan snorted as he threw off the blanket, glaring up at Rossi. "Man, you did that on purpose!"

"Prove it," Dave yawned, shrugging his broad shoulders. "Tell me there's coffee someplace around here," he begged with a beseeching look at JJ.

"I just put on a fresh pot when you called earlier, Peaches," Garcia smiled widely, reaching up and tickling Henry's belly as she climbed back to her feet.

"I can get it, Pen," JJ replied, turning toward her kitchen as Dave captured her arm.

"I can get it," Dave negated her with a shake of his head, arching one brow as he pointed toward the couch, "You need to sit down for awhile. You've had a long day at the hospital."

"Who's taking night shift tonight?" Garcia asked, propping one hand on her hip as she looked around the room.

"Reid and the Ambassador are staying with Hotch tonight," Dave called from the kitchen, pouring two steaming cups from the coffeemaker on the counter. "You two," he said, pointing at Morgan and Garcia over the counter, "are to go home and grab some shuteye."

Stretching his back, Morgan nodded. "You won't hear me arguing. These two little joys really know how to suck the energy out of a body," he commented, leaning over the couch to ruffle Jack's hair.

"Am I stayin' over t'night, Aunt JJ?" Jack asked curiously as he swatted at his uncle's hand.

"Yep!" JJ nodded, smiling down at the little boy that had become a part of her family. "Your daddy is going to come take you to school in the morning though, okay?"

"It's okay. Is Aunt Em'ly gettin' lots better?" Jack asked hopefully, his dark eyes serious as he studied his Aunt's face.

"She's getting stronger every day, son," Dave answered when JJ swallowed hard. Pressing the mug into her cold hand, he winked at the youngster. "But unless I'm getting really old and senile, I'd say it's past both of you boys' bedtime, isn't it?"

"Awwww," both boys whined in unison.

"Jack, honey, you have school tomorrow, and you need to be rested." JJ shook her head as the two boys stuck out their lower lips. "And you, my son, get to go to daycare, remember?"

"And since they've both already had baths and are squeaky clean and their teeth have been brushed and sparkle, sparkle, I'd say both my little lovelies are ready to go see the Sandman," Garcia agreed, turning to smile at her nephews. "And if they're extra special good tonight, tomorrow I'll bring some fingerpaints and we can paint Aunt Emily some pretty pictures!"

"Oh, boy," Morgan groaned unenthusiastically, earning an elbow in the ribs from Garcia and a glare from JJ.

"Cool!" Jack whooped before turning toward his two-year-old companion. "C'mon, Henry! Last one to the bunk beds has to sleep in the bottom bunk!"

Laughing as the boys raced toward Henry's bedroom, JJ dropped her head back against the sofa. "Where do they get their energy?"

"I don't know, but I sure as hell want that dealer's name," Morgan grunted, meeting Dave's eyes. "So, tell the truth. How are things?"

Staring down at her hands, JJ shook her head wordlessly. "Tonight was pretty bad. Emily and Hotch had words," JJ murmured with a sigh.

"Words? About what?" Garcia asked, her eyes widening as her head spun quickly.

"Emily wanted to quit treatment and go home," Dave replied evenly. "She and Aaron went head to head over it. Aaron won," he surmised, his voice unconcerned.

"He's leaving out a few things, but Hotch did convince Emily to continue treatment," JJ said slowly, glancing up at Dave, her eyes meeting his.

"So, basically Hotch bullied Em into doing..." Garcia began worriedly, twisting her fingers together in that way she always did when she was nervous.

"...what was best for her," Dave supplied darkly, shaking his head.

"Don't you think maybe the Boss Man is being a little too harsh with our sick angel?" Garcia asked, obviously disturbed as she imagined her friend lying in the hospital bed. "She's ill, guys! And she's terrified."

Leaning forward, Dave met Garcia's apprehensive gaze. Drawing in a deep breath, he said kindly but calmly, "Listen, Kitten, all of us are aware of how serious Em's condition is. But, you have to understand that if she stops chemo...just quits treatment...she's going to die. It's not a question of if...it's a question of when. Yeah, Hotch was tough on her tonight. She got upset...there were tears...it wasn't a pleasant experience for either of them. But the bottom line is that he succeeded. There's a time to be supportive, Sweetheart. And then, there comes a time when supportive comes in the form of a kick in the ass. Tonight, Emily needed the former rather than the latter."

"I hope you're right about that, Superagent," Garcia replied anxiously, biting her lower lip as she tapped her fingers against her arm.

"He is," JJ agreed with Dave softly, reaching out to pat Penelope's hand. "The one thing we all know about Emily is that she respects honesty above anything else. And, cold as it was, Hotch was honest with her tonight. He got through to her, Pen."

"She needed a reality check, Garcia," Dave added gently, taking a sip of his steaming coffee. "Believe me, Aaron didn't derive any pleasure in what he had to do. As a matter of fact, he's probably hating himself about right now even though he knows what he did was necessary. But, we're all going to have to be willing to do whatever is necessary to give Emily the strength she needs to fight this thing."

"Mama," Derek soothed, rubbing Garcia's tense back as he pulled her closer, "You know Hotch has our girl's best interests at heart. We gotta trust him."

"I know that," Penelope sighed, leaning her head against Derek's strong shoulder. "I don't have to like it, though."

"None of us like it," Dave said as he shook his head. "But I'll be damned if I can condemn him for it, either. Especially when it worked," he emphasized. Seeing the chorus of nods, Dave sighed. "Batten down the hatches, folks. The days are gonna get a lot longer and a lot darker before it's over. This battle is a marathon. Not a sprint. Go home, get some sleep. Because tomorrow, we gotta do it all again."

And as the occupants of the room exchanged worried glances, the truth truly began to sink in.

This battle was only just beginning.

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**Please drop a line and let us know your thoughts!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Author's Note: Don't forget to sign up for the 2012 Valentine's Challenge at Chit Chat on Author's Corner if you are interested. Because the forums still aren't working, feel free to email (private message) your desire to participate to either hxchick or myself.**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

Aaron glanced worriedly over at the woman at his side, his hand tightening around her fragile arm as she teetered unsteadily beside him. Her lips were pressed tightly together, her brow furrowed. "Emily, I wish you'd have let me…."

Rolling her eyes as she reached for the doorknob to her condo front door. "I told you I was more than capable of walking into my home under my own power, Hotch. I'm not going to faint away after ten steps, you know." Although, she really hadn't expected that few steps to cost her so much energy. Weeks spend on her back had definitely taken a toll on her battered body, and her slightly winded words obviously weren't doing much to convince him that he shouldn't have carried her inside as he'd suggested a few moments ago. The grim set of his mouth told her so.

"Couldn't prove that by me," Aaron muttered under his breath, catching her other arm as she swayed slightly walking across the threshold.

Shaking off his touch, Emily straightened her shoulders as she stepped into her brightly lit kitchen. No matter how tired her body might be, she refused to allow herself to give into the pain right now. Her smile widened as she glanced around the one place that had been her sanctuary for so many years. There was no hospital bed or metal trays or IV poles in sight.

She was home. Finally.

Swallowing hard, she realized that she'd never really expected to return here again. She'd been prepared to lose the battle that she'd already been waging for close to a month. But, somehow, against the odds, she'd made it back. But the war was far from over.

She'd take what she could get, though, and be grateful for it.

A deep voice interrupted her thoughts just then, and Emily turned quickly toward the sound.

"It's about time you two got here," David Rossi said gruffly as he rounded the corner from the hallway. "Didn't you leave the hospital an hour ago?"

JJ stepped out from behind him, swatting his shoulder as she passed. "Leave them alone, Dave. All that matters is that Emily's home now." Smiling widely at her friend, JJ stepped quickly into the kitchen and wrapped Emily in a soft hug. "Welcome home, sweetie," she murmured as she smiled against Emily's hair.

"Thanks," Emily sighed, returning the embrace. "And as for being late, blame Mr. Anal Retentive over there," she complained, flashing Hotch an irritated look. "He insisted we stop by the pharmacy and fill all the prescriptions the doctor gave me."

"Something you'll be appreciative I did when the pain meds they gave you begin to wear off," Hotch replied evenly, dropping the plain white sack on the granite top counter before shrugging out of his jacket and draping it over the back of a kitchen chair. "Let's get you settled, Emily," he suggested, catching her arm again as Dave and JJ ushered her into the living room.

"I don't want to get settled." Emily shook her head, looking around at the familiar furniture of her living room. Somehow, it all seemed different now. After weeks away, she needed to reacquaint herself with her home. "And I want to change out of these clothes," she muttered, glaring down at the clothes Hotch had given her to wear home. "Why did you let him pick out my outfit?" Emily asked JJ, glaring down at the outdated sweats she wore.

Rolling his eyes at Emily's question, Hotch shook his head. "The nurse said to bring you something loose and comfortable. You're lucky you didn't walk out wearing a robe."

"At least my robe has a little color in it," Emily grumbled, glaring down at the too large navy FBI sweats she wore. "Seriously," she said with a beseeching look at JJ, "never let him help dress me again, okay?"

"Deal," JJ agreed solemnly, shooting Hotch an amused look. "Want me to help you find something else?" she asked.

Shaking her head, Emily smiled. "No, I'm okay. I'll be back out in a few minutes," she said, moving slowly toward the hallway.

"Are you sure..." Hotch worried, moving to follow her.

"Take one more step and I'll find wherever the hell you all have stashed my service weapon and shoot you with it," Emily threatened, her eyes flashing as she shot him a glare over her shoulder.

"Oh, yeah," Dave murmured as he smirked, leaning a hip against the sofa. "She's feeling better. Threatening murder and mayhem already," he added, grinning at JJ.

Nodding, JJ watched as Emily disappeared down the hallway, releasing a relieved breath. "Have you told her yet?" she murmured quietly to Hotch.

Shifting guiltily on his feet, Hotch dropped his gaze to the carpet.

"You haven't?" Dave hissed, his eyebrows shooting up toward the ceiling. "Are you insane?"

"There was never really a good time to bring it up," Hotch muttered, flushing.

"Never a good...are you insane?" JJ whispered violently. "You've moved in here and she doesn't KNOW?" she hissed, gesturing wildly down the hall. "You're dead! She's going to murder you in cold blood!"

"Grab you coat, JJ," Dave ordered as he shook his head. "I don't wanna be here to witness the fallout when this shit hits the fan," he continued with a ferocious look at Aaron.

"Hey, what happened to presenting a united front?" Aaron yelped with soft indignance.

"We were here to support you," JJ retorted, shaking her head frantically. "Not to take the fall for you!"

"I'm sure that once we explain our reasoning to Prentiss that she'll see the wisdom behind our decision," Hotch returned with a calm he wasn't particularly feeling.

"Your decision," Dave corrected darkly. "We," he said, gesturing between himself and JJ, "said this was a fool's mission. Didn't we?" he asked JJ.

"We did," JJ agreed ardently as she heard a door open at the back of the house. "She's coming!" Squeezing her eyes closed at she heard Emily opening and closing doors as she walked down the hallway, JJ held her breath as she listened to Emily open another doorway.

And then all three colleagues heard her mutter the magic phrase of the day.

"What the hell?"

"We need to go!" Dave mumbled, pulling on JJ's arm as he tried to urge her toward the door.

"Nobody move," Emily's voice ordered at the top of her lungs. "Not one single muscle."

"I think she knows," JJ sighed, dropping heavily to the couch as Dave groaned behind her. "You're so busted," she grimaced at Hotch.


	38. Chapter 38

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* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

Her eyes narrowing as she walked into her living room, Emily Prentiss demanded with a controlled voice, "Does someone want to tell me exactly why my guest room has become a shrine to all things baseball? Did I sublet to the Washington Nationals while I was in the hospital and someone forgot to tell me?"

"That's not all you weren't told," Dave muttered under his breath, ducking backwards as JJ swatted hard at his abdomen.

"Now would be a good time to read me in," Emily warned as she crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot impatiently against the hardwood floor. Noticing the dark glares that JJ and Rossi were aiming in Hotch's direction, she swiveled her head toward the man of the moment, also. "It looks like you're the ring leader of this little invasion, Aaron. Start talking or I start yelling. Your choice."

"It's not an invasion, Emily," Hotch countered with an even voice, shaking his head. Hearing her doubtful huff in response, he continued quickly, "It's more of a mutual sharing of space."

"Mutual would imply that both parties agreed before the deed was done," Emily retorted immediately, her nostrils flaring as she tried to control her thoughts. She knew Aaron Hotchner, and she knew his expressions. And the one she was seeing right now was his "stubborn and superior" look that never boded well for her.

"Emily, you're going to need some help over the next several months," Aaron began calmly, silently damning David Rossi to hell as he began pulling JJ toward the door. "We ALL thought the easiest thing to do would be..."

"To completely disregard whatever opinion I might have on the matter and simply take over?" Emily asked sarcastically, shifting her gaze to JJ. "Were you in on this? Because I happen to know for a fact that Henry's bedroom's theme is Toy Story. And I didn't see a Buzz Lightyear or Woody one on the walls."

"I...well," JJ floundered, a slow flush climbing her neck as she felt Emily's laser-like eyes burning into her.

"It was his idea," Dave stated immediately, stepping in front of JJ to jab a finger toward Hotch. "And honestly, it sounded like a good one to me at the time," he offered when Em's icy eyes turned on him. "Although," he said, smacking the back of Aaron's head sharply, "I DID assume he was going to tell you BEFORE he moved in, lock, stock and barrel."

"He was supposed to tell you," JJ added helpfully, leaning around Dave to shoot Emily an apologetic look.

"Well, you can just take your lock, your stock, and your barrel and get it the hell out of my house," Emily declared vehemently, directing her fury back on the target of her wrath.

"Too late," Hotch replied simply as he shrugged. "I already gave up the lease on my place. It was too small anyway," he noted, almost carelessly. "Unless you want Jack and me in the street, you'll just have to wrap your head around having a roommate during your recovery."

"Fine," Emily said sweetly, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, refusing to acknowledge exactly how tired she was. "I love Jack. Jack can stay! You can live in a cardboard box by the mailbox," she seethed. "Or the dumpster. It has a view of the alley."

"Would you rather we have hired a nurse? That was one of your options. Or, perhaps, your mother. You two could have continued bonding," Hotch retorted, bristling at her anger. Perhaps, he could have handled this situation better, but for the love of God, he'd been trying to help. His lease had been set to expire next month anyway. Living here and helping her while searching for a larger place seemed like a rational decision when he'd made it. Consulting with her prior would have only led to more arguments she didn't have the energy to have.

"Leave Mother out of this," Emily stated flatly. "It's only because you helped me convince her to return to her duty station that I'm letting you continue to breathe right now." Blowing her hair out of her face as she suddenly felt her legs weakening, she reached for the back of a chair, steadying herself. Damn it, when would she be able to have a sparring match again without having to take a timeout?

"Emily, sit down," Hotch said softly, reaching her side in two seconds flat and gripping her arm gently. "You can yell at me just as effectively from the recliner," he murmured, urging her forward and into the comfortable chair in front of them.

"And I will," Emily nodded, her head swimming for a moment. "Just as soon as I catch my breath."

Exchanging a look with Dave, JJ moved quickly forward. "Emily, are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"I still have cancer and have now had my life taken over by the FBI's answer to Adolph," Emily grumbled, jerking her head toward Aaron, "So, no, I'm not fine, Jayje, but I'll live. If only to kick somebody's ass."

Swallowing a chuckle, JJ nodded. "Okay. As much as I'd like to stay and watch this battle of iron wills unfold, I need to pick up Henry from daycare and he," she said, gesturing toward Dave, "is my ride. Will you be okay here? Because if you're serious about throwing Hotch out..."

Sighing heavily as she saw the indecision flashing in her friend's eyes, Emily shook her head. "He can stay. For TONIGHT," she said with a pointed look at Aaron. "We'll figure something out."

"Okay," JJ nodded, straightening. Looking at Hotch, JJ said, "You know I'm just a phone call away. All of us are. You'll call if anything..."

"Everything's going to be fine, JJ. Let Dave get you and Henry home," Hotch offered gently, knowing his other agent was facing crisis of her own.

"I'll call you later tonight," JJ murmured to Emily, squeezing her hand quickly before turning to walk to the door.

Opening the door for JJ, Dave met Hotch's gaze. "Call me later if she lets you live," he ordered before following JJ out the door, closing it behind him with a click.

Staring at the closed door, Emily held up a finger when Hotch would have spoken. "Whatever you're going to say, just don't. Sit down," she said, pointing at the sofa across from her.

Sighing, Hotch moved to the sofa, unwilling to begin an argument over something as arbitrary as a request for him to sit down.

Waiting until he'd leaned back against the cushions, Emily lifted her chin. "I don't like being managed, Aaron," she said softly, her eyes focused on him as she spoke. "The cancer did not affect my ability to make decisions. It's not an excuse you can use to go around me and make choices that have a direct impact on my life."

"Emily -"

Holding up a hand in a gesture for silence, she shook her head. "Please don't interrupt me. I'm not a fool, Hotch, despite what it may appear. I realize that I couldn't stay here alone. And as hard as this is for me to say, you're right. I wouldn't have wanted a nurse. And I sure as hell wouldn't want my mother, well intentioned as she is. But you? Have you stopped to consider how this is going to look?"

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please drop us a line and tell us your thoughts!**


	39. Chapter 39

_**Author's Note: Hi, ya'll. There are so many exciting things going on over at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum this week! First, we have a brand new April challenge up for those that wish to participate. All the details can be found there, but basically, sign up to write your favorite character. You'll be assigned a random Original Character to pair them with in some capacity. For example, sign up with "David Rossi" and you might be assigned the OC of the second Mrs. David Rossi. Sign-ups are through March 31,2012.**_

_**Also, there's a brand new "Author of the Week" thread and this week our spotlight is on the fabulous Ren Kayashima. And, we've added a new discussion thread, "The OCs of Criminal Mind" for productive conversation regarding original characters.**_

_**Fortune Cookie Friday prompts are up for your consideration. And, we'd still like to hear from you on the idea of a Criminal Minds Fanfiction Reading Day. The idea is to choose one Sunday a month to set aside for reading and reviewing the many fantastic stories in the CM fandom. Swing by and comment on any of our discussion threads. We'd love to have you.**_

_**And a supersized thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and/or alerting our work. We appreciate each one of you. Feel free to friend us on facebook at either "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" or "Tonnie Fanfiction". We've got several fun things going on there too and a whole host of uber-talented author and reader friends chatting.**_

_**As always, Happy Reading!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

"I don't care," Aaron declared flatly, his voice emotionless as he made the simple statement. And honestly, he didn't. Right now, Emily's health and well-being surpassed any need for the protocol the Bureau might spout at them. Her needs, both physical and emotional were his primary concern.

And for the first time in his career he was entirely prepared to tell whoever felt courageous enough to recite Bureau regulations to him to go to hell.

He'd played by the rules all his life, carefully adhering to the policies in place despite what was best for him...despite what he felt in his gut...despite what his heart wanted. Emily's near-miss had put more than a few things in perspective these last weeks. And while he knew she wasn't out of the woods and had miles to go before they could all exhale, he finally knew what he wanted.

Not that he was ready to share those desires with her yet. Not now. Not when she'd attribute anything he said to the sheer emotional magnitude bearing down on each of them. Her cancer was already an albatross weighing heavily on her soul. He refused to burden her with his feelings as well.

But he also refused to budge on his position either. The Bureau could go to hell if it had a problem with the decision he'd made.

"You don't care?" Emily echoed disbelievingly, her eyes widening on Aaron's stoic face. "Mr. "I Never Met a Bureau Rule I Wouldn't Follow"?" she mocked, leaning her head back against her chair and eyeing him warily. "You sure that you aren't the one that's sick, Hotch?"

Hotch shrugged. "All rules have exceptions."

"Even if you just happen to make them up yourself, huh?" Emily snickered, watching him closely for signs of discomfort. She hadn't asked him for this, but she knew it wasn't a decision he'd made lightly. Especially since his choice was for his son as well. "What does Jack think of all of this?"

"Honestly?" Hotch asked with a faint smile.

"Of course," Emily returned, yawning slightly as she settled deeper in the chair.

"I think his words were, 'Dad! It's gonna be like the world's longest slumber party! Cool!'" Hotch quoted, mimicking his son's excitement as he jabbed both thumbs in the air.

Choking on her laughter at Aaron's uncharacteristic theatrics, Emily shook her head. "Spoken like a kid with his priorities in check,." Grinning weakly, she dropped her head back against the soft top of the recliner. "Seriously though," Emily said softly, her eyes somber as she met Hotch's gaze, "Are you sure you want to expose him to...well...this?" she asked, gesturing at her own thinning body weakly.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked, his brows drawing together as he watched Emily's face flush.

"I mean," Emily said quietly, "That it is a miracle I got out of the hospital, Aaron. I could still...this still might not have a successful outcome," she managed to articulate thickly, unable to hold his stare as she spoke.

"You can't think like that," Hotch replied determinedly, shaking his head. "Emily, you made it home," he continued steadfastly, leaning forward and resting his hands on his knees. "Do you even realize what a huge accomplishment that was?"

"I do," Emily agreed softly. "It doesn't change the fact that this can and probably will get much worse before it gets any better. Do you want Jack to see that, Aaron? I'll be sick...my hair will most likely fall out. I'm going to be skeletal. You've already seen what a number this chemotherapy does to me and we've barely started."

"Trying to scare me off, Em?" Aaron asked, lifting one brow. "Because your words sound an awful lot like a challenge. Like you're throwing down a gauntlet."

"You may not believe this, but I'm not trying to. At least not this time," she amended when she saw him purse his lips. "I'm honestly just thinking about Jack now. Do you really want him to see me like that?"

"Do you really think that he'll go months until you're fully recovered before he sees you again?" Hotch countered instantly. "Jack is a strong boy and we can explain things to him as it becomes necessary."

"He is strong," Emily agreed huskily. "And he's already seen more tragedy in his young life than any kid should be exposed to experiencing. I don't want to inflict any more damage or trauma on him."

"Emily, I hear you," Hotch nodded somberly. "But we can't protect him from life. I tried and failed at that once already. You aren't saying anything that I haven't turned over in my mind dozens of times. You're an integral part of my son's life. Disappearing isn't the answer."

"Maybe not, but I'm not sure that this," she said, nodding down at her body, "is, either. I just want to protect him, Hotch."

"I know you do," Aaron acknowledged softly. "Listen, when and if you hit a rough patch in the road, Dave, JJ, Garcia...all the team are prepared to step in. Whether it's taking Jack or staying with you...we'll figure it out. We always do, don't we?" he asked on a sigh.

"I never wanted anyone to rearrange their life for me, Hotch," Emily whispered, closing her eyes as weariness flooded her body. "I didn't ask anyone to do that."

"You didn't need to ask. Everyone concerned has a choice, Emily. We've all chosen you," Hotch told her as he shrugged. "I suggest you wrap your mind around that. It'll make things a lot easier for all of us, yourself included."

Cracking one eyelid, Emily warned, "If I get through this..."

"When," Hotch corrected sternly, "WHEN you get through this."

"Fine," Emily muttered, rolling her eyes, "When I get through this, I'm going to remember everything you said. And then, I'm going to kick your ass for it. Or shoot you," she grumbled. "IF anybody ever tells me where my firearm is."

Lips twitching, Hotch schooled his face back into a bland expression quickly. "Dave thought it might be best for my safety if we removed your Glock from the home. For some reason, he suspected that at some point you might become slightly..."

"Homicidal?" Emily asked dryly.

"I was going to say emotional, but your word works, too,' Hotch replied evenly.

"God save me from well intentioned friends," Emily sighed, closing her eyes and allowing herself to finally rest.

After all, Aaron was there to take care of anything might happen, wasn't he?


	40. Chapter 40

_**Author's Note: Oh, so many exciting tidbits to share with all of you today! First, who doesn't like a chance to win free stuff? I know I do! And that's what Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum's new "Pay It Forward Review Incentive Program" is ALL about! Reviewers get the chance to win an Amazon Gift Card for themselves AND an author for a story that they review! Cool, huh? Details can be found at the forum thread! Please, check it out! April will have TWO drawings…that's a total of four giftcards up for grabs, folks! This month the thread is focusing on ANY story in which HOTCH is a primary character! It's DEFINITELY worth a look.**_

_**We also have several new threads designed to help readers and authors, alike. Check out the "Morsels for the Muse" thread for some creative inspiration AND our thread called "Facebook Happenings!" to find out what current fun activities are ongoing in that arena! ALSO, we have a wonderful spotlight on Author of the Week, ficdirectory. Pop by and ask a question. She's super excited to hear from you!**_

_**As always, we appreciate everyone that continues to read, review and favorite our stories. It's a pleasure to write for you. Thanks for being so awesome to us!**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty**

Cracking her tired eyelids as she heard the front door of her apartment open and close, Emily Prentiss blinked against the hazy beams of sunlight streaming through her open window. Lifting a hand to block out the glare as her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she smiled as she heard Jack Hotchner calling excitedly, "Aunt Em'ly! Aunt Em'ly!" as he ran down the hallway toward her bedroom.

Adjusting the blanket over her thin body as he ran through the open doorway, she smiled. "Hey, Buddy!" she exclaimed, struggling to scoot up against the headboard. "How are you?" she smiled as he rushed toward her.

"Jack!" Hotch said sternly, following his son quickly into the room and snagging his arm before he could barrel into Emily. "What did we talk about, Son? You've got to be easy around Emily for a while."

Vibrating with excitement as he looked up into Aaron's set face, Jack grimaced. "Sorry, Daddy," he apologized.

Frowning at Hotch, Emily shook her head. "I'm okay, Jack. Come here and give me a hug," she invited softly, watching as the youngster approached her somewhat more sedately and wrapped a careful arm around her neck.

"I'm so 'cited you're home, Aunt Em'ly," he said, squeezing her neck tightly. "I was worried! You all better now?"

"Not yet, baby." Emily shook her head, burying her nose in Jack's soft hair. "Why don't you climb up here in bed with me while your dad goes and gets you an after school snack?" she suggested, patting the mattress beside her. "I was just about to watch Sponge Bob," she added, winking at him as he drew back.

"Emily, I'm not sure…" Hotch began worriedly as his son clamored up on the bed beside her.

"We're _fine_, Hotch," Emily said meaningfully, her eyes shooting him a look filled with unspoken threats. "Jack and I want a snack," she advised him narrowly as she wrapped an arm around the boy's thin shoulders and tugged him against her side.

"Are you sure…" Hotch frowned, watching as Jack leaned his head against Emily's arm.

"Apples, daddy," Jack requested, his eyes widening. "Peeled, please," he added hopefully.

"Go," Emily mouthed, nodding toward the door as his eyes darkened with concern.

"I'll just be a minute," Aaron grumbled, quickly heading toward the kitchen with one last glance into the room.

Waiting until he was out of earshot, Emily looked down at Aaron's miniature. "So, you've been worried, huh?"

"Uh huh." Jack nodded before tilting his head, his hair falling over his forehead. "The growed ups been whispering lots, Aunt Em'ly. I was scared you was going 'way like Mommy did. Daddy looked sad like then, too," he confided, his eyes shining with child-like innocence as he stared up at her.

"Well," Emily replied slowly, measuring her words, "I've been pretty sick, sweetie. But I'm trying real hard to get better." Watching as his little face scrunched with anxiety, she gave him another weak squeeze. "But none of that is something you need to be worried about, okay?"

"I loves you," Jack stated simply, the image of his resolute father. "I'm gonna worry. 'Specially since I heard Uncle Derek say that you had an op'ration. Did it hurt? Daddy 'splained that they had to go inside you and get all the boo boos out."

Smiling, Emily nodded. "That's exactly right," she acknowledged softly. "Now, I've got to take lots of medicine so that the boo boos don't sneak back inside me."

"Daddy said the medicine might make you feel yucky," Jack said, his mouth twitching from side to side. "It don't seem fair that something to make you better makes you sick first," he said innocently as he shook his head.

"I couldn't agree more," Emily laughed, pressing a kiss to his head. "But sometimes you gotta wade through a lot of dirt before you can find the flowers. My grandmother used to tell me that," she sighed, leaning her head against the pillow.

"Neat." Jack grinned. "What's that, Aunt Em'ly?" he asked, pointing to the black bag resting near her waist.

"That," Emily answered, "is my medicine. See," she said, unzipping the pouch and showing him the clear bag inside. "This is the tube that is connected to me," she explained, showing him the tubing running into her central line. It's sort of like an IV. It goes all the time for about a day."

"Into your veins?" Jack asked curiously.

"Uh huh. Tomorrow, I'll go get checked out and they'll take out the empty bag until next week when I do it again," she informed him patiently.

"And that's the stuff that makes you sick?" Jack worried, eyeing the bag a little fearfully.

"Yeah," she said softly as she nodded. "But I don't want you to be scared, honey. I'm still the same Aunt Em'ly whether I feel bad or not. And you," she added as she tickled his belly, "are the best medicine for me of all."

"I don't want you to feel bad," Jack said after he'd giggled. "What's gonna happen, Aunt Em?" he asked anxiously. "Daddy said you might get a tummy ache like when I had the tummy flu."

"I might." Emily nodded, remembering the violent nausea she'd experienced in the hospital. "But there are some nifty pills I can take for that, too. I might get cold. Sometimes, I might have the chills. And I might look funny in a few weeks."

"Why?"

"Because I might lose my hair. I'll look pretty funny bald, huh?" She winked, trying to lighten the heaviness in the little boy's eyes. Seeing him nervous was the last thing she wanted for him. Not after everything he'd seen in his life.

"Maybe Daddy will let me shave my head and be bald, too," he asked hopefully, raising his hand to rub against his hair.

Laughing at the child's excitement, Emily shook her head. "I don't know about that. I like your hair," she said, ruffling the downy locks with her fingers, covering his hand with hers. "But, I wanna tell you something, okay? It's important."

"What?" Jack asked, tilting his head.

Stroking his cheek, Emily replied, "If you see or hear something and get scared, baby, I want you to tell me or your dad. There's no reason for you to be afraid. Okay?"

"Daddy said that, too." Jack nodded. "I'll tell you, Aunt Em. And I pwomise to be quiet when you feel bad. I want you to get better. Really fast."

"I do, too, sweetheart." Emily smiled as the cartoon started. "Me, too." Holding him closer as she heard Aaron's footsteps in the hallway, she nodded toward the television. "Let's watch our show, okay?"

"Okay, Aunt Em'ly," Jack nodded, curving his body against hers trustingly.


	41. Chapter 41

_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._

_First, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_

_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._

**_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of MAY, anyone that reviews a ROMANCE related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._**

_This week's author of the week is the talented Nebula2. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-One**

Pausing outside the door to Emily's room, Hotch shamelessly eavesdropped as his son questioned Emily about the one subject that seemed to overtake their lives. The after-school snack could wait for a moment, he told himself as he listened closely, ready at a moment's notice to step back inside the bedroom if he had to.

He wasn't sure who he would be protecting at that moment, though…his son or his…Emily. But the subject matter held a weight that was a great as anything they had ever faced, and for their combined lives, that was a daunting statement.

Letting out a half-relieved sigh as he heard his son's giggles, Aaron nodded to himself as he finally stepped away from the doorway, his mission of peeled apples once again on his radar. Stepping into Emily's kitchen…well, their kitchen for the moment, he automatically reached for the bright red fruit on the counter.

His phone buzzed at the same moment he made the first slice into the thick skin, and Aaron deftly pressed the speaker button while continuing on his task. "Hotchner."

"So I see you're still among the living, huh?' came David Rossi's dry tones through the tinny reception. "Em didn't take you out at twenty paces after we left?"

"I appreciate the concern I hear in your voice, Dave," Aaron responded drily, rolling his eyes as he glanced down at the phone. "What ever happened to all for one and one for all?"

"Told ya, man, when it comes to the women on this team, it's every man for himself," Dave replied as he shuddered. "I was gettin' out while the getting was good and I still had JJ to use as a human shield. I figured you were safe enough. After all, you've got Jack and she likes him better than all of _us_ combined."

"You know I'll remember this the next time you need me to run interference with one of the ex-Mrs. Rossi's of the world," Aaron warned with no real heat behind his words.

"Just remember, if one of 'em kills me, there's nobody to hold down the fort while you're indisposed," Dave drawled, picking a piece of lint from his suit jacket carelessly, leaning back in his office chair.

"Did you call just to annoy me or do you actually have a reason?" Aaron asked with a glare toward the phone.

"Well, unless you want an unexpected visit from the resident Dragonlady, I need an update to give her," Rossi complained. "She's been in my office every hour on the hour ordering a report. Either I give her something the next time she comes in or I can put her on your tail," he threatened.

"Don't even joke about that." Hotch shuddered, piercing another apple. "Just tell her that Emily is resting. She's got another round of chemo tomorrow morning and won't be up to receiving visitors until the weekend."

"Consider it done," Dave agreed. "So, you're taking her to chemo and I've got afternoon duty, right?" he asked, tapping his fountain pen against his desk calendar.

"Yeah." Hotch nodded. "I'll bring her home and that should give me just enough time to get back to the Federal Building to deliver my disposition in the Graves case," he continued, mentally cursing the killer that was Paul Graves for his psychotic need to torture women. If not for him, HE would be the one taking care of Emily after tomorrow's session. Not that he didn't trust Dave.

Hell, out of the entire team, it was Rossi that understood what Emily was facing best. His experience with his former wife had given him more than enough knowledge on the subject. But it didn't change the fact that he _knew_ Emily was most comfortable showing weakness to him. She hated showing it at all, but at least she'd quit trying to fake being fine with him. She still tried with the rest of the team. And truthfully, he preferred being the one Emily turned to for assistance.

"She'll be okay, Aaron. We're covered," Dave stated, sensing the other man's hesitance. "It's not my first time at this particular rodeo."

"I know that," Aaron muttered, reaching for the phone and switching it back to a private conversation. "Just don't let her tell you that she doesn't need the anti-nausea medication because she most definitely _does._ And make her put on her wool socks and cover herself with the electric blanket. It doesn't stop the chills, but it helps."

"Yes, _mom_," Dave drawled. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. I don't know why, but soft jazz seems to calm her. So, if she seems jittery afterward…"

"I'll make sure the jazz genre makes it on the playlist, Aaron. C'mon, man, it's just a couple of hours and you're a phone call away," Dave reminded his friend calmly as he gave silent thanks that Hotch couldn't actually _see_ the smirk on his face.

"Soft jazz," Hotch corrected automatically. "And I should be gone three hours tops."

"Uh huh. I got it. Besides, Jen is gonna come over after work, too. So, I'll have back-up. Garcia is taking Henry and Jack out afterschool. No kiddies witnessing chemo aftermath rule."

Nodding his approval, Hotch released a long breath. "So we have a plan."

"Looks like," Dave replied evenly. "I gotta go, but Aaron?"

"Huh?" Hotch grunted, dropping apple wedges into a bowl.

"Remember to breathe, man. It's a marathon, not a sprint," Dave advised before hanging up.

Dropping his phone back to the counter, Aaron barely resisted throwing it into the wall. "It's a marathon, not a sprint," he mimicked. Damn it, he knew Dave was right, but that didn't mean it was comforting.

"Aaron? Where are our apples? I could have walked to an orchard and picked them myself by now!" he heard Emily call from the bedroom, Jack's childlike giggles accompanying her sentiment.

Smiling, Aaron sighed. Evidently Emily had her priorities and at the moment, at least, apples were definitely high priority. "On its way," Hotch called back, dropping two bowls on a tray and lifting it effortlessly into his hands.


	42. Chapter 42

_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._

_First, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_

_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._

_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of MAY, anyone that reviews a ROMANCE related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._

_This week's author of the week is the talented pandorabox82. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._

_Oh! And skip on over to the forum and sign up for our "Challenge Within A Challenge" fic writing exercise! We'd love to have each of you to participate!_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Two**

Glancing down at his watch for what had to be the tenth time in the last half hour, Aaron bit back a curse as he realized that far more time had passed than he had first realized. Glancing over at the lawyer on the other side of the table, he asked pointedly, "How many more questions are on the list, Mr. Akins? We've already exceeded the scheduled time frame for this particular deposition."

Charles Akins, the FBI staff attorney for the day, visibly winced as he recognized the Hotchner glare and Hotchner tone that were well-known and well-feared around the Bureau. He had first been honored to be chosen to complete this particular legal maneuver, knowing that working with the esteemed BAU Chief would be a feather in his career cap. But as each minute had passed, he had found his interviewee to be growing less and less thrilled with his thoroughness. Reluctantly meeting Agent Hotchner's eyes, Akins assured him quickly, "It's just twenty-two more specific items that we need to cover, then I'm certain that…"

"What I'm certain of is that someone other than a skilled attorney prepared your question list," Hotch snapped, reaching across the table and sliding the paper toward him. Quickly scanning the list, he shook his head. "Who gave you this list, Akins? It surely wasn't the DA in the case."

"I received the list from the sheriff's office in City Springs," Akins said naively, realizing quickly that he had made a mistake. "I thought that…"

"Let me just stop you right there before you say something else that is going to greatly embarrass both you and the profession we both represent," Aaron ground out. "Tomorrow, we will revisit this situation, but as of this moment, this deposition is halted. You can expect a call from your unit chief within the hour." Ignoring the sudden gaping-fish expression on the younger man's face, Aaron pushed his chair back and stomped out of the room, grabbing his phone and pressing Dave's number as he mentally catalogued how quickly he could make it to Emily's condo at this time of the day.

Impatiently waiting for Dave to pick up the phone, Hotch scrubbed a hand across his eyes. He should have simply canceled his afternoon meeting. Especially when Emily had gotten a late start with her chemotherapy this morning. Scheduling conflicts had abounded upon arrival at her doctor's office this morning and it had taken over an hour to get her in a chair. He'd been hesitant to leave her, offering repeatedly to call Akins and reschedule.

But Emily had been insistent. She refused to allow him to let her condition influence his decisions.

He should have pulled rank, told her to shut the hell up and made it into an order she couldn't deny. That's what he should have done.

But, no. He'd let her pale, determined face sway him, and he'd put her into Rossi's care. He'd reasoned that chemotherapy hadn't altered her ability to shoot straight and that if he was going to do her any good at all, he was going to need to do it without a couple of bullet holes in him.

Mentally kicking himself, he labeled himself an idiot. And if that wasn't enough, he was the very worst kind of idiot…a fucking _besotted_ idiot.

"Rossi," Dave finally greeted gruffly, sounding half out of sorts.

"What the hell took you so long?" Aaron growled, clutching the phone as he held it to his ear. "Where the hell are you?"

"We're still at the doctor's office," Dave informed the younger man tiredly, rubbing a hand over his jaw.

"What! Why?" Hotch exploded, his heart quickening. They should have been home hours ago, even with the unforeseen obstacles they'd faced this morning. "Is Emily okay?"

"She's gonna be fine, Aaron. Her blood pressure was a little dicey there for a while and they wanted to observe her for a while after she finished chemo. JJ's here, too, and…"

"Wait a second! You called JJ? Why the hell did you not think to call me, damn it?" Hotch barked, already fishing in his pocket for his car keys. He should have known better than to leave Rossi in charge of anything but his own dick.

"Would you please let me get a word in edgewise and explain?" Dave snapped, sidestepping a patient in the hallway with an apologetic smile. "JJ is here because she happened to call while she was at lunch and I told her what was going on. You were already in your meeting, asshole. But most importantly, Emily didn't WANT us to call you. And no offense, but even tied to chemo, that woman is a force to be reckoned with!"

"You've only been with her for half a day! I live with her!" Hotch retorted, his jaw clenching tightly as he imagined the discussions that had been held without his input. "You think you're telling me something I don't know?" he asked, jabbing the elevator button and tapping his foot.

"I think that you're gonna have to see that you can't do it all, Aaron. Emily realizes that you have a job to do. She doesn't want to interfere any more than she has. It's stupid, I agree. But at some point we have to respect her wishes. If I thought she'd been in any real danger, I'd have called in a heartbeat. But her blood pressure dropped. It's a consequence of chemo. And it's manageable. JJ and I had it covered."

"You still should have called," Aaron muttered, aware of the other individuals occupying the car as he stepped inside. "I _want_ to be there."

"Then you need to make that clear to her, Aaron. Maybe it's time to quit hiding behind your Unit Chief title and tell the woman how much you care," Dave advised blandly.

"Do me a favor and can it," Aaron returned huskily, dropping his voice. "And tell her that I'm on my way."

"We've already been released to go home," Dave refuted quickly. "Just meet us back at the condo, Aaron. She's had a long day. I don't wanna make her wait around any longer than I have to. And neither do you."

"Fine," Aaron conceded, nodding to himself as he willed the elevator to fall faster. "I'll see you at the house in half an hour."


	43. Chapter 43

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE**: _Just a quick explanation to those of you not aware of what's been happening in the wonderful world of fanfic. Recently, www. fanfiction. net has been doing a mass purge of all the "M" rated stories on their site. In an effort to avoid my work being taken down for good, I, instead, chose to take them down myself until the purge is over and everything has settled down. In the meantime, I will continue to publish my "T" and below rated work on www. fanfiction. net, while my "Mature Adult" rated work (for the time being only) is going to be published at The Writers Coffee Shop ( www. thewriterscoffeeshop library/ viewuser. php?uid=59099… remove the spaces to make this into a real web address). Please contact me if you need further directions. Direct links to the currently updated story can be found on my facebook page at Ilovetvalot fanfiction_

_In order to access the stories on The Writers Coffee Shop, you will need to register for an account (they guard the M-rated stories from young eyes). It is completely free and takes about 1 minute to complete the registration process! Once you are at The Writers Coffee Shop, click Login in the upper right corner. Then choose Register in the middle of the page. Follow the directions to register, and remember that you don't have to complete any of the fields that don't have asterisks! We hope you'll take the short trip to our new home for our more mature work and visit us soon!_

_The good news is that as I repost stories there, they are getting an OVERHAUL. That's right, folks! New stuff is being added to old stories. Also, two of my ongoing epics (because of their mature content) are only being published there as well. "Touched by an Angel" and "You Found Me" are the epics that are only available there! They are now uploaded as well as rejuvenated stories, "Consuming Fires" (a Dave/Emily), "Afterglow (a Dave/JJ), "Tulips" (a Dave/Emily), "Delicious Depravity" (Rossi/Erin/Aaron), and another ongoing epic, "Learning to Love Again". Come by and check it out!_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Three**

Cursing the Bureau, the stormy weather and the ungodly traffic clogging the busy DC streets, Aaron Hotchner finally reached home a half hour later.

Throwing his keys on the entryway table and dropping his briefcase just inside the door, he hurried down the hallway toward the sound of low voices. "How is she?" he asked, skidding to a stop when he reached the living room.

"Good God, Aaron," Dave said drily, shaking his head at the wild eyed look of the man in front of him. "I told you she was fine."

"Don't test me, Rossi," Aaron growled, already seething and unwilling to even attempt to lower his threshold of emotion. He couldn't rationally explain his fear. All he knew was that it had gnawed at his gut for the past hour. The only thing he wanted was an update and to see Emily in that order.

Stepping between the two men before Hotch could throw a punch at Dave's face, JJ rushed to reassure the normally ice cold man. "She's fine, Hotch. She's just dozing in the bedroom. You can check for yourself," she suggested before Dave could open his mouth, pressing her hand against Dave's arm when he would have attempted to continue.

"Don't wake her up," Dave called warningly, ignoring JJ's warning pinch to the arm. "Ow!" he grunted when those fingers moved to his side. "What?" he muttered, capturing the offending hand. "She's had a hard day. She needs her rest."

"Would you shut up?" JJ said out the side of her mouth when Hotch's angry eyes darkened. "You're making it worse," she warned.

"You and I will talk later about what constitutes a phone call, Rossi," Aaron said grouchily as he loosened his tie. "Right now, I just want to check on Emily."

"Wait," JJ called, waiting until Hotch turned to look at her again before continuing. "Since it's been a long day for Em, do you mind if Rossi and I pick Jack up from school? I can keep him tonight."

Running a hand down his face, Aaron took a deep breath before glancing down at his watch. How the hell had he forgotten Jack? "Yeah, JJ," Hotch said softly, shaking his head as he felt the tightness in his shoulders ease slightly. "I'd appreciate that. Tell him I'll call him before bed, okay? And if I don't call for some reason…"

"…then I'll call _you_," JJ finished as she nodded. "On the sly, of course," she said with a small smile.

"Thank you," he said gratefully. Honestly, he wasn't certain what he'd do without JJ's sense of practicality. "Sorry I…"

"Snapped? Went off the deep end? Fell off the crazy train?" Dave supplied helpfully, needling Hotch with a teasing grin.

"You know you're an asshole right?" Aaron grumbled, narrowing his eyes at the older profiler.

"He has many talents," JJ said before Rossi could dig himself any deeper. "Being an ass is just one more service he provides."

"Nice," Dave said, glaring at the woman beside him. "I offer to help you watch two rugrats and this is how you pay me back."

"Dave, you are more of a challenge than either of those children," JJ informed him bluntly.

"No one appreciates greatness anymore," Dave sighed, shrugging on his jacket. "Don't worry about the kid, Aaron," he said over his shoulder. "One night isn't enough time to fully corrupt him," he assured the younger man, guiding JJ toward the door.

Rolling his eyes as they let themselves out, Aaron took a second to catch his breath before turning toward the bedroom. Quietly opening the door to the darkened room, he carefully stepped inside. His eyes found her slight body easily. Frowning as he watched her shiver in the bed, he crossed the room quickly. Brushing the hair off her face, he pressed his lips to her forehead, finding her slightly feverish.

"Aaron?" Emily murmured sleepily, her mind registering his presence even when she couldn't quite manage to see him yet.

"I'm here," Hotch murmured softly, tucking the covers around her slim shoulders. "Can I get you anything?" he asked huskily. "What do you need, sweetheart?"

Reaching blindly for him, Emily forced her eyes open. "C-cold," she shivered again.

Reaching for the thermostat on the wall above the bed, he upped it another few degrees. "You want me to get the electric blanket?"

"N-no." She shook her head weakly. "Can you just lie down with me for a few minutes?" she asked, hating her own neediness.

Toeing off his loafers, Aaron shrugged out of his suit jacket simultaneously. Pulling back the comforter, he slid into bed behind her, tugging her shivering body against his. Resting a hand on the swell of her hip, he murmured, "Okay?"

Nodding, Emily concentrated on absorbing as much of the heat radiating from his body as she could. Pressing her back against his chest, she swallowed. "Where's Jack?" she whispered when the worst of the shudders had passed.

"JJ is going to take him for the night," Hotch said quietly, his fingers gently stroking against her arm. "Rossi's gonna help her."

"I hate that everybody is having to rearrange their lives for me," Emily whispered miserably, pressing her cheek harder into the pillow as she tried to gather the energy to even turn over. "This is supposed to be Jack's home and it seems like you're setting a trend where he's gone more than he's here."

"Temporarily," Hotch soothed gently, running his hand up and down her tense spine. "He'll be back tomorrow after school."

Finally turning to face him in the bed, Emily shook her head. "He's supposed to be enjoying his childhood, Aaron. I'm interfering with that."

"Emily, Jack is as happy as any other kid his age. He has a blast with Henry. You know that," Aaron chided, worried she'd make herself worse with needless worry. "Right now, I just want you to focus on regaining your strength."

"You're supposed to still be at work," Emily said, unable to fight the yawn overtaking her.

"I did work. Now, I'm home," Hotch replied patiently, smiling slightly as he traced his thumb against the edge of her jaw.

"Early," Emily muttered, raising her eyes to meet his, the effort more than she realized possible. "You're home early. Who ratted me out? JJ or Rossi?" she complained, her mind already plotting revenge.

"Neither," Hotch retorted, his mouth forming a thin line as he glared down at her. "Evidently, somebody threatened them with torture of all manner if they called me. I'd still be in the dark if I hadn't called and check in."

"This isn't your problem. You can't drop everything every time I have a problem," Emily mumbled as her eyes grew heavier.

Watching as she drifted off, Aaron pulled her closer. "Just see if I can't," he whispered into her hair as she went to sleep against his chest.


	44. Chapter 44

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* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Four**

Collapsing on Jennifer Jareau's couch later that night, David Rossi stared longingly toward her kitchen. "Please, for the love of all that's holy and right in the world, tell me that there is alcohol in there," he beseeched piteously.

Lips twitching, JJ raised an eyebrow as she watched him sag against her comfortable sofa. He looked positively wrecked, his graying hair falling against his forehead and shirt askew almost as if it had taken part in a violent tug of war…which, let's face it, it had. "Troubles?" she managed to ask, straight-faced.

Leaning his head back against the cushions, Dave stared at the ceiling. "If we could bottle and market the energy of those two kids, we'd make a fortune, Jen," he muttered as he yawned, arching his back as he stretched his arms over his head.

Laughing gently, she privately agreed with him. Singularly, Henry could be a challenge on even the best nights, but when he had a cohort in crime, they became virtually unstoppable. "It's awfully quiet," she noted, craning her head to stare down her empty hallway. "You didn't smother them with a pillow, did you?"

"As tempting as that thought was at one point, I refrained," Dave answered, cracking one lid to peer at her. "No, I got them to sleep the old-fashioned way."

"Lullaby?" JJ questioned, propping her chin on her hand as she stared at the handsome man sprawled on her couch. She smiled when his nose curled at the suggestion.

"Hell, no," he grunted. "Bribery," he stated flatly with a satisfied nod.

Lifting her eyebrows, JJ giggled. "Old school," she complimented as she nodded. "What'd you promise them?"

"Once Aunt Emily is better, Jack gets the puppy of his choice and Henry gets to help pick it out." Dave shrugged as JJ's jaw dropped.

"Hotch is going to _kill_ you," JJ hissed, her bright eyes widening suddenly as she realized the extent of the simple promise.

"Hey, don't complain." Dave smirked, opening both his eyes to focus on her. "I could have promised _Henry_ the puppy."

"Then, you would have died a whole lot sooner because _I _would have killed you," JJ returned with a threatening glare.

"Then you should realize that I know which side my bread is buttered on. Hotch is a hell of a lot easier to handle pissed off than you are. And, the kids get another dog besides Mudgie to play with," he added as he shrugged. "For you, it's win-win-win."

"Nicely played. Can I be there when you explain your method to Hotch?" JJ asked, wriggling her eyebrows.

Dave pouted as he stretched his legs out. "I thought you'd tell him. After all, it was your carpet I saved from a new puppy."

"Good luck convincing me to do that." JJ grinned, rising from her chair. "Wine or scotch?" she offered the tired, rumpled man before her.

"That depends," Dave replied, arching one brow as he smiled. "Can I sleep on your couch tonight?"

"No, but you can take the bed in the spare bedroom so that you don't puncture your spine on one of the springs," JJ offered, tilting her head toward the hallway.

Relieved that he wasn't going to be thrown out, Dave grinned. "Scotch then, please." Watching as she walked away, his eyes were drawn to the sway of her hips as she moved around the open kitchen. Down boy, he mentally chastised himself. You're taking this slow, he reminded himself sternly.

He was. He would.

In the past several weeks, he grown amazingly comfortable here, surrounded by JJ and Henry's happy chatter. It had filled a void within him that he hadn't even realized existed. He was saddened that it had taken Emily's tragedy to make him see what had been right in front of him all along. But, damn he was grateful that he'd finally seen the light, so bright it almost blinded him.

Of course, if the woman currently pouring his scotch knew anything about his changing feelings, she'd given no indication. JJ was the same as she'd ever been. Friendly, serene…soothing. He knew she was still hurting from her ordeal with the Cajun asshole, and was even more worried about Emily –as they all were. Now wasn't the time to dump his own bombshell on her pretty head.

He just had to keep reminding his libido of that salient fact.

"Here you go," JJ said, holding out his drink to him as she retraced her steps into the living room. "One Laguvalin, two fingers, no ice."

"You're beginning to know me well, cara," he murmured, the unconscious endearment slipping from his lips before he could call it back.

Shrugging, JJ resumed her seat on the end of the couch. "You're a surprisingly simple man, Dave. I've learned to give you a scotch, the remote or a book and you entertain yourself," she countered as she winked, lifting her own wine to her lips and taking a sip.

Sputtering for a moment, Dave lowered the glass as he choked out, "I believe that may be the first time _any_ woman referred to me as _simple_."

"I meant it as a compliment," JJ hurried to assure him, hiding her smile as she took another sip of the delicious wine.

"I took it as one," Dave replied with a smile. "It's nice not to have a woman accuse me of being a secretive son of a bitch," he snorted.

"You've been hanging out with the wrong type of woman," JJ chided with a roll of her eyes, curling her legs under her as she turned toward him.

"I won't argue that," Dave chuckled, dropping his arm over the back of the deep sofa. "Present company excluded, of course."

"Of course," JJ mimicked. "Think we should call and check on Emily?" she asked with a glance at the phone. "I'm worried about that fever, Dave," she whispered, lowering her voice in case one of the children snuck into the room.

"I think that if anything was wrong, Aaron would call us, babe," Dave reassured her, capturing her hand for a moment as she seemed to gravitate toward him. "Besides, if one of us calls and wakes her up, he'll be homicidal. You saw him this evening. Not easily soothed when Emily's feathers are ruffled, that one."

Smiling faintly, JJ privately agreed. "It's good for him. For them. Maybe the blessing from all of this will be that they finally confront how they feel about each other."

"Everything in its time, JJ," Dave said softly. "Everything in its time." Seeing her nod again, he smiled as he slipped an arm around her shoulders. "How 'bout a movie?" he suggested, flipping the remote in his hand.

Relaxing against him, JJ smiled. "A movie sounds great."

And for that moment in time, she knew that they could escape…together.

* * *

_Hello, friends! If you've been looking for our M-rated stories, we've found a new home for them! After fanfiction. net began to purge M-rated stories that were questionable according to their Terms of Service, we voluntarily removed our stories and are in the process of loading them on The Writer's Coffee Shop (thewriterscoffeeshop DOT com...make that a real address)._

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_We are continuing to post on , and we enjoy this site very much. However, in order to be in compliance with 's rules, we will be posting our M-rated stories at TWCS, and we will also post certain chapters of our epic stories at TWCS if the chapter strays into the M-rating. We will be updating our profile page very soon to provide you with links and to keep everyone updated on exactly where our stories are located!_

_**WE UPDATED OUR ROSSI/GARCIA EPIC, "TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL", AT THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP. STOP BY AND CHECK OUT CHAPTER 15, ALONG WITH SOME OTHER FUN STORIES ALREADY UPLOADED THERE! WE HAVE ALSO PUBLISHED A COMPLETELY NEW "M" STORY CALLED "AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW" AT THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP! PLEASE CHECK IT OUT.**_

_We truly appreciate your continued support, and we look forward to providing you with many more stories in the future! Again, we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused any of you._


	45. Chapter 45

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Five**

Two very long weeks later, Emily Prentiss stared in wonder around the small sitting area of her condo. If she hadn't known better, she would have sworn that she was suffering hallucinatory effects from the drugs that had been forced through her body and was now being surrounded by detached heads intent on driving her to an entirely new level of crazy.

But no, that was not the explanation, although she was beginning to believe she would have preferred that scenario. Instead, she was being forced to face, no pun intended, the various choices that had been presented to her by her so-called good friend, Penelope Garcia.

And apparently said friend did not feel that she was adequately involved in the process.

Snapping her fingers in front of Emily's slack face, Penelope trilled, "Pay attention, my cute little gumdrop. We've only got one day to pick out the perfect coiffure for your soon to be tress-less head, and I want to make sure that you pick one that will put you on the top of the diva list!"

Leaning back into the pillow that was propped in the corner of the sofa, Emily shook her head as she winced at the selection that Penelope was waving in her direction. "Pen, I appreciate this impromptu salon session, but I think I made it pretty clear that I am definitely not going to go with anything quite as…"

"Unique as that?" JJ supplied helpfully from the other side of the sofa, wrinkling her nose as she bit back a grin at the jet black and hot pink creation being flown through the air by a caffeine-laden Garcia. "Garcie, I really don't think that Emily is going to want to be spending time as a punk rocker any time soon."

Smiling quickly as she saw the crestfallen look on her friend's face, Emily added quickly, "I think I passed that phase in high school, Pen. And seeing as how I'm just coming to grips with losing my hair, I don't think I can go so far to the dark side so quickly."

Her face softened as she heard the slightly whispy thread to her friend's voice as Emily stared at the array of wigs in front of her, Penelope reached for the slack hand resting on the couch. "You know that it's just hair, Peaches," she murmured. "It's going to grow back."

"It's just," Emily murmured as she winced, reaching up to finger her sparse tresses, "I always liked my hair…the color, the thickness…it seems vain, I know," she laughed self-consciously. "But, even when I didn't like much else about myself, I liked that."

"Your hair isn't what makes you beautiful," JJ added softly. "And Hotch isn't going to care whether you're bald as a baby or have locks down to your ass, Em."

Startled, Emily shot a look at JJ. Had she been _that _transparent? "I…we're not…it isn't like that, JJ," she said, shaking her head frantically.

Both women shot her a look that indicated they patently did not believe her in any capacity.

"He's just being a good friend," Emily stated resolutely, nodding once to convince herself as well as the others of that salient fact. "Aaron couldn't care less about my feelings about my hair. Or if I have it or not."

"The Boss Man cares about anything that even threatens to turn that pretty mouth upside down," Penelope declared as she laughed, reaching for a redheaded wig and plopping it on Emily's head before grimacing and scrunching her nose. "You are _not_ a redhead."

"No kidding," Emily deadpanned, rolling her eyes. "Try that one," she said, pointing weakly at one of the brunette wigs shaped in a bob.

"But it's so plain," Pen whined, reaching for it anyway.

"It's Emily's hair," JJ reminded Garcia dutifully, shooting Emily a sympathetic look. "And back to our discussion about Hotch…" she said pointedly. "Emily, are you purposefully ignoring what's right in front of your face?" she asked, lowering her voice. "That man is in…"

"JJ!" Emily hissed, narrowing her eyes as she shook her head frantically. "Don't say it. He isn't! He's doing exactly what the rest of you are doing, being a good and supportive friend and helping me through a difficult time," she insisted, her stomach doing a funny flip flop that had zilch to do with her chemotherapy.

"Denying it doesn't make it any less true," JJ noted, standing firm as she met her friend's gaze.

"Denial, thy name is Emily Prentiss," Penelope sang, adjusting the wig on top of Emily's head. "But she's not the only chica in the room with that problem," she said with a sly look in JJ's direction.

"Yeah!" Emily agreed readily, latching onto the convenient outlet Penelope had offered her. Turning the tables on her pal, she pointed at the younger blonde. "Or are you going to deny those smoldering looks Rossi sends your direction are a figment of my drug addled mind?" she challenged as she grinned.

"I don't know what you're all talking about," JJ said tersely as a flush spread across her cheeks. "Dave's just been helping me out since Will left and…"

"…and things are beginning to escalate," Pen noted, wriggling her eyebrows as she took a step back and eyed Emily critically. "Okay, I gotta say, you make natural look good, Emily Prentiss."

"I agree." JJ smiled, reaching for the mirror on the coffee table to show Emily.

Sighing heavily as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, Emily silently admitted that it wasn't a bad look for her. It would be much better than bald. Fingering the hair of her wig lightly, she swallowed. "Yeah, this one, I think," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears she tried valiantly to blink back.

JJ wrapped an arm around her shoulder as Garcia held her hand, and she was grateful she was buffered by both her best gal pals. But for them, she would have immersed herself in depression. Their steadfast refusal to allow that to happen had kept her sane. Leaning her head against JJ's shoulder, she sniffled. "Man, it's moments like this that I really miss alcohol," she mused.

"Well, lucky for us all that I make a mean virgin daiquiri," Garcia exclaimed as she giggled. Clapping her hands as she winked at her best friends, she declared, "Let the girls' night commence."

* * *

_**Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum news: I'll try to keep it brief.**_

_August signups are open through July 31, 2012 for the "It's a Heat Wave Challenge!" Details can be found at the forum._

_There is a new discussion thread available called, "_WHY ARE OUR READERS NOT REVIEWING? We asked, and our readers answered!" _Please check it out and leave a comment._

_We also have another discussion thread entitled __**"**_**The Ups and Downs of Writing an Uncommon Pairing**_**"**__. Please let us know what you think! _

_A continued thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read, review, favorite and alert our stories here on this site. We truly enjoy hearing from each one of you. Also, please check out our "M" stories at __**The Writers Coffee Shop (TWCS)**__ and a Brand New site run by fellow CM authors, Kavi Leighanna, Sienna27 and The Truth Between called __**Fractured-reality. Com**__. If anyone needs a link or direction to the new site, please feel free to contact us through either a private message or while leaving a review and we'll make sure to get back to you. Each former "M" story is getting an overhaul as we publish it AND there are new stories being added all the time there as well._


	46. Chapter 46

_**SPECIAL NOTE: SEPTEMBER signups are now open through AUGUST, 31, 2012 for the "THE MIX n MATCH CHALLENGE!" Details can be found at the forum. **_

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* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Six**

Staring in the bathroom mirror the next morning, Emily Prentiss took a deep breath. Despite her well meaning friend's offers to stand sentry last night, she'd decided this needed to be a private moment. Biting her lip as she faced her reflection in the mirror, she took note of her thinning black hair, sparse now in places, completely bald in others and blinked back tears.

Futile tears, she knew. One way or another, the hair was coming out. And she'd much rather beat the chemotherapy to the punch. She could control that much at least.

Shifting her eyes back to Aaron's electric razor, she swallowed and reached for it with a trembling hand. Flipping the switch, the soft buzzing sound seemed to amplify in the small bathroom. Her hand shook as she lifted the black razor to her scalp.

"Aunt Em'ly," a sudden tiny voice intruded from outside the locked door. "Aunt Em'ly! I gotta make pee pee!" Jack announced in an urgent voice.

Quickly dropping the electric razor back to the vanity, Emily giggled at the demand in her littlest roomie's voice. Opening the door, she found Jack bouncing from foot to foot outside the door. "You been it here forever!" he condemned her with a frown, skirting around his aunt and pushing her from the room before slamming the door in her face.

Leaning against the wall, Emily didn't bother fighting her giggle. Suddenly, she had a much clearer perspective on things. There were priorities to life. And her five year old roommate had helped her see it. Meeting his dark eyes as he opened the door a few seconds later, her lips still twitched. "Sorry, Jack."

"Whatcha doin' in there?" Jack huffed when Emily walked back into the bathroom.

Glancing at the youngster, Emily replied truthfully. "I'm trying to find the courage to shave my head."

"Why are ya scared?" Jack asked curiously.

"Well," Emily said, considering the question, "I've never been bald before. What if I look funny?"

"It's just hair." Jack shrugged. "It'll grow back," he said with the confidence and bravado only a child could muster.

Blinking at the simple logic behind the wise child's words, Emily felt her heart lighten. "You know what? You're right."

"But you're still scared, ain'tcha?" Jack asked sagely, watching the older woman's face carefully.

"Yeah," Emily agreed, glancing at the mirror. "I guess I am," she sighed.

"I was scared when I got my shots for school," Jack commiserated, leaning against the doorframe. "When Daddy held my hand, it helped. You want me to hold your hand, Aunt Em'ly?" he offered generously, cocking his head.

Smiling affectionately at the boy in the doorway, Emily nodded. "Would you mind?" she whispered.

"Nope," Jack shook his head, taking a step into the bathroom and standing beside her in front of the mirror. "Daddy says that there's nothing wrong with bein' scared unless you let the fear take over. So, don't be scared, okay?" he whispered, squeezing Emily's hand. "Cuz you ain't alone."

Blinking back tears, Emily reached blindly for the razor as she nodded. "Let's do this," she murmured, flipping the switch and lifting it to her hairline.

"No fear, Aunt Em'ly," Jack reminded her when she hesitated. "It's just hair that'll grow back," he promised, squeezing her hand in his.

Nodding, Emily quickly ran the blade across her scalp, dark hair falling forward into the sink. Staring at the black tresses against the white porcelain of the sink, a sob caught in her throat.

"See, Aunt Em'ly," Jack cheered. "You're no coward! Do it again!" He smiled.

Sniffling, Emily ran the razor against her hair again, quicker this time. "I look pretty funny, huh?" she asked Jack through her tears, staring at her half shaven head. "Wanna try?" she asked shakily, offering him the razor as she moved on unsteady legs to sit on the closed toilet.

"Sure!" Jack nodded eagerly. His daddy had let him shave his cheeks before; he could do this. Tilting his head, he asked, "How do you feel about a Mohawk?"

Laughing at the child's enthusiasm, Emily wiped her wet cheeks. "Let's do it," she said enthusiastically. If she was going to do this, she might as well try to enjoy it….or at the very least, make sure Jack did.

She and Jack spent several minutes laughing and talking as he shaved her head, his little fingers surprisingly careful on her tender scalp. Finally, when just a thin strip of hair remained over the center of her scalp, Jack took a step back and met her gaze. "You need to do the last part, Aunt Em'ly," he said softly, passing the razor back to the woman. "Then, it'll be all done."

Slowly rising, Emily leaned against the sink as she looked at herself in the mirror. Almost completely bald, her skin seemed to glow. Raising tentative fingers to her scalp, she was surprised how soft it was.

"Smooth, huh?" Jack grinned, looking up at her. "I do good work," he said proudly.

"You sure do, buddy," Emily whispered, tightening her fingers around the electric razor in her hand. Just one more sweep against her skin and it would be done, she thought grimly. She could do it! She could! She'd shot unsubs, chased terrorists, survived bombs and bullets. She could do this, couldn't she?

"It's okay to be sad, Aunt Em'ly," Jack said softly from beside her. "But, 'member, it's just hair," he soothed, leaning his head against her side as he stared at her in the mirror.

"It's really different, isn't it?" she whispered tremulously.

"Different isn't bad," Jack said simply. "It's just different."

Those straightforward words were enough to put Emily's hand into motion, sweeping the blade against her skull as she shed the last of her hair.

Her eyes were wide as she drew in deep breaths of air. "It's done," she breathed, meeting Jack's eyes in the mirror.

"And you look beautiful, Aunt Em'ly," Jack pronounced as he hugged her waist tightly.


	47. Chapter 47

**A couple of important notes for today, readers. First, there are officially FOUR DAYS left to nominate your favorite authors and stories for the 2012 Criminal Minds Profilers Choice Awards hosted by the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. The nomination ballot, rules, and category list can be found there. A link is provided on my profile page. Please remember the deadline for nominations is October 15, 2012.**

**Also, Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum has also commenced the signups for our December challenge - the fandom's annual Christmas Gift Fic Exchange. If you are interested in passing along some Holiday joy, please swing by and sign up. Stories are the gifts that keep on giving. Please give this one a try.**

**As always, thanks to everyone that continues to read our stories!**

* * *

**SPECIAL SIDE NOTE – Sarah O'Rourke (the professional pen name that ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 use) has released a NEW book on amazon. Com – Please swing by and check out ****"The Devil's Snare"****. And please feel free to friend Sarah O'Rourke on facebook!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Seven**

Smiling as he stepped down the hallway to the corner bedroom, Aaron Hotchner offered up a silent prayer of thankfulness as he heard the peaceful sounds of silence. When he'd arrived home last night, one peek in their respective bedrooms had found both Jack and Emily soundly asleep. His son was obviously sleeping in past seven AM on this Saturday morning, and that indicated that they'd both had a late evening. And while it was slightly unusual, it was not unheard of. After the week they had all had, a little extra rest would do them all some good.

Pausing at the half-open door before him, Aaron cocked his head as he suddenly heard the distinct sounds of sobs. Oh, they were muffled, but definitely unmistakable. His smile faded quickly as he pushed open the door and stepped inside Emily's darkened room. Searching quickly, he frowned as he realized that she wasn't in the bed like he had expected.

A mere second later, he turned to the enclosed bathroom in the corner. Oh hell, he thought frantically as he heard a muffled crash, and his feet ate up the carpet as he crossed the small space.

"Emily!" he called out, already reaching for the silver doorknob, panic lodging in his throat. "Honey, let me in!"

Her breath caught tightly on a wracking sob as she stared in horror at the closed door. She hadn't meant for him to hear her! She didn't even think anyone was awake! After she and Jack had taken care of her hair, they'd watched a movie together and fallen asleep shortly thereafter. Neither of them had been up for Aaron's late night arrival home following a rare night out with the boys that had gone into the wee hours.

Her gaze dropped to the strands of hair still clinging to the sink, and she fought back another wave of tears as she tried to catch her breath. She hadn't had the strength of will to clean the small bathroom last night, but coping with it this morning proved no easier. Pull it together, she ordered herself, shaking her head as she raised her eyes to stare into the mirror again.

It hadn't been a nightmare at all. It had actually happened. She was still completely bald.

"Emily!" Hotch's rough voice demanded just outside the door, rattling the knob frantically. "Let me in!"

Sniffling, Emily turned and unlocked the silver latch, the door abruptly swinging open as Aaron rushed forward.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his gaze raking her from head to toe, taking in the puffy eyes and running nose in a single sweep of his eyes.

"I'm fine," Emily said, her voice cracking as she unconsciously lifted a hand to her scalp. "Just getting used to the new me."

Face softening as he realized that she wasn't sick, but rather upset, Aaron blinked. "Emily…"

"Please don't try to make me feel better." She grimaced, averting her face as she reached for a tissue. "I know I'm being vain and I've got a hell of a lot more than being bald to be worried about at the moment, but it just feels like this is just one more thing that cancer robbed from me."

"It's hair, Emily. It will grow back," Aaron soothed, rubbing a hand against her curved back when she bent her head and braced her arms against the vanity.

"You sound like your son," Emily offered in a watery laugh. "He helped me last night. Held my hand and everything. I thought the change would scare him less if he watched me do it."

"I don't think Jack's the one uncomfortable with the change," Hotch surmised, running his hands up and down her tense arms.

"It's ugly," she muttered through her teeth, avoiding her reflection in the mirror and choosing to stare at the soap dish instead.

Well, that was a load of crap, Aaron thought, staring at the back of Emily's head. Nothing…not cancer…not baldness…not anything had changed Emily's beauty. It radiated from her. "Has cancer driven you crazy?" he asked, sliding his arms around her and pulling her back against his chest. "You're gorgeous," he murmured against her ear, meeting her surprised eyes in the mirror. "Hair or no hair, you're gorgeous."

"You're saying that because I'm sick," Emily scoffed, stiffening against him as she tried to pull away and create some distance between them. "Please don't placate me."

His body followed hers, however, pressing her against the sink as he leaned against her back. "I'm saying you're beautiful because it's true, Emily," Aaron countered steadily.

"Scarred, bald, and beautiful," Emily jeered bitterly, blinking back tears. "Somehow, those words don't go together, Aaron."

"You aren't listening hard enough then," Aaron replied, gently turning Emily in front of him, keeping her against the vanity. Pinning his arms on either side of her, he waited until she lifted her eyes to his. "Have you ever known me to lie?"

"No," she breathed, becoming a little lost in his intense gaze as his chest grazed hers. He was so near that she could feel his warm breath against her lips.

"Then you shouldn't doubt that I'm telling you the truth now," he admonished deeply, lifting a hand to caress the curve of one cheek. Lowering his head, his lips rubbed her softly. "I'm going to kiss you if you don't stop me," he warned her huskily.

Holding her breath, Emily's eyes drifted closed as his mouth covered hers and she wondered briefly if he could hear her heart thudding in her chest. His touch was tentative, but not hesitant, as he sampled her lips carefully, lapping his tongue first against the lower, then the upper, waiting patiently for her to answer his silent quest for permission.

Sighing against his parted lips, Emily fell into the moment, slowly twining her arms around his neck as he possessed her mouth, sweeping his tongue against hers softly in a slow, intimate dance. He felt warm and steady against her, strong in a way that didn't suffocate her and tender in a fashion that stripped her of her defenses.

Finally releasing her lips a few moments later, Aaron breathed heavily as he tucked her against his body, one hand cupping the smooth skin at the back of her head while the other rested on the slender curve of her waist. He regained his balance slowly as she leaned heavily against him. "I'm not going to say I'm sorry, Emily," he whispered, rubbing his lips against her silky scalp. "Because that _would_ be a lie."


	48. Chapter 48

**Author's Note: We wanted to take a quick second and let everyone know that the FINAL voting ballot of The Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards is up and live at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. Please read all the rules before filling out your ballot.**

**Other activities ongoing at the forum are as follows:**

**Signups for the Christmas Fic Gift Exchange are open through October 31, 2012. Details are on the forum.**

**We have also opened Chat Line threads for various pairings in the CM fandom. If you don't see the pairing you wish to discuss, just shoot me a private message and they'll be added promptly. There is also a thread discussing what viewers think of new profiler, Alex Blake. And finally there is a new thread discussing who your favorite pairings are on Criminal Minds and why.**

**We welcome everyone to swing by Chit Chat on Author's Corner and join the fun.**

**As ever, thank you for reading our work. We truly appreciate each of you.**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

An hour later, Emily Prentiss still felt oddly euphoric after the kiss she'd shared with her roomie. As hard as she tried to shake off the moments they'd shared together earlier this morning, she couldn't.

Or more accurately, she didn't want to.

The intelligent course of action would be to shrug it off as an overly affectionate act of comfort following a traumatic experience. No harm, no foul. Acknowledge it and forget about it.

Except, she couldn't. Her lips still tingled. She could still taste him on her tongue. He was still living in her home. All of these factors combined made it impossible to simply push it from her mind. The reminder was standing in her kitchen over her stove scrambling eggs.

Pulled from her thoughts by a hand tugging on the arm of her robe, Emily smiled as she met Jack's eager eyes.

"So, will ya, Aunt Em'ly?" the child asked plaintively.

Would she, what, Emily asked herself. Her daydreaming had gotten her into trouble. During the time she'd been spinning dreams of Aaron Hotchner, she'd obviously missed something here. "Will I what, Jack?" she asked gently, capturing the boy's hand in hers as he widened his eyes. Purposefully ignoring Hotch's amused chuckle, she inquired, "What did you say?"

Jack released an agitated snort as he rolled his eyes. "The park, Aunt Em'ly! Haven't you listened?" he questioned irritably.

"Watch the tone, mister," Aaron admonished without turning from the stove.

"Sorry," Jack apologized, wrinkling his nose. "But I asked ya if you would come to the park with daddy and me. It's pretty warm out, Aunt Em'ly. You'd just need a jacket. And then, you could watch me play with my soccer ball! I'm really good," he bragged proudly.

Emily smiled and squeezed Jack's hand. "I bet you're amazing, sweetie."

"So, will ya come?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Honey," Emily replied, touching her silky turban self-consciously, "I'm not sure. Maybe Daddy could take some pictures on his phone…"

"It won't be the same, Aunt Em'ly," Jack whined, huffing as he bounced from small foot to small foot. "Is it because you're bald now underneath your hat?"

"Jack!" Hotch reprimanded sharply, turning to stare at his son.

"What?" Jack asked innocently, unsure what he'd said wrong.

"Aaron," Emily chided, glaring at the dark eyed man over Jack's hair. "He's only asking an honest question. I can handle this."

Pressing his lips together, Aaron was clearly unhappy, but nodded stiffly and turned back to the frying pan, prepared to allow Emily to handle the situation as she saw fit. He'd agreed that they'd be as honest as possible with Jack regarding Emily's cancer, and while he knew that Jack understood _why_ her hair had fallen out, he didn't quite grasp why Emily would feel anxious about it.

Quickly taking both of Jack's hands in hers as he stared at his father's back in confusion, Emily murmured, "Hey, there. Nobody's angry with you."

"But, Daddy…," Jack began uncertainly, pointing at his dad.

"Daddy is just worried that my feelings are gonna get hurt," she explained calmly.

"By me?" Jack squeaked, thumping his chest with the palm of his hand. "I wouldn't hurt your feelings. I love you, Aunt Em'ly!"

Emily smiled. "I know that, sweet boy," she soothed. "And so does your daddy," she assured him. "It's just…well, nobody likes feeling different. My shaved head, though, that _makes_ me a little different from the other grown-ups, and I'm a little nervous about people seeing it."

"Different isn't bad," Jack replied, scratching his temple as he met his aunt's eyes. "Daddy told me so."

"Daddy is exactly right. Sometimes, though, different gets treated a bit, well…for lack of a better word, differently."

"You can't hide until your hair grows back, Aunt Em'ly , 'cause that's gonna take a long time," Jack replied, sounding so much like his father that it drew a small laugh from Emily's lips. "'Sides, you look pretty with or without hair!" he cajoled.

"Well said, son," Hotch stated supportively as he crossed the room and put a plate of toast and eggs in front of his little boy. "She didn't believe me either this morning," he said, exchanging a meaningful look with Emily.

Flustered, Emily blushed. "Tag teaming is not allowed here, you two."

"We're just stating facts as we see them," Aaron returned unrepentantly, sliding a plate of slice fruit in front of Emily. "You need to eat whether you choose to accompany us to the park or not," he said when she curled her nose at the food.

"So, how 'bout it, Aunt Em'ly?" Jack asked between bites. "Come with us? You could try out the new wig that Aunt Pen and Aunt JJ helped you pick out," he suggested.

"Yeah, Emily," Hotch mimicked as he carried his own plate to the round table. "How about it?"

Looking from one expectant face to the other, she sighed. Facing one famous Hotchner stare was hard enough. Two was impossible. Forcing herself to chew up an apple slice, Emily swallowed the food without really tasting it before she answered. "I guess you're just too much of a temptation to resist," she said to Jack. "If you're sure that you won't be embarrassed by me, I'd love to go with you."

"Really?" Jack beamed. "Awesome!" he exclaimed, high fiving his dad's hand. Shoveling the last bite of toast between his lips, he chewed and swallowed quickly. "May I be 'scused?" he asked excitedly. "I wanna go get my soccer ball and cleats!"

Nodding, Aaron grinned. "Put your plate in the sink and you may go."

Quickly obeying, Emily laughed as the mini-Hotch skipped out of the room.

"You made his day," Aaron said with a chuckle as Jack's whoops echoed down the hallway. "He was afraid you'd say no."

"I wanted to," Emily replied truthfully. "But evidently, I'm not doing so great at warding off the Hotchner steely will," she added with an amused smile. "You two are something to behold when presenting a unified front."

"Like father, like son," Aaron returned with a pleased nod. "Eat up, Emily. Trust me, you're going to need the energy." He winked before lifting his own fork to his lips.

* * *

_**SPECIAL SIDE NOTE – Sarah O'Rourke (the professional pen name that ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 use) has released a NEW book on amazon. Com – Please swing by and check out **__**"The Devil's Snare"**__**. Please check out our other books as well. They are **__**"Inescapable Eye of the Storm"**__** and **__**"The Estate"**__** And please feel free to friend Sarah O'Rourke on facebook! **_


	49. Chapter 49

**_Check out some of the new Vacation Challenge fics that have been posted by the great Criminal Minds authors at Chit Chat on Author Corner. There's a new thread devoted to this latest challenge, and we hope you'll enjoy the great new reads!_**

**_While you're at the forum, check out all of the wonderful stories that were posted on the Christmas Gift Fic Exchange! From your favorite pairing to snowmen and jingle bells, our fellow authors have created some amazing fics just for your enjoyment!_**

**_Calling all readers of Sarah O'Rourke (our alter ego!) We have just lowered the price of The Devil's Snare to only 99 cents on Kindle. You can grab your copy today on at (slash) author (slash) sarahorourke, and choose The Devil's Snare! (Sarah also has three other books published…check them all out!)_**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

A mere hour later, Emily Prentiss was wondering why she had ever considered denying herself this simple pleasure. Watching happily as Jack ran after the errant soccer ball, his little legs moving as fast as he could push them, she couldn't help but grin when he got in front of it and kicked it with all of his power. The exuberant smile on his face as he threw up his hands into the air was all she needed to know that at least some things were still right in the air.

"Did you see me, Aunt Em'ly?" the little boy demanded as he came running up to her chair.

"I did, Jack!" she assured him, reaching out to ruffle his already messed hair. "You are absolutely amazing!"

"I gots around it," Jack explained as he grinned again, bouncing on his toes as he all but vibrated from the energy in the sunlit park.

"You got it, son," Aaron gently correctly as he came up on the other side of Emily's seat. Gently tossing the black and white ball, he encouraged, "Take it out long this time and bring it back in the cross and weave pattern, okay?"

Nodding quickly as he tucked the ball next to his chest, Jack took off at a run before either adult could offer any further encouragement. Emily let out a small sigh just then, and Aaron glanced down with worry in his gaze. "Is this too much? Do we need to go back in?"

"Absolutely not!" Emily denied, shaking her head as she turned toward him. "Are you kidding? This is the most relaxed I've felt in ages."

Offering her a relieved grin, Aaron perched beside her on the worn picnic table, their feet resting side by side on the bench. "Good. Jack was thrilled you agreed to come with us. Between you and me, you're his favorite aunt."

"He's a wonderful little boy, Aaron," Emily said softly as her eyes followed an excited Jack as he dropped the ball in front of him up the field. "So full of life and energy. He makes me wish I could go back and do everything again. Maybe the second time around I wouldn't make so many mistakes."

"Those mistakes have helped make you into the woman you are now, Emily. And that woman is pretty damn amazing."

"Thank you," Emily murmured, blushing at his praise. "Sitting here and watching these children reminds me of all the things I don't want to lose. The sunshine and giggles….feeling the breeze hitting my face…it reminds me of why I have to fight this stupid disease. Thanks for giving me the proverbial kick in the ass it took to remember that," she said with a grateful look at him. "If you hadn't insisted that I start fighting for my life….I'm not sure I would have made it this far. I'm not too proud of the fact that I was ready to throw in the towel, but we both know I was at that point."

"Emily, you were scared. Everybody understands that," Hotch reassured her gently. "But, there was no way in hell I was going to allow you to give up."

"I noticed," Emily chuckled. "Talk about taking drastic measures. You uprooted your entire life just to make sure that I didn't try to quit on life. I still can't believe you moved in with me."

"I wasn't willing to risk your life. We couldn't lose you, Emily. Not now. Not ever," he stated firmly.

"Thank you for caring so much," she whispered, waving at Jack when he looked their direction. "These last few weeks….I feel like, for the first time…I have a real family. I've got a reason to keep going even when my body wants to give out."

"You feel like that because that's what you have, Emily. Dysfunctional as it is, it's ours," he noted with a faint smile. "And I'll do what I need to do to protect it."

Smiling again, Emily inhaled the crisp cool air and blew it out shakily.

"Something else is bothering you though," Hotch noted sagely. "Why don't you tell me what it is," he suggested, scooting closer to her as the wind picked up and gusted over them.

"It's nothing," Emily said dismissively, watching as Jack angled the ball down the field toward the net. "Let's just enjoy the sunshine."

"Emily, don't deflect and expect me not to notice," Aaron chided. "I'm entirely capable of enjoying this day and listening to you. Something is on your mind. Spill it. You'll feel better."

Rolling her eyes at his persistence, she replied, "It nothing, really. I guess I'm just a little anxious about this next doctor's appointment. They're going to pull the blood work to gauge how well the chemotherapy is working."

"You're afraid that it won't have been as effective as you'd hoped," Hotch commented evenly.

"I'm afraid it hasn't worked at all if you want me to be honest," Emily murmured. "We both know that treatments for this type of cancer are limited."

"There are a whole host of other chemotherapy drugs they can try if it comes down to it," Aaron pointed out optimistically.

"Not really in a big hurry to sign up for guinea pig duty, Aaron," Emily demurred.

"No one is, Emily," Hotch returned calmly. "But no length is too great when you're fighting for your life. Let's not borrow trouble. As of this moment, there isn't any reason to believe that this treatment plan hasn't worked. Let's just go with the theory that it is until we're given reason to believe otherwise."

"You know, before I got sick, I never considered you to be an optimist," Emily laughed, shifting against the wooden table as she tried to find another comfortable position. "You've got as many layers as an onion. It would take a lifetime to peel them all away."

"I guess you'd better plan on sticking around then," Hotch deadpanned. "You'd hate missing a chance to see my gooey center."

"There's a gooey center?" Emily giggled as Jack's triumphant shout of success reached them as he kicked his ball into the net.

"Aunt Em'ly! Dad, goal!" the little boy shouted, dancing around the field.

"I guess you're just gonna have to stick around and find out," Hotch said to Emily before rising off the bench to jog toward his beaming son.

Watching as Aaron swung Jack into his arms and lifted him over his head, Emily smiled. She definitely wouldn't mind sticking around and sharing more days like this.


	50. Chapter 50

_**Dear Friends,**_

_**It's been a while again, I know. With the hubby out of the country and both kids birthdays during the month of February, it's been a hugely busy time. Oh, the joy of being a military wife! But, I'm trying to be more consistent with updates now. We'll see how it goes. To those who have asked, NOTHING is being abandoned. It's just taking me awhile to get updated. My writing partner and I are working to bring you both quality chapters of fanfiction AND new, professional work by our pen name, Sarah O'Rourke. Those books are available on amazon and kindle. I hope you'll check it out. ALSO, to those that have asked, our story, "Unexpected Surprises" is no longer available on fanfiction. We have taken it down to revamp it into an original work for Sarah O'Rourke. We'll let you know when it is available. We hope you won't be disappointed.**_

_**Thank you for sticking with us! We adore hearing from you!**_

_**All our best,**_

_**Ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**_

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Fifty**

"Ugh," Penelope groaned, curling her nose in disgust as she stared into the mini-freezer in the corner of the room, "Lemon-lime and Margarita? Seriously? These are your choices?" she asked her two best friends over her shoulder.

"Would you please keep your voice down?" JJ hissed, looking around the room to make sure they were alone.

"Why?" Penelope chirped, finally plucking the lemon-lime flavored Popsicle from the selection and closing the freezer door. "All I'm saying is that if they want to encourage the patients to eat, they might wanna broaden their selection of cancer pops," she declared with a shrug while she passed the frozen stick to Emily.

Laughing softly, Emily accepted the Popsicle from Garcia as she shifted in the leather recliner. "Beggars can't be choosers," she said with a sigh.

"Peaches, if you want something tastier, I can pop right over to the supermarket and grab a box of whatever flavor you want," Garcia offered quickly. Both she and JJ were worried about Emily's weight loss, and everyone on their team had spent the last few weeks trying to tempt her with every delicacy they could find. From Dave's attempt to get her to eat an authentic Italian dinner to Morgan's grilling expertise, they'd collectively done everything they could to encourage her to eat.

"This is fine, PG," Emily assured the younger woman with a thin smile. Leaning her head back against the headrest as JJ draped a cashmere throw around her legs, Emily closed her eyes and put the Popsicle in her mouth. Cringing as her mouth sores stung when she licked the treat, she quickly pulled it away.

"C'mon, Em," JJ urged. "You have to try. That nurse said your blood sugar was way too low. You don't want me to have to tell Hotch, do you?"

Opening one eye, Emily winced. "You wouldn't," she groaned. Over the past week, Aaron had grown progressively more protective. With every pound she'd lost, his concern had grown proportionally. The last thing she needed was for one of her friends to out her for being less than cooperative.

"I can and I would," JJ countered. "He's the only one you'll even feign an attempt to eat with these days," she informed the other woman worriedly.

"I'm sorry, guys," she apologized, handing the popsicles back to Garcia. "Between the mouth sores and the nausea, I'm just not hungry. Blame this," she said, tugging at the IV tubing attached to her arm. "Not me."

"None of us would ever blame you, Em," JJ replied with soft vehemence as she stilled Emily's hand before she could pull the IV out completely. "We're just concerned."

Forcing herself to open her eyes and look at the two women on either side of her, she replied, "It's the chemo, guys. You both heard the nurse earlier. She said it was a really common side effect. There's nothing for you to worry about, okay?"

"We heard her, Eagle Ears," Penelope said with a sunny smile, patting her friend's blanket-covered legs. "That doesn't mean that we're gonna stop trying to feed you tasty tidbits though."

Rolling her eyes, Emily tried to find the clock on the wall of the treatment room. "What time is it anyway? How much longer?"

"About twenty minutes," JJ replied after a look at her watch, mentally reminding herself that she owed Hotch an update. He'd been furious when Strauss had scheduled him for yet another meeting that conflicted with Emily's appointment, but it couldn't be helped. Since he wasn't her husband, there was no excuse either of them could offer the Justice Department that would delay this afternoon's pow wow.

"Well," Emily prompted, "Entertain me. You guys haven't told me anything juicy since we got here an hour ago," she admonished gently. "I do believe that was the promise you guys made me if I'd agree to these stupid treatments."

JJ and Penelope laughed, mostly because it was true. They'd all made various promises a month ago when they'd had to stage a group intervention to get Emily to agree to the chemotherapy. Theirs had been to accompany her to every session they could arrange and regale her with as much gossip as they could find….mostly about each other.

"My sources tell me that Morgan took Garcia on their first _real _date last weekend," JJ mock whispered as she gave Pen a knowing look.

"Really?" Emily responded with a wide grin. "_Do_ tell!"

"Oh puh-lease," Penelope groaned, rolling her eyes as she swatted a hand in the air. "I would not call pizza and a movie a _real_ date, ladies. We've done it a dozen times before, you know."

"Ahhhh, but Derek has never shown up with flowers and a goofy grin before, has he?" JJ chided, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Or stayed _all_ night afterward."

"Good gravy!" Penelope exclaimed, her cheeks flaming. "Have you bribed Rossi into installing a security camera in my building that I don't know about?"

"Nope, but you should really not promise Reid that you'd go jogging at the crack of dawn if you aren't serious," JJ replied with a laugh. "You traumatized our young genius for life."

"I knew I shouldn't have ever given that loudmouth a key to my place," Garcia grumbled under her breath. "I'm going to kill the scrawny genius."

Both women chuckled as Penelope continued to mutter. "Hmmm…so that tells me where PG's love life stands. What about you, Agent Jareau?" Emily asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Me?" JJ balked, shaking her head vigorously. "There's nothing to tell," she dismissed both women with a shrug.

"I smell a lie," Pen said to Emily before turning her laser-like focus on JJ. "Spill before I'm forced to call a certain Italian profiler and get the real scoop," she threatened playfully.

"Wouldn't you rather focus your Spidey senses on finding out how Emily is adjusting to living with our fearless leader?" JJ asked, deflecting the attention from her own personal life quickly.

"Hmmmm…now that is tempting," Pen replied brightly, turning her head toward Emily. "How goes it, my love? Tell us, is it boxers or briefs for the Boss Man?"


	51. Chapter 51

**Hello, friends! Just want to make a quick announcement that the May Challenge –"The Dearly Departed Death Fic Challenge" is available for sign-ups at the forum until April 30. We hope everybody will visit 'Chit Chat on Author's Corner' forum and give it a look. **

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**In Sunshine or In Shadow**

**Chapter Fifty-One**

"You assume that I know," Emily chuckled. "For the record, I do _not_," she added with a pointed look at her exuberant friend. That was a bald-faced lie. Aaron Hotchner wore jersey shorts that lovingly cupped every firm curve he had, and she'd stolen more than one look at him. There were some secrets, however, that she wanted to keep entirely to herself.

"Damn," Penelope moaned in disappointment, snapping her fingers.

"Seriously, Em," JJ asked, nudging the other woman. "What's it been like?"

"Aaron has been tremendously supportive," she replied vaguely, blushing as she remembered the kiss in the bathroom.

"She's blushing!" Penelope squealed, patting JJ's knee as she pointed at Emily's face. "Look at that red rosy hue. I smell dirt! Somebody get me a shovel," she demanded with twinkling eyes and a wink.

"You are beyond impossible," Emily chastised with an amused smile as she rested her head against the seat behind her.

"Hey, we've been watching this love affair develop for years. You can't expect me to look away now that the big payoff is in sight, can you?"

"It's not a love affair," Emily grumbled, refusing to look at her life that way. "Love affairs have happy endings. This could still turn out to be tragedy if you haven't already noticed," she remarked, lifting the arm that held her IV infusion.

"No way," Pen shook her head furiously. "Nope. Nuh uh. This story is _going_ to have a happy ending. You, my love, are going to get better and let Aaron Hotchner carry you off into the sunset. I can see the wedding now," she said dreamily, staring into space. "I'm thinking cream and mauve for colors…."

"Please excuse our friend," JJ muttered, rolling her eyes. "We've allowed her to read one too many romance novels." Covering Emily's hand, she added, "But for the record, you _are_ due a happy ending and if it happens with Hotch, so much the better."

"Hope so," Emily managed with a sad smile as she looked at the bag of medication being pumped into her. Tomorrow would be a bad day; she needed to enjoy the girl talk while she felt well enough to have it. Denying how she felt about the man that had been taking care of her since her diagnosis seemed pointless now.

"Know so," JJ insisted.

"He kissed me," Emily confessed quietly. Staring at her hands, she swallowed. "Really kissed me," she offered, looking between the two women at her side.

Jaw dropping, Penelope stared at the dark headed woman huddled in the chair. "What? When? Was it good? Details, woman!"

Smacking Garcia's shoulder, JJ glared at her in exasperation. "What our friend _means _to say is that we're here for you and if you need to talk, we'll listen," she stated supportively.

"Oh, yeah, that, too," Penelope replied, nodding eagerly.

"He was trying to comfort me after I got a good look at myself in the mirror a couple of days ago," Em confided softly with a shrug. "It was probably just a pity kiss."

Looking at each other, Penelope and JJ shook their heads in unison. "Are you crazy?" JJ asked in a whisper. "Aaron Hotchner doesn't _do_ pity, Em. If he kissed you, it's because he's attracted to you. All of us can see it."

"What the hell is there to be attracted to, guys?" Emily retorted, holding up her arms. "A bald bag of bones that's very probably dying?"

"Stop it," Penelope ordered, for once dropping all pretense of frivolous enthusiasm. "Don't you dare talk about yourself like that! Hotch sees the same thing we all do. He sees a beautiful woman struggling in the battle of her life with grace and dignity. What the hell is there _not_ to love about that?"

Blinking back tears, Emily smiled sadly. "You're good friends. Both of you, but…"

"You're afraid," JJ said truthfully.

"I'm terrified! I'm so grateful that he wants to be there for me, but…how do I know if this thing that's happening between us is real or a product of worry and concern for my health? If I was strong as an ox and cancer-free….we probably would never be headed down this road. So, how can I believe there could be a future there?"

"So maybe the cancer did open his eyes," JJ replied, leaning forward slightly as she met her friend's dark eyes. "So what? It doesn't mean that it wasn't there all along."

"JJ's right," Pen agreed, her voice low but firm. "You can't second guess it, Peaches. Accept it. _Enjoy_ it. Falling in love…being in love….it should lift you up….give you the strength to keep fighting. You aren't just fighting for yourself anymore; you've got to do it for _him_, too."

"You're assuming that he's in love with me, you two. He hasn't said that," Emily countered, pulling the throw closer. She needed a shield right now. Her friends were making some scary good points.

"Have you?" JJ asked bluntly, tilting her head as she stared at Emily.

"What?" Emily returned blankly.

"Have you told Hotch that you're in love with _him_?" JJ clarified, a small smile playing at her lips as she watched Emily's lips part.

"No!" Emily blurted, shaking her head furiously. "Of course not!"

"Why not?" Penelope questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Because…."

"You _are_ in love with him, aren't you?" JJ challenged.

"You know I do," Em whispered unhappily, tightening her fingers around the blanket. "But, I don't see where you're going with this. Either of you," she said, glaring at the women facing her.

"I'll enlighten you then," JJ informed her. "How can you expect to figure out how Aaron feels when you're hiding what _you_ feel, Em? Life is too short for this crap. There is a great man currently living in your house, sharing his child with you, and fervently trying to will you to live. Has it occurred to you that maybe he's just as terrified as you are? Perhaps, that's the reason he's holding back."

A veil seemed to lift for Emily in that moment, clarifying everything. For years, she'd tried to deceive herself into believing that she'd never have the chance at anything more than friendship with Aaron. Time, however was a finite resource and once it was up…that was it. Did she really want to spend _whatever_ time remained playing this game?

Blinking several times, she finally swallowed. "I need to tell him."

"You need to tell who what?" a deep voice asked from behind her.


End file.
